©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.
RED LIGHT, BLUE LIGHTS
A Seattle prostitute approached a Kent, Washington police officer and told him she fantasized about joining him in the back of his car. When deputy Steve Johnson asked what she'd charge, she said 40 dollars and hopped into the back of his cruiser. Johnson locked the doors and arrested the woman on her 44th prostitution charge.
ORSON WELLES WOULD HAVE BEEN PROUD
Two San Francisco radio stations reported that a terrorist group called the Locos had blown up a Monterey County dam and flooded the Salinas Valley. They were given the information by dispatchers from the Office Of Emergency Services - who thought the radio reporters were part of an emergency drill which takes place every three years.
JUMBO TRAFFIC JAM
Dozens of vehicles were backed up on a highway in southeastern Bangladesh after a heard of 35 elephants took over a section of the road. One man who tried to scare them away was killed by an angry bull elephant. After a three-hour standstill, the herd was scared off by police firing shots into the air and villagers blowing trumpets.
HIS NUMBER IS UP
A talkative man who allegedly robbed and hijacked a Manhattan taxi driver gave his telephone number to a friend on the other end of his cell phone during the ordeal. The cabbie remembered the number and detectives used it to track the suspect and arrest him at his Queens apartment.
A 16-year-old Sao Paulo, Brazil girl was still in pain following two operations to remove a bullet from her pelvic region. X-rays showed that a 5-inch pair of medical pincers had been left in her body.
A Minneapolis-area boy didn't have much to complain about after his bicycle was stolen. The burglar left another bike in its place. A better one.
BYE BYE, POPEYE
The remains of a human body were found in a spinach patch in Mpumalanga, South Africa, where a man was caught cooking a human liver and thumb. Volunteers, police and a K-9 located a second body nearby.
IN YOUR FACE
An armed robber who spit in the face of a convenience store clerk left enough evidence for his arrest and conviction. St. Louis police were able to match the DNA from his spit to a sample used to convict the man for rape three years earlier.
A big rig driver was duped by a passerby as he was backing up to a loading dock in Portland, Oregon. The man - who the driver thought was a warehouse employee - waved the driver on, saying, "Keep going!" The trailer rammed the dock, collapsing it. The imposter yelled, "Gotcha!" and ran off.
BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER
An emergency room doctor was convicted of attempting to falsify the blood alcohol level of a teenager brought in by Pennsylvania State Police. Dr. David Kulling asked a lab technician to add water to the sample - which was taken from his son.
A 78-year-old Durham, New York man was sent to the slammer for landscaping his yard. Conservation agents caught John Smits stealing rocks and stones from a protected trout stream.
SOMETHING EVEN FISHIER
It rained dead fish in Great Yarmouth, England - covering lawns and roofs with tiny silver sprats. Meteorologists say the fish were probably whipped up by a waterspout on the North Sea and delivered by a thunder cloud.
A former police officer who had been known as "Officer Friendly" to thousands of school kids over the years was arrested for sexually molesting a 14-year-old neighbor. 38-year-old Thomas Ray Gibbons of Farmington, Utah copped a plea to two second-degree felony counts, avoiding a first-degree felony charge of forcible sodomy.
A municipal court judge in Akron, Ohio handed an unusual sentence to a 22-year-old woman. In addition to 15 hours of community service, Jamie Vannostran was ordered to write "I will not lie to the police" one hundred times. She was convicted on charges of obstruction of justice for hiding her fugitive boyfriend in her attic.
A North Baltimore, Ohio political science teacher offered his students extra credit if they'd visit political campaign headquarters and bring back voter handouts as proof of their visits. Instead, Timothy Jackson's students turned in at least 125 political signs stolen from the front yards of boosters.
BREAKING IN, NOT OUT
A man accused of breaking into a library in Las Cruces, New Mexico got trapped between the inner and outer doors of the foyer - and used the lobby's pay phone to call 911. Police said they found the suspect's shoe prints on the broken glass from a kicked-in window.
LESSON IN TERROR
A Baltimore-area teacher thought she'd illustrate her lesson in crime and terrorism by having a police officer friend take her hostage in front of the class, complete with an unloaded prop gun. A colleague walking by her classroom thought the incident was real, instituted a lockdown and called police.
IT BEATS THAT OLD HYGIENE FILM
Officials in Timphisini, Swaziland had to close down a high school after an impromptu lesson in sex education took place. Two amorous goats invaded a classroom and began mating in front of catcalling pupils.
San Francisco police said a man thought he'd avoid paying over 16 thousand dollars worth of parking tickets by selling off the cars he left on the streets before they'd get towed. Thomas Wehrer collected 250 tickets on 25 different cars over six years. But the city changed its computing system, recording the owners' names instead of license plate numbers - resulting in Wehrer's arrest.
HIDE AND GO CRUNCH
A 10-year-old boy thought he'd hide in a pile of leaves to scare his mother - but she wound up running over his head with the family minivan. Akron, Ohio police said that miraculously, the van's tire pushed the boy's head into the soft earth, and he escaped with bruises to the face.
WHAT'S THAT COLOGNE, "FRENCH FRY?"
A man charged with breaking into a Miami restaurant had to be resuced by police after becoming lodged in a ventilator shaft filled with grease. Police said the grease was so thick that a rope used to rescue the suspect kept slipping off.
Zimbabwe officials said an American family's Halloween observance was misunderstood by nosey neighbors. Locals told police that peering through a dining room window, they saw the family dismember and drink the blood of a human victim. Police discovered the peeping toms had seen skull-and-bones Halloween decorations and the family drinking red wine.
An American soldier was arrested for disorderly conduct and assaulting a police officer in Kingston, Ontario. Army cook Jason Dalgai of Arizona said the cause of the incident was Canadian beer - because it was stronger than the American brew he was used to.
CAUGHT IN COURT
A man sitting in the galley of a Berlin court was arrested after sitting next to a man he had allegedly mugged a few days earlier. Court officers arrested Patrick Knut on charges of robbery with violence after the alleged victim pointed Knut out to the judge.
GRAZINGS IN THE GRASS
A couple in the Czech Republic chose a dark and peaceful meadow for an amorous moment. But they were run over by a man taking a shortcut to a party on his large tractor. The embarrassing injuries to the man's buttocks and woman's chest became known when doctors examined them for an insurance claim.
FIRST PRIZE: SOME TIME OFF
School officials in White Lake, Michigan suspended four students for vulgar behavior after they performed a so-called dirty dancing routine in a talent contest. They'd won the contest - with teachers giving them a perfect score of 10.
CAPPER TO THE CRIME
A burglar who smashed the window of a Covington, Louisiana grocery store and made off with the cigar box kept under the cash register hadn't found the stash of cash he or she was hoping for. A sheriff's deputy says the box contained some old, worthless bottle caps.
FROM WEIGH STATION TO PLAY STATION
A trucker who spent 20 hours partying at a Fallon, Nevada brothel allegedly tried to run out on his 11-hundred-dollar tab. Police say two of the prostitutes got Richard Morse's license plate number when they heard him start up his big rig. When deputies caught up with the semi, they also cited Morse for drunk driving.
PIG PEN, NOT BIG PEN
A butcher who set up a slaughterhouse and sausage factory in a public restroom in New Delhi kept residents and police from shutting him down with a grotesque threat - he would dump pig entrails, blood and guts into the street if he were shut down.
An Aland Islands, Finland man was ordered to stand trial in the murder of his father after allegedly announcing his plans to friends around the world. Police say the 20-year-old discussed his plans in internet chat rooms.
TRASH THE CASH
Police returned 95 thousand dollars to an 80-year-old Barbastro, Spain merchant who had thrown it away. He told police he thought he had thrown out a bag of old bills and receipts.
THINK BEFORE YOU PARK
An Omaha moving truck driver who illegally parked across from his lunch spot got a 13-dollar ticket and a half-hour lecture from the FBI. It appeared that he had abandoned his yellow truck outside a federal office building ... resulting in an evacuation. Gary Jacobsen had wondered why a crowd had formed outside the building while he was eating his lunch.
MY HEADLIGHTS ARE WORKING
A woman who flashed her breasts at police offers during a traffic stop became the subject of a high-speed chase in Oberhausen, Germany, after she fled the scene. The 43-year-old was eventually cornered on a one-way street, where she refused to come out of her locked car. When an officer broke the driver's-side window and grabbed the keys, she gave herself up.
A GO AT THE TOES
Maryland Heights, Missouri police say a clean-cut, good looking man sucked the toes of a woman staying at a local hotel. The woman told police the hotel hallway pervert wasn't detered by the fact she'd worn her stockings all day long.
CHECK ALIBIS ON ANY ELVES NAMED KEEBLER
Someone with a sweet tooth committed serial robberies at a baking goods factory in Monroe, Michigan. Over a two-week period, 50 pounds of chocolate chips were stolen during three separate break-ins.
A North Carolina man was arrested in connection with the murder of his ex-wife after the woman's friends heard gunshots over the internet. The woman announced on a web phone call that her ex-husband was breaking into her trailer home with a gun. Her friends at the other end said the statement was followed by gunshots and silence.
LIFE FROM WITHIN
Two officers at an Allenstown, Pennsylvania federal pen were indicted on charges of helping smuggle packages out of the prison in exchange for payoffs. The inmates - including a convicted mafia hit man - were allegedly smuggling sperm to their wives and girlfriends.
SCUMBAG OF THE YEAR CANDIDATE
A person can't be prosecuted for cowardice in Mississippi, but 28-year-old Troy Carlisle was convicted for the cowardly manslaughter of a 7-year-old girl. Carlisle stripped the lifejacket off the terrified youngster when a boat capsized. He left her to drown and saved himself.
THE BLAIR WITCH EMULATION
Police in Fairbanks, Alaska said three suspected cemetery vandals provided them with all evidence they needed. The trio videotaped their crimes with a stolen camera, complete with on-screen date and time information.
SHOWING HER HOW IT'S DONE
A drunken man was so abusive about his wife's driving, she pulled the car over and got out on a highway near Berlin. The man sped off without her, rolled the car on a turn, and died at the scene.
WHAT'S MY MOTIVATION?
Actors staged a purse snatching for a television show in the streets of Valletta, Malta, so producers could show how witnesses have different accounts of what took place. But the witnesses chased down and beat the actor who portrayed the thief.
The mother of a Horton, Alabama high school football player dressed up as the team mascot at an away-game - only to be punched in the stomach, batted in the arm and stabbed in the lower back with a sharp object. It was the opposing team's homecoming, so officials theorize the woman was stabbed with a corsage pin.
DON'T LOOK IN THE FRIDGE
Hospitals in Sydney were the target of an investigation after a New South Wales inquiry determined they'd been storing tissue and organs from deceased patients without permission. Officials believe the body parts and skin samples have been collected for decades.
HOOTIN' & HOLLERIN'
The principal of a Loveland, Colorado high school was accompanied by her husband when she gave the girls' volleyball team a lecture on sportsmanship. When a male student let out a hoot of approval, the principal's husband took it the wrong way, throwing the student 10 feet into a brick wall, grabbing him by the neck and yelling, "Call for your mommy now!" 60-year-old Jan Wall was cited for disorderly conduct.
During a tonsilectomy on a 7-year-old girl in Eskisehir, Turkey, doctors discovered why the girl had complained of throat pain for over 5 years. They found a 1½-inch nail lodged in her esophagus.
LIFE GOES ON
A Zagreb, Croatia police officer and his girlfriend were bent on killing themselves. They swallowed two bottles of sleeping pills with alcohol, then locked themselves in a running car with a hose hooked to the tailpipe. They found themselves dazed but still alive hours later, so the officer fired a shot through his right temple ... and survived. The girlfriend gave up and called an ambulance.
A postcard was delivered to survivors of the addressee 93 years after it was mailed to Joliet, Illinois. Postal officials had no idea where the card had been for nearly a century. The card contained a one-word message from the grandmother of the eventual recipient: Hello.
GET THE POINT?
A Nuremburg, Germany woman who was angry at her husband inflicted 15-thousand-dollars damage on his new Mercedes. Police say the 27-year-old woman battered the car with her stiletto-heeled shoes.
A Hammond, Indiana woman sued the American Red Cross because she contracted herpes during a CPR class. Brenda Nelson said she caught the disease from a dummy used to practice mouth-to-mouth resuscitation techniques.
STUCK WITH A STICK
A teenager in Toronto ordered a woman out of her car at knifepoint. But he couldn't drive off with the vehicle because he didn't know how to operate a manual transmission and clutch.
The Grandville, Michigan school board issued a policy prohibiting homemade food at school events. The board said there had been no cases of students sickened by homemade foods - but several teachers got food poisoning at a staff appreciation dinner prepared by parents.
PARK AND LOCK IT
An 11-year-old boy made off with a car after it was left running and unlocked outside a church youth function in New Kensington, Pennsylvania. The car - which sustained damage from sideswiping parked cars - was a New Kensington police cruiser.
Des Moines police easily identified four women who had allegedly robbed a branch of the Iowa State Bank. When they walked into their apartment, the women were trying to get the red dye from an exploding dye pack off their hands.
WHAT, NO LIME?
A highly publicized seizure of what Wolverhamton, England police believed was 97 thousand dollars worth of crack turned into an embarrassment. Magistrates dropped charges against the suspect after laboratory tests showed the substance seized by police was actually dried coconut.
Law enforcement authorities asked Spencer Gifts to stop selling its most popular Halloween costume - an orange jumpsuit bearing the words Department of Corrections - after police responded to reports of an escapee at a Vineland, Pennsylvania shopping mall. The man in question was a Spencer manager having lunch in a food court.
ARE THOSE HUNDREDS OR SINGLES?
A blind man who was helped to the counter in a Memphis bank passed a poorly-written hold-up note to the teller. As the teller handed the suspect 15 hundred dollars, she mouthed the words it's a robbery to a security guard, who thwarted the robber's escape by trapping him in the revolving door.
BAD BOY BREW
A Prince William County, Virginia boy was arrested for attempting to poison his mother after allegedly putting glue and solvent in the family coffee pot. The parents told authorities the 14-year-old's actions weren't the result of an argument - just a lack of respect for authority.
A driverless truck rolled down a steep hill in San Francisco and smashed into a bus shelter, injuring a pedestrian. Then the large truck rolled over, uprighted itself, and careened further down the hill and crashed into a limousine carrying a high-society bride to her wedding. Police said it was a miracle that no one in the limo was injured.
An argument over who would get the first drag off a cigarette led to a shooting in South Sacramento. The victim and the shooter were both 13.
A LOT OF DOE FOR ONE BUCK
A southern Ontario farmer was found gored to death in a deer camp near his property. Officials speculated that William McCavanaugh ventured into the territory of a buck who was courting thirteen doe during mating season.
WILL HOLLYWOOD HAVE TO ANSWER TO THIS?
A Florida sixth-grader wearing a bandana held up a bank at knifepoint. When the 11-year old was found hiding in bushes nearby, he said he robbed the bank so he could buy some food at McDonald's. Authorities said the pre-teen had recently served three weeks at a detention center for pulling a knife on his mother.
DEAD MAN WALKING
Villagers in Braila, Romania who had filed past the open coffin of one of their neighbors to pay last respects were horrified to see the man walking through the village three weeks later. Ionel Olteanu said he was having a terrible nightmare and woke up to find himself in a coffin.
Two men trying to hold up a Winnepeg bar were thwarted by a feisty bartender and a patron. When the 74-year-old bartender managed to subdue one of the young crooks, the other pulled a knife. A patron smashed a fishbowl over the head of the second thief and the two men fled without any cash.
FERTILIZING CRIMINAL MINDS
A high school teacher in Covina, California was fired after giving his students what the district considered an inappropriate assignment. The class project was to choose someone to assassinate, explain why and detail how they would get away with it.
NO DOMESTIC BLISS
A court in Lusaka, Zambia granted a divorce to an affluent man whose wife locked him in the bedroom every night. Lifuna Nyambe told the court she was afraid her husband would sneak out to diddle the domestic staff.
A youth on trial for robbing a cab driver in Seville, Spain told the court he had a solid alibi. He told the prosecuting attorney that on the night in question he was picking pockets at a street fair.
PERV WITH NERVE
A man was arrested at a Girl Scouts camp near Ottawa after he was found rifling through the bags of a Brownie troop as the girls slept. Police said the suspect was in possession of a flashlight and six pairs of panties.
RALPH CRAMDEN IS SPINNING IN HIS GRAVE
A New Jersey Transit Authority bus driver was arrested after showing fellow workers Polaroids of sexual activity on his bus. Newark police said Gerald Carlson took pictures of two frisky teenagers - and then joined in the action himself.
Hell hath no fury like a bull moose in heat. After being rejected by a cow moose in New Canada, Maine, the bull turned its affections toward Pam Lozier's 1998 Oldsmobile Aurora. Lozier said the car was demolished ... and smelled awful.
A Cornwall, Ontario man was arrested after calling police to report a break-in at his home. Officers discovered there was an outstanding burglary warrant against the victim.
I TAWT I TAW A BUREAUCWAT
Cobb County, Georgia school officials suspended an 11-year-old girl under its zero-tolerance on weapons policy. The small chain on her Tweety Bird wallet was considered by officials to be a weapon.
PERHAPS THE SUPER SHOULD CHANGE HIS NAME
A third-grader was suspened in Green Bay, Wisconsin because of a tiny one-and-three-eighths-inch toy gun on the end of his key chain. Superintendant Tom Joynt said the district was emphasizing the importance of safety.
THE RED LIGHT PARTY
An Albanian mayoral candidate promised he'd open brothels in his city if elected. Government officials said it would be impossible to keep that campaign promise - prostitution is illegal under a national law which can't be overturned by municipalities.
THEY TRIED TO TELL US WE'RE TOO YOUNG...
Iran's government newspaper reported that a 10-year-old girl filed for divorce from her 15-year-old husband after just eight days. The girl said her spouse wouldn't let her play with her dolls.
THANKS FOR THE TIP
Australian rower Rachael Taylor lost her Olympic silver medal - but not because she failed a drug test. Taylor left it in a taxi cab after a night on the town celebrating her win.
INTO HER WORK
A Milwaukee court upheld the firing of a morgue worker who kept a photo of a dead co-worker's genitals in her desk. The Medical Examiner's Office also accused Patricia Martin of amassing a testicle collection.
PHONE FOR HELP
The crew and passengers of a Mongolia-to-Beijing flight foiled a hijacking attempt. Xinhua Airlines reported that the hijacker had been beaten to death by passengers using a cell phone.
Marcos Vargas received a letter from the Maryland Motor Vehicle Adminstration threatening to suspend his license and fine him 340 dollars for failure to appear in traffic court. Vargas had a good excuse - he received the notice two days after his first birthday.
Police in California announced that they'd captured a sex offender who escaped from San Quentin - only to withdraw the statement. They realized they'd taken the fugitive's identical brother into custody after taking his fingerprints.
LICENSES TO STEAL
The Orange County Register reported that - due to lax policies at the DMV - 100 thousand fraudulent licenses were issued by the state of California in 1999. Licenses are a so-called breeder document for people who steal identities and clean out bank accounts. Fake licenses are also used by felons to obtain firearms.
STABBINGS ARE NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH
A 52-year-old Bucharest man who stabbed his wife fainted at the sight of her blood and struck his head on a rock when he passed out. The woman received a minor wound and the man was arrested for attempted murder after recovering from a concussion.
BOMBINGS ARE NOT FOR THE STUPID
A Khabarovsk, Russia man attempted to kill his wife and her lover at an apartment where he believed they were staying. He was killed when the bomb he was attaching to the apartment door exploded prematurely.
A woman told a Neustadt Am Ruebenberg, Germany court that she was repeatedly busted for shoplifting because she gets a sexual thrill out of being caught. The 41-year-old said the arousal was so addictive, she stole dog food, although she had no pets.
A Barberton, Ohio car dealer who appeared on The People's Court was sent to real-life prison because he appeared on the show. Authorities said Rick Remmy's trip to New York violated the terms of parole on an earlier theft conviction.
Authorities in Hunedora, Romania said a woman attempted to starve her grandmother to death so she could inherit the family property. The suspect convinced locals that her grandmother had died and come back as a ghost, so people would run away whenever they heard the elderly woman's terrified screams for help. The scam was uncovered by a visiting cousin who refused to heed the townspeople's warnings that the house was haunted.
BMW SNOB HOSED
The owner of a BMW got a lesson from San Francisco firefighters on why he shouldn't park in front of fire hydrants. Water hoses must be kept straight - so the fire crew broke out both of the back seat windows and ran their hose through the car. Officials said the driver would be fined and have to pay to replace the windows himself.
Cars on Interstate 95 near Jarratt, Virginia were being pelted with bananas and crabapples. A state trooper responding to complaints had crabapples thrown at at him, too - from three monkeys in a tree. Police say the animals probably escaped from a circus caravan.
WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLION?
A Texas woman convicted of welfare fraud had the honor of being assigned the first 7-digit inmate number. Convict number one million, Twanda Thibofeaux, said the distinction was rather embarrassing.
IS THAT YOUR FINAL ANSWER?
Customs agents in Melbourne said a Freudian slip was the undoing of a drug-smuggling suspect. After answering no to every question on an in-flight customs claim card, the suspect said yes to a question about bringing contraband into the country. Agents said the Jose Campos-Cloute carried over a kilogram of pure cocaine on his flight from Spain.
Roy Haynes of Birmingham, England couldn't believe it when a postcard from his summer vacation arrived at his home - 24 years late. An ironic note: Haynes was once a letter carrier.
HAVE A CIGAR
The accounting office of a Tirana, Albania maternity hospital was robbed of a safe containing all the staff's wages. The thief got past the guard posing as an expectant father.
WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
An Ohio woman who won 15 thousand dollars in the state lottery only got to keep a fraction of it. Diane Blunt was ordered to turn most of her winnings over to the courts. She'd been convicted earlier of stealing 40 grand to pay off gambling debts.
D.A.R.E. TO BE STUPID
Police said two North Adams, Massachusetts men chose the wrong unlocked car in which to smoke pot after one of them appeared in court on assault charges. They were arrested while allegedly sharing a joint in an unmarked car belonging to the Berkshire County Drug Task Force.
An L.A. business law firm sent out 600 promotional packages containing fake hand grenades and a pitch that business is war. The promotion resulted in at least two bomb scares. The firm was further humiliated by the disclosure that sending even fake grenades can be against the law.
Kazakhstan's interior minister got a first-hand look on police corruption in his country. Traveling incognito on a cross-country melon delivery, he videotaped 36 officials demanding that the big-rig driver pay bribes. At the end of the journey, he fired all the bribe-takers.
INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF POISON
A 47-year-old Wilmington, Delaware man ate poisoned pancakes served to him by his 14-year-old daughter. He ate them despite the fact school officials warned him she was planning to kill him by tainting his breakfast - and despite the fact they tasted funny. The girl has been charged with attempted murder.
FEAR OF FREEDOM
A 76-year-old man walked into a Council Bluffs, Iowa bank, demanded two 50-dollar bills and told the teller he'd be sitting in his car, smoking a cigarette. When police found the suspect puffing away in his car, he told them he had no family and wanted to go back to the pen.
©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.