©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.
CAT IN HEAT
A feline and human occupants of a house in Stamwood, Washington escaped injury when a fire caused 12-thousand dollars damage to their home. The fire started when the cat walked across a stovetop and stepped on a button which ignited a burner.
'TIL JAIL DO US PART
A bridal store owner in England was surprised to see a happy couple in the local paper - the bride was wearing a 500-dollar dress that had been stolen from her shop. The groom was arrested for theft and the blushing bride forked up a fine for handling stolen property.
EVIDENCE IN BLACK & WHITE
A man was arrested after taking photocopies of his naked butt - on the Xerox machine in the crowded lobby of a St. Louis courthouse.
YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE
While officers in Albuquerque were taking a burglary report, a passerby told officers a suspicious character was sleeping in his car a half-block away. The napping suspect allegedly had all the stolen goods in his car.
COME ON DOWN!
A shoplifting suspect who left her purse at the scene of the crime in Muskegon Heights, Michigan didn't wait for the cops to track her down. She called the station and asked if the bag had been found. She was arrested when she came in to ID the purse.
Suspects who broke into a car in Brighton, England left a note on the car they robbed - thanking the owner but asking him to leave better stuff next time. Chandrakant Mehta says it was the seventh time his car had been robbed in a short period of time. The note was signed, "Us, the car thieves, or David Bowie."
WHO LET THE DOGS IN?
A woman threatened to sue the Raleigh, North Carolina police department after two suspects in a brawl were peppersprayed by police. A police captain forced the teens to rinse off their faces in a toilet.
To save transportation expenses, Janet Levine dressed her dead mother's body in pajamas and drove the corpse from Colorado to Oregon. Lane County, Oregon officials said interstate transport without a death certificate was illegal, but they wouldn't press charges.
SHOOT THE MOON
Eight people were arrested in Ankara, Turkey for shooting at the moon during a lunar eclipse. The suspects said they were following an ancient tradition, but police confiscated their not-so-ancient rifles.
A Singapore man who bought two cell phones with stolen credit cards was nabbed by police - when he returned to the store to complain that he had been overcharged.
A Bucharest woman's plan to lace her husband's food with Viagra backfired. Her husband - who couldn't stand her cooking - was slipping his meals to the their two children, aged 11 and 12. Myani Balceru found out about it when the kids complained of having strange dreams.
A valet at a southern California Ritz-Carlton hotel couldn't resist taking a ride in a guest's Ferrari GTS. Police say he totaled the 160-thousand-dollar car by crashing it into a tree less than two blocks from the hotel.
Police in Tennessee had no trouble finding two carjackers. When they found the stolen car, footprints in the snow led to the suspects' apartment.
FINGERS IN THE FIRE
A group of women refused to leave a Hong Kong office building when fire broke out. They ignored demands to evacuate the office tower so a salon could finish their acrylic fingernail treatments.
THERE'S A FLY IN MY SOUP
A Denver woman was charged with attempted theft after complaining about bad food and service at 62 local restaurants. Elizabeth Pierce admitted in a plea bargain that she was given nearly a thousand dollars in gift certificates by restaurant managers.
Two drunken car thieves in Sao Paulo, Brazil got more than they bargained for by consuming what they thought were two containers of yogurt left in the car. The vehicle belonged to a biochemist and the containers bore coagulated samples of HIV-infected blood.
Four California men were arrested for attempting to scam a Massachusetts company out of 550 thousand dollars worth of gold. They were caught because they submitted a phony U.S. Department Of Defense document bearing a signature with the word "sergeant" misspelled.
A British man was seriously injured by a live lobster police say he stole from a seafood store. One of the lobster's claws clamped down on the man's genitals after he stuffed the crustacean down his pants. Officials said that, in effect, the lobster performed a vasectomy on the suspect.
A young mother was arrested for child endangerment after sending her two-year-old son on a bus trip to live with his father in Yugoslavia. She sent the toddler on the journey alone - and had never consulted the father about the plan.
WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE...
An Aurora, Colorado man died of a gunshot wound to the forehead while partying with friends. Manuel Dominguez-Quintero asked a pal to shoot a paper cup off his head using a handgun.
SEX IS A GAS
Police in Bucharest say a couple who died while having sex in a car broke one basic safety rule. Don't do it while the car is running in a closed garage.
PINK FROM THE CLINK
They must mix the white clothes with colors in the Maricopa, Arizona county jail laundry. A prison escapee was arrested in Phoenix after ditching his prison clothes. He was spotted running down a street wearing nothing but pink underwear.
CEASE AND DE-GEESE
A plan by the Cleveland Museum of Art to keep geese out of its lagoon has backfired. They thought plastic geese floating on their sides in the lagoon would look enough like dead geese scare the real geese away. But they've been fooling humans, who've been reporting the museum to police for maintaining a toxic lagoon.
The sheriff in Thomas County, Kansas thinks prisoners should look the part. He's put inmates back in black and white stripes. The sheriff has no tolerance for jailbirds who think the duds are demeaning. But he got a chuckle out of the prisoner who said the new suits made inmates look more professional.
LEANING BACK WITH LATTES
Seattle Police are training some employees in basic safety. No, the students aren't rookie cops, they're civilian employees ... two of which were hurt when they fell out of their chairs.
Police in Colonie, New York found something better than an alarm or The Club for preventing car theft. When a man hopped into the passenger seat and attempted to carjack a woman, her dog lunged forward from the back seat, causing the crook to bash his head into the dashboard. He ran off.
A NEW DEFINITION FOR PIPE BOMB
A man attempting to blow up the Lubbock, Texas abortion clinic his girlfriend wanted to visit inadvertantly solved the original problem. His pipe bomb blew up in his lap.
THE START BUTTON SHUTS IT DOWN?
All the students in a computer class at SMU in Houston flunked the course. Well, now they must be taking up law ... they're suing the university on the grounds the course was too hard.
A British train company promised all its commuter trains would arrive on time on a special performance day. And they did. The only problem was that they rolled past all the stations on the line without picking up any passengers.
YEAH, THAT'S THE TICKET
Some Las Vegas middle school students were touring the state house in Carson City when they walked into a room where lawmakers were looking at blow-ups of topless women. The politicians explained to the school principal that they had been viewing visual aids while debating an advertising ban that would protect minors from nude images.
I FORSEE LESS HANKY PANKY
If a 60-year-old Taipei fortune teller was as good as he claimed, he should have known his wife was sick of his extramarital affairs. She drugged him, then cut off his member and flushed it down the toilet. Doctors say the damage is permanent.
On a sparsely populated north Atlantic island in Iceland, it's possible to drive for hours without seeing another car. However, a woman's car was broadsided when a green panel truck came racing out of a parking lot. The next day she was driving a rental car through an intersection, when the same panel truck jumped a red light and broadsided her again.
THAT'S NOT WATER IN THE LOO
Steven Levendusky of Waterloo, Iowa was attending a court-ordered class to teach him the dangers of driving drunk. But he hadn't learned much. On a tip from the instructor, police yanked him from the classroom and charged him with public intoxication.
LOUD & CLEAR
Police arrested one of their own in a Boston suburb when the shoulder microphone on an officer's two-way radio got stuck in the talk position. Detectives raided a tailor shop where the dispatcher heard the on-duty officer buy 400-dollars worth of cocaine.
A fidgety 6-year-old climbed a 35-thousand-dollar modern art exhibit in Toronto. The 30-foot-high piece was damaged beyond recognition when it broke apart. The tile of the sculpture? Inquisitor's Dictionary.
Rhode Island state trooper Jeff Kowalski was listening to a local radio station and thought that the DJ sounded familiar. Eventually, he realized that ultra-deep-voiced Alan Jackson was Alan Jackermain, who'd escaped from him during a parole violation arrest three weeks earlier. Jackermain was whisked away to jail before he finished his show.
A woman in New York was charged with attempted murder after police found her lying on top of her 12-year-old daughter, allegedly attempting to suffocate her. The woman weighed 350 pounds.
DOES THAT PICKUP COME IN PINK?
A Haverford Township, Pennsylvania car dealership notified police when a customer allegedly handed over a stolen credit card. The male suspect, who attempted to use a woman's identity by dressing in drag, stood 6-foot-4 and weighed nearly 300 pounds.
REPUBLICAN: ELEPHANT ... DEMOCRAT: JACKASS.
Three members of the Thailand Prime Minister's Democrat party thought they'd attract publicity by riding an elephant to register for an election. The elephant got spooked by the traffic and threw them, breaking one's arm and badly brusing the others.
I GOT YOUR TIPS RIGHT HERE...
Cox Cable in Las Vegas was at a loss to explain a malfunction that caused one channel to replace another. CNBC's stock tips were temporarily replaced by porno from the Spice Channel.
DAVE'S NOT HERE
A maintenance camera lowered into a Puyallup, Washington sewer happened to catch marijuana plants being flushed through the system. Public Works officials traced them to a house and notified police. After obtaining a warrant, police found 29 growing plants and 430 grams of pot. They arrested a 30-year-old woman.
A man charged with drug dealing in Sao Paulo, Brazil allegedy chose the wrong place to hide 11 pounds of cocaine. Police say forestry officials found the stash hidden in a pile of palm logs - while investigating illegal palm heart trading.
I FEEL A CARL PERKINS SONG COMING ON
A 19-year-old bank robbery suspect was arrested in Chicago after a teller told police she recognized his blue suede shoes. The masked hold-up man was allegedly a former employee of the bank. Police say they recovered all but 14 dollars of the stolen money from his pockets.
FILE UNDER "$"
A bag containing 309 dollars in cash and checks was found in a filing cabinet at a trucking company in Jacksonville, Texas. The checks were dated 1977 and made out to the New Harmony Baptist Church. The company - which had used the cabinet for 12 years since buying it at auction - returned the money to the church.
A man returned 48 thousand dollars he found on Interstate 5 near Seattle, and claimed a 48 hundred dollar reward. 68 thousand had escaped from a Loomis-Wells Fargo truck and covered three lanes of the freeway during rush hour. Police said those holding the rest of the money would be arrested - their license plates were captured on the truck's security video tape.
POOCH POINTS OUT PANTY PILFERER
A burglar who was stealing underwear from a woman's apartment in Tokyo left a sandal behind when he fled as the woman arrived home. Police used a dog to sniff the sandal and follow the scent to a neighbor's door. The neighbor confessed when confronted by officers and Dago the German Shepherd.
WAS DREW BARRYMORE THE CLERK?
Police in Atkins, Arkansas said an 18-year-old man robbed a convenience store wearing a "Scream" mask - and his 17-year-old wife drove the getaway car. Jessica Powell allegedly told police they took the money so they could go to the movies.
HEY, THERE'S NO PAGE 69
High school administrators in Bellvue, Washington took out X-Acto knives and trimmed some pages from a textbook called "World History To 1500." The action came after a substitute teacher assigned a four-page excerpt from the book on the explicitly erotic Kama Sutra.
For nearly a decade, a Dessau, Germany woman thought her husband was a police officer. She saw him off to work each morning while he wore a full uniform ... and listened each night to his stories of the cases he worked on. When her husband was hospitalized for a blood clot, the truth came out: he was getting a city paycheck because he was a railroad worker.
CLICKING UP A CAR
A 26-year-old Tokyo man found that the internet can turn up all kinds of useful information. He found his stolen 1997 Porshe Boxter searching through the web sites of used car dealers.
A WYSE WINK
Police in Jefferson Township, New Jersey say a woman called for the rescue squad because she thought she was having a stroke - one of her eyes wouldn't open. It turned out that 43-year-old Gladys Wyse glued her eye shut when she mistakenly applied Superglue to it. She thought she'd grabbed a container of eye drops.
Thieves who broke into a medical storage bunker at a Los Angeles hospital gave themselves up to police without any resistance. When officers responded to a silent alarm, they found the three teenagers unconscious. Police say the suspects had opened a container of chloroform and huffed it.
I SMELL SMOKE
Fire station 173 in Inglewood, California didn't have to leave the station house to put out this fire: one of their emergency vehicles burst into flames inside the stationhouse. Quick-acting paramedics doused the blaze, which resulted in only minor damage.
A burglar in Omaha, Nebraska broke into a restaurant through its roof to avoid setting off a burglar alarm. But the crook propped open a back door for a quick getaway - setting off the silent alarm. Police said that when they arrived, the perp was unsuccessfully trying to break into a safe with a small sledgehammer.
SEE A JUDGE ABOUT A HORSE
A municipal court judge in Hamilton, Georgia found himself in contempt of court and fined himself two weeks pay. Judge Paul Stansel punished himself for missing a day of work while caring for a 15-year-old horse.
THERE'S ONLY ONE DINOSAUR LISTED IN THIS BOOK
Chicago's Field Museum returned some long overdue books to New York's American Museum of Natural History. Researcher Bertholt Laufer had taken the books with him to Chicago when he got a job with the Field Museum ... in 1908.
VIAGRA PRESCRIPTIONS NOT INCLUDED
If you think your medical records will forever remain confidential - think again. A Superior, Wisconsin man found six months worth of medical files in a file cabinet he bought for $23 at a nursing home's furniture auction.
THIS MAN IS NOT FROM VENUS
A researcher into the paranormal explained to a court in Devizes, England how an intricate crop circle appeared in a local field: he did it himself. Matthew Williams - who was fined for causing $300 damage to a farmer's crops - said he wanted to show a competing researcher that the circles weren't necessarily made by UFOs.
PRACTICING UNSAFE WEB
School officials in New Brunswick, Canada recalled 6,000 safety cards issued to students from kindergarten through grade 5. Some of the cards contained an internet address that led to a kinky porn web site.
THAT'S ONE HECK OF AN EXPEDITION
A suburban Chicago body shop found out why the windows were sticking on a Ford Expedition - nearly 50 pounds of marijuana were hidden in the door panels. A couple had purchased the vehicle from a rental company.
NOT ONE OF US
A 19-year-old accused of impersonating a police officer near Daytona Beach picked the wrong car to pull over. He allegedly flashed a badge and turned on red and blue lights to pull over an off-duty police officer.
$99,000,000 TOO MUCH
A Hyde Park, Utah man was arrested for allegedly trying to cash a bogus 100-million-dollar Federal Reserve bond dated 1934. Prosecutors noted that in 1934, the Reserve never issued any denominations greater than one million dollars.
GET THE POINT
A would-be mugger at a park in Revere, Massachusetts produced a switchblade, only to have the blade fly out of the knife when he threatened to use it. Fumbling to catch the wayward blade, his hand was impaled by it. The embarrassed crook ran off, leaving blood and a fingerprint-laden knife handle at the scene.
Police in Oklahoma City say an 18-year-old burglar made it easy for them. A family returned home to find that their 32-inch TV and several other items had been stolen - and that the suspect had left his driving license in the break-in mess on the floor. Stolen items from several burgaries were allegedly recovered from the suspect's home.
WALKING ON WATER
A trawler off New Zealand's Taranaki coast made an odd catch - a human foot clad in a basketball shoe. Authorities said it appeared to belong to a man in his twenties and it had been in the sea for any period from six months to five years.
WHEN I'M 64
Harry Jackson may be the oldest police recruit in the history of Utah. At age 64, Jackson said he switched careers because he thought there was still time for him to make a difference.
I KNOW WHAT SONG IS NEXT
A suspected burglar in Beaverton, Oregon may have learned not to play his music so loudly - and not to steal so close to home. Police accused the suspect of breaking into a nearby apartment and stealing a 200-CD player. The victim heard his own CDs - in the order he'd placed them in his player - blasting from the suspect's apartment.
A man on his way to burn down his estranged wife's home called a Thessaloniki, Greece TV station and invited them to come out and video tape the fire. The TV station notified police. Apostolos Tsairidis - who was carrying containers of gasoline and alcohol - was arrested when when he got off the bus from which he'd placed the call.
THROWING RICE NOT SO NICE
A wedding reception was delayed in Lecco, Italy when the bride disappeared after the service. The woman had gone to a hospital to have a grain of rice extracted from her ear.
Police in Detroit caught two teenagers who had allegedly been breaking into the recreation center at an apartment complex to play ping pong. When one of the suspects got a ball lodged in his throat, the other called paramedics. The ambulance crew noticed the door lock had been jimmied and called police.
THERE'S A SCAM AFOOT
A New Haven, Connecticut podiatrist pleaded guilty to two counts of criminal fraud for overstating his treatments to the feds. Dr. Andrew Anastasio was billing Medicare for avulsions - surgical removals of toenails - when, in fact, he was just clipping them.
ON SECOND THOUGHT...
Two men - one armed with a rifle - entered a Little Rock convenience store intent on robbing it. But the sassy clerk who opened the register at gunpoint asked the duo why they'd want to go to prison over a measly thirty dollars. The suspects walked out without the money.
Sean and Pamela Jackson came home to their Bay City, Texas home to find that teenagers had tried to steal a concrete water fountain from their backyard. One of the suspects was arrested on the spot - where the 900-pound fixture had fallen over and pinned him to the ground.
A TAXING POSITION
The tax collector of Lackawana County, Pennsylvania was publicly embarrased when it was disclosed he hadn't paid property taxes on his home since 1991. Thomas Walsh said he had no defense - he just "got behind."
FUGITIVE'S COVER GOES UP IN SMOKE
Japan's most-wanted woman was a master of disguise and eluded police for 30 years. What finally gave away Fusako Sigenobu's identity? An officer recognized the peculiar way she smoked a cigarette.
DROPPING OFF DROPPINGS
A Bakersfield, California food company owner and warehouse manager were indicted for fraud after a complaint was filed by a federal school lunch program. They were accused of delivering poultry contaminated with rodent hair and feces to Kern County schools.
HOW DRY I AM
Margo Elaine West filed a suit against a medical center which performed an operation on her in 1997. The suit by West - who had suffered severe abdominal distress since the operation - says that Dr. Sharon Keith left a towel in her body which later had to be surgically removed.
IN A JAM
A woman in Kent, England was rescued by firefighters after she became caught by her cleavage in a doggy door. She and a friend were dog-sitting, but had lost the keys to the house while out partying.
LOOK AT ME!
Suffolk County, New York Detective Lieutenant Frank Stallone says a car thief who took his own mugshot ranks as one of the stupidist crooks he's ever encountered. The suspect used a 35 millimeter camera from the passenger seat of the car he jacked to take a picture of himself at the wheel. The car was recovered - complete with the camera.
A college wrestler called his house in St. Charles, Missouri to get messages - only to have an intruder answer the phone. The man at the other end of the line told Timothy Michel he was just sitting there and didn't intend to steal anything. Michel called some wrestling teammates who went over the the house and subdued the squatter until police arrived.
A Lincoln, Nebraska woman was arrested on charges of coaching her 13- and 16-year-old sons on robbing people at gunpoint. The woman was also charged with stealing the gun her sons used for the stick-ups.
LIFE IMITATES A SCREENPLAY
Thieves who attempted to pull off the biggest robbery in world history were thwarted by an elite squad from Scotland Yard that was disguised as a cleaning crew. The crooks bulldozed their way into the Millenium Dome to steal 500 million dollars worth of diamonds - but the Yard had been tipped off and replaced the rocks with crystal. 9 suspects were arrested.
EXPOSED TO LITERATURE
A 49-year-old Chardon, Ohio man was arrested for allegedly exposing himself at a public library. Police say they easily tracked down David Tuthill because he had used his own library card to check out books after allegedly flashing two librarians.
MOBILE DAY CARE
San Jose police arrested a woman after a co-worker reported hearing the muffled voices of children coming from the trunk of her car. Police say Rosemarie Randovan was keeping her 5- and 7-year old sons in the trunk. The police report says Randovan claimed she hadn't been able to find day care for nearly four months. The children were placed in protective custody.