Law and DisorderŽ
Strange Stories From Real Police And Court Files

©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.



SHOOT NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE
A cowboy-themed wedding in Bratislava, Slovakia had guests outfitted in American Western gear - and real six-shooters. The pregnant bride spent her wedding night in surgery after she was shot in the ankle when the guests fired their guns at the end of the ceremony.

APOLOGY
Thieves stole a V-8 engine, transmission and power window assemblies from a car in Kingston, Tasmania - then scratched a note into the vehicle's roof which read "Sorry, Mate!"

HEADS UP!
No one was injured when a Cessna two-seater made a crashlanding on a highway in Lebanon, Tennessee. The plane scraped the roof of a van and crashed into a sign that read, "Be Alert.  Arrive Unhurt."

A QUICK STUDY
Foil food trays and packets of steak sauce were used by a prisoner in Kent, England to build a makeshift welding torch - which he used to burn through one of the bars on his cell. The convicted animal rights terrorist had gotten the idea from a book in the prison library.

SNIFF, SNIFF
A man who stole expensive perfume from a store in Germany wasn't hard to find. During his getaway, he struggled with a security guard and one of the bottles broke inside his coat pocket. Police K9s easily tracked the strong scent all the way to the suspect's apartment.

TOONCES' KIDS
Four kittens were rescued just in the nick of time at a junkyard in Gosport, England. Workers spotted the litter inside a car just moments before it was to be crushed.

LOOKS FAMILIAR
A police officer in Antwerp, Belgium was waiting at a traffic light when he spotted a stolen car - his own. Authorities say a 22-year-old suspect jacked the car so he could visit the Eiffel Tower.

BUT LOOK AT THAT SMILE!
Customs officials in Florida arrested Garcia Jacobs after noticing 163 tubes of toothpaste in her luggage. Officials said they found 350 thousand dollars worth of cocaine in the obviously suspicious cargo.

IRRECONCILABLE METABOLISM
A woman in Romania who had trouble keeping off excess pounds divorced her husband because he could not gain weight. Maria Alexandru told the court that she had become unbearingly jealous because her husband could eat non-stop without putting on a pound.

KA CACA
A man in Lardal, Norway told police that a sex-crazed moose tried to mate with his car while it was parked in front of his house. Leif Borgersen said the moose covered his Ford Ka with lick marks and bodily fluids. Borgersen said when the moose got no response from the car, he pooped on it.

NAKED BEFORE GOD
A newly-wed man in Indepenta, Romania returned home to find the priest who had performed his wedding ceremony making love to his bride. Police said the man threw the naked adulterers into the street ... as a funeral procession was passing by.

HIDE & SEEK
Chatham County, North Carolina officials admitted they misplaced a ton of marijuana which had been buried in a landfill for safekeeping. It was the remainder of a 5-thousand-pound haul which had been shown off to the media after a bust. The other ton and a half was stolen from a truck parked behind the Sheriff's Department.

TIE ME PLANT WORKERS DOWN, SPORT...
47 workers at the Four Seasons Packing Plant in Wellington, New Zealand were found stoned on pot after eating an Alice B. Toklas-style birthday cake. The owner found workers crying by their machines while others were roaming around singing folk songs. A shift manager got extremely high, but was able to shut off the dangerous machinery. A 46-year-old woman was charged with supplying the drugged cake.

FRIENDLY GUNMAN
Two long-time customers were arrested as accomplices in the armed robbery of McGeer's Pub in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, because they allegedly made their involvement obvious. Police say that during the robbery, they sat at the end of the bar and giggled, then followed the gunman out of the pub.

WITHOUT A LEG TO STAND ON
Donald Sandroni and his artificial leg had been through a lot together. He once lost the titanium device while skydiving, but the leg survived a three-thousand-foot fall and was found after a three-hour search. But the Castle Shannon, Pennsylvania man never expected that the device would be stolen from his car outside a supermarket. Police vowed to keep an eye out for his leg.

BLUE LIGHT SPECIAL
Police in St. Tammany Parish, Louisiana claimed Gary Daunis displayed a combination of road rage and delusions of grandeur. Daunis allegedly had a flashing blue light on his dashboard and would pull over and verbally abuse drivers who cut him off. He was charged with impersonating an officer.

SNAIL MAIL
Postal officials at the Cincinnati processing plant were looking for the survivors of the addressee of a 92-year-old postcard - 1909 Bethel College student Posey Cullen. They couldn't explain how the card wound up in a facility that was built 27 years after the card was mailed.

FAMILIAR FOOL
Deputies in Violet, Louisina said two clues led to the arrest of an armed robbery suspect - the clerk at the robbed convenience store knew him by name, and he dropped his wallet while hauling away the cash register.

ZERO RUNS
A judge in Warner's Bay, Australia awarded a family 60 thousand dollars compensation after they were poisoned by salmonella from bad pork. But the judge said he had no evidence to back up their request for an extra 900 dollars for the toilet paper needed for their diarrhea.

THE CAT IN THE COAT
An 18-year-old Largo, Florida woman was charged with stealing an 800-dollar cat by stuffing it into her coat at her local Pet Land store. Officials say the woman may have fallen in love with the 10-week old Egytian Mau.

COLD FEET?
Thieves in Mebane, North Carolina used two stolen big rig cabs to crash the gates at American Knitting Mills - and haul off two trailers full of knitted socks.

ZERO TOLERANCE FOR "TUMBLING TUMBLEWEEDS"
A 73-year-old singing cowboy was hauled off to jail after he entered a Minneapolis courthouse to deliver a birthday song. Deputies thought Fritz Herring was deranged and on his way to kill a judge - because of the fake six-shooter that was part of his costume.

STRAIGHT-SHOOTER
Police in Racine, Wisconsin reported a man was bent on obtaining some Viagra. After a pharmacist told the suspect a prescription was required, he returned with a gun and made off with six bottles of the impotency pills.

LUSTY LESSON
A janitor at a Kenosha, Wisconsin High School resigned after leaving a porno tape in the classroom VCR. Elementary students got a 15-second eyeful before their teacher realized the instructional video had been replaced. Two months earlier, a principal at another Kenosha school was fired for viewing porn on his office PC.

ALL CREATURES GREAT AND SMALLER THAN USUAL
An Ohio couple sought 1 million dollars damages after their vet allegedly went too far while castrating their show horse, Funky White Boy. Stuart and Sandra Vestry said the vet removed the horse's penis - and status as a show horse.

POWERFUL FABRIC SOFTNER
A jar of liquid found in the laundry room of a rented house in Corona, California turned out to be nitro glycerine. A hazardous materials crew detonated the container in a school yard - sending flames 40 feet in the air and cracking nearby windows. The jar was estimated to be 20 years old.

SHEEP SHOT
A shepherd in northwest Egypt was shot to death while sleeping beside his flock. Authorities say he was shot by one of his sheep, which discharged Mokhtar Adl's rifle by kicking it.

HEAR YE!
A man was sentenced to nine years by a Liverpool, England court after leaving personal evidence at the scene of a violent mugging. While James Cottrell bashed a woman with a hammer and stole her purse, he dropped his false ear, which police used to identify him as the suspect.

NO KEY EVIDENCE
Police arrested a robbery suspect in Albuquerque who couldn't get away from the scene because he'd lost his keys. Jeffery Anaya allegedy robbed the cashier at screwdriver-point - then returned to ask if she'd seen his keys while she was reporting the robbery to 911. Officials say Anaya was searching the parking lot for his keys when officers arrived.

BURNED
A 20-year-old donut shop arson suspect was arrested after he attempted to call his alleged partner to announce, "Dude, it's lit! The whole corner's going!" Police in Hamburg, New York said Nichols Breidenstein misdialed - and made his exclamation to Hamburg's fire chief.

WHAT?
A constable sued the Aberdeen, Scotland police department for 30 thousand dollars, claiming he'd been injured by his 14 years as a K9 handler. Alan Ross says handling the constantly-barking dogs has damaged his hearing.

SUSPECT FACES THE MUSIC
A Clarion University, Pennsylvania student was on the lam after allegedly robbing a bank. But New York police nabbed him after fellow students saw him on an MTV dance program.

CAR 79, WHERE ARE YOU?
Police in Pensacola, Florida answered a TV station's query about why police car #79 had been parked in a church lot for a year and a half:  they forgot about it. The pastor of the church didn't report the abandoned cruiser because he thought it was an ideal crime deterrent.

PLEASE DON'T FEED THE TEACHERS
Two high school teachers in Pittsburgh have been charged with fixing grades in exchange for groceries from the supermarket where a student works. A store manager caught the student charging one of the teachers 10 bucks for 31 dollars worth of goods.

MOANS, GROANS AND CHEST PAIN
A 72-year-old man in Romania sought 30 grand from his neighbors for allegedly giving him a heart attack. Neculai Olaru says the couple gave him a coronary with their noisy lovemaking.

WE HAVE IGNITION
An intoxicated man who was smoking a cigarette while filling a gas can ignited the can - which exploded and blew him 15 feet into the air. As his car burst into flames, the man landed on a nest full of angry ants. Brisbane, Australia police charged the man with drunk driving, driving without a license, public endangerment and driving an unregistered vehicle.

LIFE LINE TRANSLATION
An 11-year-old helped save his baby brother's life by remaining calm and translating CPR instructions from a police dispatcher. Daniel Tinajero of Hammond, Indiana passed the instructions along in Spanish, so his mother was able to get his 20-month-old brother breathing by the time paramedics arrived. The baby had stopped breathing after it was stricken by a high fever.

LABELED
An EuClaire, Wisconsin judge handed out an unusual sentence option for a man convicted of stealing from clients at two funeral homes where he had worked. Judge Paul Lenz told Dan Pannell he could reduce his jail time by standing in front of a local cemetery on Memorial Day weekend wearing a sign reading, "I stole from the families of the dead."

COW ON THE MOOOOVE
Four men were charged with cow-rustling in Russia after dozens of witnesses told police they'd seen them in action. Moscow police say the cow had been stuffed into a hatchback and was spotted with its head sticking out the window while its abductors were driving it to another town.

BLITZED BIRDS
Motorists in Shasta County, California were plagued by drunken birds flying into windshields and dive-bombing into the roadway. Scores of birds met their fates along Interstate 5 after dining on fermented berries.

TRYING OUT THE BIG SCREEN MODEL
Police in York, Pennsylvania arrested a man after he alledly brought porno movies into his local Wal-Mart and began viewing them on a VCR in the audio-video department. The suspect faced up to five years for publicly displaying explicit material.

CROUCHING KEEPER
A 19-year-old tiger keeper at a Beijing zoo was mauled to death after attempting to defecate into a Bengal tiger cage. Police said the smell probably caused the tigers to pounce.

JUDGE NOT, LEST YE BE JUDGED
A volunteer firefighter in Hamilton was charged with impersonating an officer and unlawful restraint after using his vehicles's flashing red lights to pull over a traffic offender. Authorities say 19-year-old Anthony Barone pulled over a county judge.

A BLUR AND A BOOM
Authorities in Kuala Lumpur blamed faulty equipment on a traffic ticket which charged a motorist with driving faster than the speed of sound. The automatic speeding ticket generator clocked Lee Ah Chai at 1,120 miles per hour. Another ticket accused a taxi driver of doing 695.

CEREAL KILLER?
Police Natick, Massachusetts said they were at a loss to explain why a man stole 265 boxes of cereal from a Stop & Shop supermarket. An officer on the case suggested the suspect was cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

ARMED
Customs agents in Miami found drugs on a man from Haiti who supposedly had a broken arm. The plaster in his cast contained two pounds of cocaine.

WHALE OF A VIEW
One passenger on a whale-watching trip out of Port Allen, Hawaii got an all-too-close look at a baby humpback whale. The 20-footer jumped into the boat, breaking Sandra Gieb's knee. The whale was unharmed.

BITTER PILLS
A man in Bogata died after using the wrong method to smuggle LSD into the country. A police report said Cruz Pastanos died of a massive overdose after smuggling the drug in his digestive system using 20 dissolvable gelatin capsules - instead of the non-dissolvable plastic capsules - which he planned to pass after arriving in Colombia.

RAIL RAGE
Frustrated commuters in Pretoria, South Africa went into a rage when their trains were delayed. Police said over 6 thousand commuters took part in a riot that resulted in the assault of eight security guards and the burning of the train station.

THE BUTT OF A PISTOL
A Boise, Idaho man shot himself twice in the butt while allegedly transporting a dog he had just stolen from a Collie breeder. Police say Philip Boivin shot himself while adjusting the gun hidden in the rear waistline of his pants - then shot himself again trying to unhook the trigger from a tag on his underwear. The dog was unharmed.

WHAT --BURP!-- EVIDENCE?
A former district attorney was charged with fraud after eating his car's inspection certificate when he was pulled over by state police. Pennsylvania State Police said attorney Christopher McElynn was stopped because his inspection sticker was bogus. McElynn faced additional charges after failing to appear in court on the original count.

ALL ABOARD!
Darius McCollum of New York City had been a model token-taker, bus driver and subway engineer over a two-decade period - but he had never been employed by the Transit Authority. Police arrested McCollum at least 17 times for posing as a transit employee.

CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
A Janesville, Wisconsin man was given 10 years probation and fined 11 hundred dollars after leading police on a slow-speed chase. Carl Tuescher drove at speeds approaching 10 miles an hour - on a tractor.

REALITY DINNER THEATER
A woman on the Spirit Of Washington Dinner Train took participation in the murder mystery a little too seriously. In a Woodinville Police report that begins, "It was a dark and mildly stormy night ... ," police said the passenger wrestled a prop gun from a dinner theater actress - disclocating the actress' shoulder and partially fracturing her knee.

HAKIM FAKIM
A so-called "Hakim" - healer - was charged with fraud in Addis Ababa after offering to suck women's breasts to cure them of their ills. Police say at least three women - and one man - paid for his services.

NO ESCAPING HUMIDITY
Three inmates found the weather to be their undoing after escaping from a Erlestoke Prison in England. They crashed their stolen geteway car into a ditch in thick fog - and asked a passerby to call authorities.

SOMETHING FISHY
Chicago police arrested two alleged masked robbers after employees of the Shedd Aquarium identified one of them. 21-year-old David Aviles - an aquarium employee - was wearing the same clothes he had worn to work that day. Police say the employees also recognized his voice.

THE WALLS CAME CRUMBLING DOWN
Robbers in Peizerwoldt, Holland smashed through the wrong walls attempting to access a safe at a gas station. Although they eventually located the safe, they apologized for the mess by writing "Sorry" on the walls they damaged.

TOONCES: THE SEQUEL
A Watertown, New York family said their cat was to blame for an accident in which the car smashed into vehicles in a used car lot. Smokey the Cat's medication wore off on the way home from the vet. Smokey went crazy and her leash became entangled around the driver's legs.

CONTROL-ALT-DELIGHT
A man riding Boston's transit system was arrested for allegedly looking up a woman's skirt - the high-tech way. The suspect is charged with using a wireless camera and watching the results on his laptop computer.

ARE YOU HATCHING A PARROT OR JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?
A botanist from Austria was charged with attempting to smuggle snakes, parrots and bird eggs out of Rio De Janeiro. Officials said Johann Zillinger kept the eggs at nest temperature by placing them in his underwear next to his testicles.

THAT'S SOME DOG-EAR!
A Jamestown, California man received a bill for more than the U.S. national debt by his local library. Chuck Barr received a notice that he had damaged a book, seeking 40 trillion dollars compensation.

LIFE & DEATH OF THE PARTY
A jokester in Woodbine, New Jersey filled a muzzle-loader with paper towel wads and cigarette butts and fired it at his roommate. His roommate was killed when three cigarette butts pierced his heart.

NO SCORE
A man taking a drivers test near The Hague, Holland got a flunking grade after his car got struck on a railroad crossing. He and his driving examiner made it out of the car before it was struck by a train and dragged a quarter mile, then ripped in half when it was struck by a train from the opposite direction.

FREE TRADE OR FETISH?
Customs officials arrested a man who was transporting over 14 hundred pairs of women's panties from Slovakia into the Czech Republic. Officers said every inch of space in his car - including the door panels and hollow areas under the dash - were filled with panties.

ZIGZAG THROUGH THE VALLEY OF LIFE
A woman was arrested after bringing a Holy Bible to her husband in a jail in Bryan County, Oklahoma. Authorities say the bible contained some loose marijuana and a joint. Her husband was serving 15 years on a drug conviction.

THREE'S A CHARM
A Dutch man was remanded to a psyciatric hospital after police stopped his attempt to kill himself by jumping from a bridge in The Hague. He had already jumped from the same bridge three times that day.

GO AHEAD AND JUMP!
While police were trying to talk a suicidal man out of leaping to his death, someone hacked into the police radio network and began playing the Van Halen song, "Jump." The man was talked down by police without ever hearing the pirate broadcast.

PHONE FAUX PAS
A thief who stole a cell phone from a van in Huddersfield, England left his own phone behind. Police said the auto-dial numbers in the phone gave them a who's who list of local criminals.

CLEANER CLEANED OUT, ROBBER PRESSED
Sheriff's Lt. Brad Faulkner walked into the dry cleaning store next to his substation in Montgomery County, Ohio, to discover a robber walking away from the counter with the store's cash. He quickly subdued the suspect, whom Lt. Faulkner said was incredibly stupid to rob a uniform-cleaning business next to a police station.

BARELY A THIEF
Christopher Frandsen of Spokane, Washington was arrested for allegedly breaking into a home while naked. The police report noted that it was Frandsen's second arrest for nude burglary in a week's time.

DEERLY DEPARTED
Police in Worthing, England found the culprit who destroyed over 3 thousand dollars worth of flowers at Durrington Cemetery. A groundskeeper told officials the remains of an extravagant funeral service were eaten by a deer.

FINGERPHONE
A man in Madrid became the subject of ridicule by hundreds of passersby when he got his finger caught in a pay phone. The man - who was freed three hours later by a Telefonica repairman - got his finger captured by an anti-theft device in the coin return.

THE BARE BLITZ PROJECT
Two men in West Bend, Wisconsin allegedly had a third man video tape them as they romped through a supermarket food freezer wearing nothing but their undershorts. Using the video tape as evidence, police charged the trio with a variety of charges including indecency and damaging goods.

SHELTER FROM THE STORM
Police in Hastings, Nebraska easily collared a suspect after a city snow plow was stolen during a blizzard. Captain Larry Trosper reported that the perp drive the plow to a liquor store to buy a case of beer and payed with a personal check, revealing his name and address.

SCARLET BADGE
A woman convicted of shoplifting in Lebanon, Pennsylvania was given an odd but effective one-year sentence:  wearing a badge that reads "Convicted Shoplifter" whenever entering a store.

NEW SOURCE FOR ROAD RAGE
A truck driver from Knox College, Illinois had an unusual explanation after being arrested for possession of child pornography:  he told detectives he used the images to make him enraged at the exploitation of children, which, in turn, made him stay awake long enough to drive the long hauls.

AN UPDATE ON "WASH ME"
Two men accused of robbing a convenience store in a Providence, Rhode Island suburb were easily apprehended - thanks to some teens who were hanging around the parking lot. While observing the armed robbery in progress, one of the boys wrote "we are crooks" in the dust on the back of the suspects' SUV and called police. The suspects were pulled over and arrested three blocks from the store.

WONKA'S WILLY
Police in Stockton-On-Tees, England, found some crucial evidence at the home of a woman that was burglarized. The perp had taken a bite out of a novelty chocolate penis - leaving distinct tooth marks and enough saliva to obtain a DNA sample.

NO P.I.N. REQUIRED
Six workers in a scrap metal foundry in Fond Du Lac, Wisconsin were given 250-dollar rewards after they found 34 thousand dollars in a junked automatic teller machine. 20- and 10-dollar bills started flying from the ATM when they used an industrial saw to cut it in half.

MEETING YOUNGER GIRLS
A 25-year-old man was arrested for forgery and fraud after enrolling himself in Oregon's South Medford High School as a 17-year-old. He was caught when a teacher spotted him drinking beer at a pizza parlor.

NAME BLAME
In the course of the armed robbery of a Seattle-area electronics store, one of the suspects kept calling the other "Jimmy." The one called Jimmy was wearing a bowling shirt with the name "Nesco" embroidered on the back. Police arrested James Nesco and his roommate at a Federal Way, Washington apartment and reported that they recovered the stolen goods.

HONEY ... ABOUT YOUR MOM ...
A Beijing man thought he'd surprise his mother-in-law by wearing a multi-colored wig and Elton John glasses when he knocked at her door. Instead, the woman thought she'd opened the door for a demon and suffered a heart attack.

HERE I AM
During the trial of two taxi-robbing suspects in Buffalo, New York, police apprehended the third. The woman was sitting in the court gallery wearing the same jacket she had worn during the alleged robbery. The victim pointed her out to authorities.

TALE FROM VIENNA WOODS
600 were evacuated from Ferstl Palace in Vienna when fire broke out in a sitting room during a ball. A teenager started the blaze trying to defrost a doughnut with a candle.

BUSTED ON AN S.W.I.
Police in Canton, New York charged a college student with drunken driving - despite the fact that the motor on his vehicle was less than ˝ horsepower. Police said the suspect ran a red light on his motorized scooter.

BRIGHT BOY
A 2-year-old Buffalo boy is credited with learning a life-saving lesson from from his mom. Julie Wesolek taught her son Justin how to dial 911 on his toy phone. Justin was able to call the real 911 operator when his mom had a seizure a few weeks later.

MANAGE THIS
A Normal, Illinois student was charged with theft after returning a book to a store for a refund. The store told police that the book - on financial management - was stolen.

ACNE ANGELS
Two nurses were suspended from a south Wales hospital after they were caught squeezing the pimples of a patient - an anesthetized patient in the surgical recovery room.

VIRTUAL EMERGENCY
Firefighters were called during the overnight when a man in Dresden, Germany saw flames flickering in his neighbor's house. His neighbor was sleeping by the TV - the station he was watching displayed a "virtual fireplace" on the screen after sign-off.

BEERLY DEPARTED
A woman was awarded 425-thousand dollars damages from a county mortician who buried her son, a traveling carnival worker. When the woman had her son's body exhumed from Tampa, Florida for a full Christian burial, she found out her son's body was naked, not embalmed, and had been placed in a coffin full of empty beer cans and pizza boxes.

TRACKING THE T.P.
According to Philadelphia Police, the man who drove off with a truck loaded with 18 thousand rolls of toilet paper had performed a similiar heist just a month earlier. The stolen truck was located by the transport company's satellite tracking device. After a police chase, the suspect crashed the truck and jumped out of the cab - and off a 30-foot embankment, breaking his legs and ribs.

NEW BUDGET ITEM: GEIGER COUNTER
Staff members from London's Natural History Museum pleaded guilty to a charge of breaking safety regulations. It was discovered that some rocks on display were radioactive.

SHOW ME YOUR CHEESE STEAK
A Philadelphia-area woman escaped from an alleged rapist by insisting that he remove his clothes first. After the suspect complied, she ran away with his clothes and called police.

BLUE HAIR, BLUE LIGHTS
No one believed a 67-year-old woman was serious about robbing a bank in Meunder, Germany - until she allegedly fired four shots in the air. The suspect fled with 25-thousand dollars cash, but police reported they had no trouble catching her because she drove extremely slowly.

YA CAN'T GET GOOD HELP THESE DAYS
The former secretary of an Antwerp, Belgium doctor was ordered to pay her former boss 36 thousand dollars. The court ruled that the woman's incompetence at record-keeping caused the doctor to face huge tax penalties, resulting in the bankruptcy of his practice.

BEER-DRINKIN' BOARDER
A 27-year-old alleged burglar was arrested in Muskogee, Oklahama after supermarket employees found him living in crawl space above the ceiling. A store worker discovered the uninvited dweller after a beer can fell from the ceiling.

FLYING MONEY
A man in Rome filed a robbery complaint after a crow swooped down and stole the cash he had just obtained from an ATM. Police say the bird was probably specially trained to cop cash.

PRETTY IN PINK
Police in Jackson, Mississippi reported that a woman in her 20s robbed a supermarket manager at gunpoint, while a 10-to-12-year-old female accomplice held open a bag for the cash. Both were wearing pink summer dresses.

OK, THEN, GIVE ME ALL YOUR PENS
A bank robbery suspect in Columbus, Ohio didn't do his homework. Harold Berry - a former police officer - was charged with attempting to hold up a loan-application office that never had cash on hand.

DRUG AND RUG RAID
Police in Helmond, The Netherlands found more than marijuana when they raided a cannabis farm. They recovered a carpet which had been stolen a year earlier from police headquarters.

PIGGING OUT
Police in rural Germany responded to a silent burglar alarm at a supermarket and found two 300-pound suspects gorging on food. Two large pigs had broken through the front window and gone on an eating binge.

UNDER THEIR NOSES
A man allegedly in the process of stealing thousands of dollars worth of stereos from cars picked the wrong parking lot to hit. Aikens, South Carolina deputies found the suspect in the sheriff's department's impound lot.

SKANK ALARM
52 pounds of fresh marijuana was found by firefighters responding to an alarm at a Boston apartment. The alarms had been set off by the strong scent of the pot. Police also found 400 grand and four guns.

GUILT BUBBLES UNDER
New Zealand's Southland Gun Club received a letter containing a hundred dollars and an apology from a person who said he or she'd stolen liquor and cigarettes from the bar - back in 1982.

SHOW ME THE WAY TO FREEDOM
An Oklahoma prison inmate who slipped away from a work crew by stealing a van got lost 150 miles from the scene of the escape. He got so frustrated, he called 911 to turn himself in.

POOP POTION
Africa.Com reports that a Swaziland police department asked the town council for an unusual tool for fighting crime - a magic potion. The police believed that they could stop defecation in the streets by sprinkling the potion on the stools, magically causing the perps' buttholes to close up.

SHE'S SO STUCK UP
Residents in High Point, North Carolina became concerned about a female police officer who didn't wave back from her parked cruiser - or even move. After reports of a sleeping or dead officer came into the police house, the chief announced that the officer was a mannequin dressed in uniform - used to slow down traffic at an intersection notorious for accidents.

RIMSHOT, PLEASE!
A man who took to the stage of a Macon, Georgia comedy club wasn't joking. He told the crowd that he was the one who'd been robbing banks in middle Georgia. The club owner - a former police officer - held the suspect and called authorities.

TAUNT
A wanted con artist may have given Miami police one of their best clues in the case ... what appeared to be a videotape of himself, exclaiming, "Good luck trying to catch me!"

HAVE IT YOUR WAY
An armed robber who ordered Burger King employees into a freezer while the manager handed over cash must have had a rumble in the tummy. Manchester, Connecticut police said the perp ordered the cook out of the freezer and had him cook a Whopper with cheese ... to go.

EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH?
A Birmingham, England man who slumped over at his desk was dead for 23 days before a fellow employee noticed he had passed on. George Turklebaum's supervisor said Turklebaum always sat quietly at his desk, absorbed in his work.

WELL, IT'S RUBBER
A Bucharest woman was charged with whacking her 70-year-old father-in-law in the head with a fry pan after he failed to purchase a pacifier for her 4-year-old son. The grandfather unwittingly came home from the drug store with a condom.

GLAMOR SHOTS
Cincinnati police confiscated the film of a photographer mistakenly given too much access to the county morgue. The photos showed corpses posed among objects like syringes, keys, books, sea shells and auto parts.

©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.