Law and DisorderŽ
Strange Stories From Real Police And Court Files

©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.



PHALLIC FENCE
Students at a school near Reading, England carved a fence at the school into a giant penis sculpture just before a public awards ceremony. Officials at Oratory School scrambled to cover the fence before the dignitaries arrived.

SHINY-FLOORED CROOKS
Detectives from Reno, Nevada to Bishop, California were at a loss to explain the theft of at least 14 propane-powered floor buffers from supermarkets and department stores. 11 of them were stolen in Reno in one day. The machines were worth 4 thousand dollars each and required three men to lift them.

BE GLAD THEY DIDN'T FORGET HER CHOCOLATE SHAKE
Several families were terrified when a woman shot out a window at a McDonald's in Orlando near Universal Studios Theme Park. Police said the suspect was upset because her french fries were cold.

VICTIM MAKES PROFIT IN BURGLARY
A thief who stole four dollars from a Tokyo apartment left something more valuable behind - his ATM card and 30 dollars were found on the floor. Police busted him at his bank when he showed up to have his ATM card replaced.

FAUX FLATULENCE
Two men were arrested in New Jersey after clearing out a Shop-Rite store with "fart spray." Employees of the store said the duo originally tried using a fart-sound machine, but customers weren't driven out until the perps used the simulated smell.

IS THIS AN ESCAPE OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?
A prisoner in St. John's, Newfoundland complained of chest pains. Before removing him from the jail, authorities gave him a thorough search. They found a handcuff key - hidden under his foreskin.

CHURCH REACHES A HIGHER POWER ... BILL
A small storefront church in Jacksonville, Florida received a monthly electric bill for 2-point-2 million dollars. The utility company told the pastor that the church could either pay the bill or dispute it. Reverend Linda Robson says it was an easy decision.

FLAME-BROILED
A man burned his butt when he tried to use it to extinguish the eternal flame at France's Arc de Triomphe. The flame has burned continuously since 1921.

HIT THE ROAD, KID
A woman was charged with child endangerment after dropping off her 6-year-old son along an Ohio freeway - and telling him to walk to his grandmother's house in West Virginia. The boy was unhurt and placed in the custody of his father.

HELLO GOODBYE
Former inmate Chris Ciotoli waved from a vehicle's passenger seat to a deputy he'd met while in New York's Broome County jail. The deputy ran the plate of the car and found out it had been stolen. The driver was charged with auto theft, and Ciotoli was arrested for violation of a conditional discharge.

POLITICAL PRODIGY
West Deptford, Pennsylvania high school student Chris Flachbart was suspended after school officials accused him of bribery in the class elections. Flachbart said it was just a joke when he offered a free cookie to everyone in his grade if he was elected class president.

LICK TRICK
Three women were arrested in a wealthy section of Bogota, Colombia, where they seduced male drivers into stopping to lick their breasts. Police say the trio covered their breasts with a powerful drug that rendered their victims unconscious. The men would awaken hours later to find their cars, wallets and jewelry missing.

HE LOOKS MORE LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON
Nazroon Mohammed was shocked to find the nose was missing when he went to recover his father's body at a Trinidad hospital. The staff told Mohammed they'd been having problems with rats eating bodies in the mortuary.

LOOK FOR ME BY NAME
Albuquerque police had no trouble identifying a man who allegedly held up a fast food restaurant. They said the armed suspect left his wallet - including his ID - on the counter.

INSPECTING BEYOND BOVINES
A cow inspector for Japan's Ministry Of Agriculture was arrested for allegedly taking photos up women's skirts. Police said they seized Toru Nakamura's pocket camera and recovered several pictures taken of female undersides.

CALLING FOR BACK-UP
A strapping 21-year-old security guard was punched and bitten by a suspect who was stealing a ladder at a construction site in Hamburg, Germany. The guard called police to save himself from the brutal attack - by an 83-year-old woman.

THREE STRIKES AND YOU'RE OUT
A dry cleaner in Tennessee found a hold-up note in a client's shirt and turned it over to police. Authorities had already accused the suspect of two bank heists in Chattanooga - and the note brought charges of a third robbery in Murfeesboro.

HIGHER EDUCATION
Victoria, Australia corrections officials promised to review the policy on college courses for inmates after a mass murderer earned a degree - in Military Strategy and Weapons Systems.

AN INSIDE JOB
A thief in Helsingborg, Sweden hid in a home & garden store until closing time, then gathered up about 3 thousand dollars worth of goods. But he couldn't open the locked door and securty gate with a crowbar and eventually called police to let him out. They transported him to jail.

DUH
The parents of an Ottawa teenager are suing his school because a low score on an IQ test resulted in their son's placement in a class for the mentally handicapped. After independent re-testing, Dustin Kumpula's IQ was shown to be 113 - near genius level.

BABY BRUNCH
A pregnant woman on her way to work in Serenje, Zambia gave birth in bushes by the side of the road. Before the woman could even determine the gender of the child, it was swallowed by a large python. She ran home to alert villagers, but the snake could not be found.

DEAD MAN GRABBING
A 70-year-old man opened one eye and grabbed a friend's hand during his open-casket funeral service in Sao Paulo, Brazil. The coroner - at a loss to explain the incident - examined Juan Baptista's body and certified him dead a second time.

TAKING A BITE OUT OF CRIME
A 42-year-old woman walked into a Chicago police precinct and handed in the testicles she had bitten off a rape suspect. Police arrested 21-year-old Erik Williams when he showed up at a hospital with injuries matching the woman's description.

OUT OF ONE, INTO ANOTHER
An inmate at Elmwood Prison near San Jose thought he was escaping when he jumped the fence. But authorities said Arnold Ancheta merely jumped into the women's prison yard next door.

YOU ARE THE DUMBEST CROOK, G'BYE!
A 63-year-old railway clerk at England's Romsey Station put an end to an armed robber's plan. When the man pointed a gun at her, she said, "Don't be silly - go away!" The would-be robber fled.

MAGIC CHRISTIAN 2001
Four men were arrested outside a Wal-Mart store in West Bend, Wisconsin while videotaping people's reactions to money they had placed on the pavement. The dollar bills were smeared with poop.

PIN-UP
A man from Denmark who was working on his vacation home was saved from death when his nail gun pinned his knee to the roof. The gun went off accidentally when Jan Masden lost his footing - preventing him from plunging three stories head first.

PREJUDICED JURY
A mistrial was declared in a civil suit regarding a defective elevator in White Plains, New York. The judge killed the trial when jurors on their way to the courtroom were stranded in a defective elevator.

FISHY FIRE
Firefighters in Baton Rouge, Louisiana rushed off to a house fire - but while they were working, their firehouse when up in flames. Officials said the crew left a fish dinner frying on the stationhouse stove.

FISHY ASPHYXIATION
Saying, "Hey, watch this," Todd Poller of Bixby, Missouri swallowed a live, 5-inch perch to amuse his friends - and died. Police and paramedics said that Poller failed to realize a perch wasn't as smooth as a goldfish, so its spiny fins caused it to lodge in - and tear up - his throat.

SKANKIN' EVIDENCE
Police in Chicago confiscated 350 pot plants from an apartment equipped with irrigation systems and ventilation - ventilation which caused the strong smell of marijuana for a one-block diameter.

SCRATCHIN' SCRATCH
A Grants, New Mexico woman was charged with stealing a litter box belonging to her former boyfriend. Police said 15 thousand dollars cash was hidden in the box.

CASH CAN SUIT
A judge in Centreville, Maryland said Michelle Mercado couldn't prove a Coca-Coca served to her by former friend Laurie Mott was a gift. The judge said Mott was entitled to the 10-thousand-dollar prize from the winning Coke Sweepstakes can. Mercado had sued Mott for the prize money.

EYEWITNESS NEWS
Albuquerque police credit a KOAT-TV cameraman with subduing a suspect in a police chase. As cops chased the suspect down a mountainside, Joe Lynch was rolling tape from the bottom. As the suspect came towards the camera, Lynch put down his gear, tackled the suspect, and held him for police.

THE PRYING GAME
An L.A. man was been charged with running a fully-equipped illegal dental clinic out of his bedroom. The unlicensed practitioner was busted when he offered to fill the molar on an undercover cop for 40 bucks.

THE SNAPPLE HILL GANG
His name is Jesse James, but police say he's not as smart as his stick-'em-up-with-a-six-gun namesake. James used his shopper's bonus card before he and his pals allegedly robbed an Oswego, New York grocery store. Police tracked him through his card-scan.

BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS
A Japanese businessman who was robbed and abducted in Peru didn't have a hard time identifying his captors to police. He fingered two officers in the police station where he was filing his complaint. The department expelled the bad cops in a public ceremony.

HOOFIN' IT
Paul Wilson of Pierre, South Dakota was pulled over by police on his way home from having a few too many at the local bar. He wasn't charged with drinking and driving, but rather drinking and riding. He was on his horse. In South Dakota, riding drunk carries the same penalty as driving drunk.

SMELLS LIKE TEENAGE ACCELERANTS
A former fire cadet in Dayton, Ohio had an uncanny ability to pinpoint where arson fires were started. Even when the buildings were still burning. 19-year-old Nathan Scott - who showed up at fires wearing a fire department T-shirt and carrying a sophisticated scanner - was arrested and charged with arson.

UP IN THE AIR
A plane carrying 55 passengers circled a western Scotland airport for over 30 minutes after the pilot was told by the tower that there was an emergency situation. When the plane finally landed, the nature of the situation was revealed ... the lone air traffic controller was eating her lunch.

FREE RIDE
A man who signed up for a police ride-a-long program in Elgin, Illinois looked a bit familiar to one of the detectives. The detective ran a check on Jason L. Miller and found out he was wanted on a bench warrant for resisting arrest. He got his ride-a-long ... to the Kane County Jail.

RETOOLING
Police in Beckley, West Virgina planted tools in some vehicles hoping to snag a crook who'd been ripping off cars at local hotels. The suspect turned out to be a man who had been convicted of burglary two years prior. The planted tools - on loan from from the police evidence room - were the same ones the suspect had stolen the first time he was busted.

MAYBE THEY'RE SICK OF SOUZA
Specially trained K-9s are usually dead-on when it comes to sniffing out explosives. But police in Burlington, Vermont were left scratching their heads when two bomb-sniffing dogs singled out a case in the music room of a middle school. They detonated the case and found it contained nothing more than a clarinet.

HAS THERE BEEN A DEER IN HERE?
Some people might think that a deer that went on a brief rampage in Dublin, Georgia was making a statement. The deer crashed through a storefront window, destroyed most of the store, and then dashed out. It was a taxidermy shop.

ROBBING ONE'S SELF
A teller at a bank in Bordeaux, France told an armed robber his demand for 13 grand was ridiculously high. The crook lowered his demand to 68 hundred dollars, but the teller still refused. The suspect then asked for some money from his own savings account, revealing his identity to authorities.

GO , GRANNY, GO
A 71-year-old woman from Klapmuts, South Africa told officers who'd stopped her for speeding that she was late for church. Apparently, very late - she was clocked doing 106 miles per hour.

YES, SIR, TWO BAGS FULL
Five armed robbers in Murcia, Spain overpowered a retail store security guard, stole two burlap bags thought to contain the store's night deposit and fled in a stolen car. Police said the quintet made off with two bags of garbage.

YOU'RE OUT OF HERE!
A Rockville, Maryland school bus driver was placed on administrative leave for abandoning middle school passengers. The unruly students threw objects at each other, at the driver and out the window. The driver ordered everyone off the bus, forcing them to walk home.

NOT A CHEAP DATE
A 77-year-old retired security guard was convicted of holding up three banks in Skokie, Illinois. Harry Rabin told the judge he needed money to pay for dates with his girlfriend.

SUPER-SIZED LOOGIE
A 15-year-old from Columbus, Ohio faced a possible 6 years of juvenile detention after being charged with felony contamination of food. Police said the teenager admitted he spit in a Coca Cola before handing it to a police officer at the McDonald's where he worked.

THIS PUSSY'S NO PUSHOVER
Burglars in Derbryshire, England got more than they bargained for when they attempted to steal pet food from a warehouse. Bonnie the tiger cat attacked the intruders with her teeth and claws - causing them to run off. Police found blood from at least two suspects at the scene.

CARNIVAL CACA
Two elementary school students were arrested after submitting a possibly poisonous cake to a school carnival. The 7-year-old Goodyear, Arizona girls made the cake from pond water, laxatives and dog poop. They topped it with icing and Snickers bars.

BRIGADIER BEARS ALL
A British Brigadier found himself in an embarrassing situation at a Carlisle hotel. Brigadier Alex Birstwistle said he thought he was entering the bathroom in his darkened room, but instead locked himself out in the hallway - stark naked.

COINS OR LOINS
Ray Washington was given a choice of sentence after a drug paraphernalia possession conviction. Washington told a judge in Shalimar, Florida he'd have a hard time paying a 500-dollar fine because he supports eight kids. The judge gave him the option of paying the fine or getting a vasectomy. Washington paid the fine.

MAKIN' COPIES!
A man who attempted to pass badly-Xeroxed counterfeit 20-dollar bills in Boulder, Colorado told arresting officers that he'd gotten the bills from a bank. Officers said they found the originals in his wallet.

A POT TO PEE IN
Whitestown, New York air traffic controller Holly Jones was sentenced to 30 days plus counseling for urinating into her co-workers' coffee pot. After it was determined that urine was causing an unpleasant smell from the coffee machine, Jones was caught on video adding the extra ingredient.

OVERDUE OVERCHARGE
The University Of Helsinki's chief librarian says a computer glitch is responsible for the fine assessed to a man who hadn't returned two paperback books from 1998 and 1999. Harri Hoivala received a bill for 12 million dollars. He couldn't find the books in question, so he settled for paying the corrected fine of 121 dollars.

LET'S DO IT AGAIN
Police in Astoria, Queens, New York convinced a rape victim to call her assailant on the cell phone he stole from her. The woman complied, and invited the suspect back to her apartment. Police arrested 29-year-old Sam Cuspert after allegedly finding the victim's phone and underwear in his pockets.

FROM HERE TO THERE
A woman won a 1-million-80-thousand-dollar judgement from a California doctor who took liberties with the excess skin he removed from her. Dr. William Shaw used the skin to enlarge her breasts - without permission.

REMINISCING ROBBER
Police in Albuquerque said the masked man who robbed a Taco Bell restaurant gave away his identity when he greeted a worker during the heist. Former restaurant manager Tim Beach allegedly pulled up his ski mask to announce, "It's me, Tim."

WHAT A GAS!
Officials in Brasov, Romania say a fire in a residential building was caused by methane gas. The flammable fumes were generated by 75 hundred pounds of rotting garbage in a woman's 5th floor apartment.

HOME COOKING
Lawrence Scheurich of Avilla, Indiana was convicted of unlawful entry after neighbors caught him breaking into his ex-wife's home while she was away on vacation. Scheurich stole two of her recipe books.

CRIME AT THE CHIEF'S DOORSTEP
Wymore, Nebraska police chief Bryan Davidson found a purse on his doorstep when he took a lunch break at home. The purse contained bags of meth, drug paraphernalia and a driver's license which led to the arrest of a suspect.

RAGING CHRISTIAN
A woman in Detroit was stopped at a traffic light behind a car bearing a bumper sticker which read, "Honk if you love Jesus." She honked. The driver got out of the car and bashed her hood with a baseball bat.

HOT BABE
A Minneapolis Fire Department captain was the subject of an investigation after posing for a picture with his arm around the waist of a charred, dead woman. The photo was taken after the discovery of the woman's remains in a burned-out building.

PICTURE THIS
People thought they were buying a digital TV when they saw the ad on the internet for one with a "great picture." Purchasers got a "great picture" - a picture of a digital TV. Omaha Police accused a teenager of bilking customers out of at least 11 thousand dollars.

ITS TAIL ISN'T WAGGING
Miami Police found an unusual creature guarding a house containing 125-thousand-dollars worth of pot - a 5-foot-long alligator. A firm called Pesky Critters was called to remove the gator, which was described as "very healthy."

KIDNEY DROP
Con man Barry Howell had been arrested 49 times under 10 aliases and convicted 21 times. Howell was given only probation for his 21st conviction, however. He made a plea deal - if he stayed out of jail, he'd donate a kidney to his ailing sister.

THEORY VS. PRACTICAL EXAMPLE
Two border officers drove from Austria to Slovakia to give colleagues pointers on reducing car thefts. During the meeting, the officers' car was stolen from a secure parking lot.

ECHOING CALL
A man in Stolberg, Germany eased his way down a 50-foot well to retrieve a dropped cell phone. On his way back up, he got stuck on a ledge - and used the phone to call for his rescue.

SEE HOW IT FEELS?
Authorities in La Grange, Georgia say a man who broke into six patrol cars was trying to teach police a lesson. Terry Stanford was allegedly frustrated because of a series of unsolved break-ins at his auto body shop.

CHECKING REFERENCES
Police arrested a 37-year-old man in connection with a series of bank robberies in San Francisco. He reportedly left a money-gram receipt bearing his name at his second-to-last robbery. Police said that at his last robbery, he dropped a job resume containing his name and a Massachusetts address. The suspect had served 5 years for bank robbery in Massachusetts.

MUNCHIES
A Plainsboro, New Jersey fast food worker faced drug charges after a customer found a bag of pot and a pipe inside a take-out bag. Officials said the suspect offered the customer coupons and cash not to tell the police.

TWO WRONGS
An electrician was charged with arson following two fires at a luxury apartment building in Tokyo. Police said Takinao Togo set the fires to cover up his shoddy work.

THE BIBLE WILL SET YOU FREE
A prisoner in Madison County, Indiana was charged with attempted escape after a tip led guards to inspect his bible. Authorities said they found a hacksaw blade between the pages.

BLACK MINIMARKET
Three men arrested in New York were charged with stealing over 1˝ million dollars worth of tiny liquor bottles, like the ones served on airlines. Police say bodegas, delis and grocers in Manhattan bought the stolen goods and resold them for two to three dollars each.

URINE TROUBLE NOW
South Carolina State Police charged Kenneth Curtis with selling his urine over the internet, claiming it was being used to fake drug tests. Curtis contended that he had to right to sell his bodily fluids to anyone he pleases - and that he was not a drug dealer, he was a pee dealer.

EMACIATED ESCORT
A Virginia woman said she was crushed - because her car was. Jurlean Cook's relatives hired a Newport News towing company to move her Ford Escort for repairs. But the towers accidentally sold the car to a Yorktown junkyard, which stripped its parts and crushed it.

DROMEDARY DELINQUENT
The Arapahoe, Colorado County Sheriff's Office police log described a suspect taken into custody for loitering in the parking lot of a local church:  "Joe, age unknown, sex unknown, dressed all in brown, brown eyes, 6-foot-6, 500 pounds, 4 legs, one hump." Joe The Camel had escaped from a pen where he was awaiting his appearance in a biblical re-creation.

LIGHTS! CAMERA! ACTION! VIOLENCE! CUT!
A woman in Norwich, England saw a man snatch the purse of an elderly woman - so she whacked the perp in the face with her handbag, leaving him sprawled on the sidewalk with a bloodied face. The man and the senior citizen were actors re-creating a mugging for a TV show. Nicola Hughes hit the actor so hard, the handles on her bag broke off.

VERY WELL-KEPT WOMEN
The average wage in Brossov, Transylvania was reported to be 90 dollars per month, but some local hookers may have done much better than that. A bank robbery suspect told police he spent his entire 13-million-dollar haul on prostitutes - within 10 hours of the hold-up.

SAVED BY ALCOHOL
A West Virginia man faced attempted murder and robbery charges after a sex shop clerk in Ohio County subdued him for police. Police say the armed robber attempted to shoot the clerk, but had loaded his rifle with the wrong type of bullets because he was drunk.

NOT AS CHEEKY ANYMORE
A nude model in Manchester, England threatened to sue a hospital after a steroid shot disfigured her butt. Laura MacKenzie-Hawkins says her career was taken away by the arthritis shot, which left her with a large, uneven dent in her bottom.

EASY TO GRILL
A bank robbery suspect was taken into custody at a tanning salon in Fort Worth, where he was stripped to his underwear for a tanning session. Staffers at the salon called the police because the man was out of breath when he arrived, but he denied being chased.

SOCCER COLLIES
Angry spectators forced an entertainer to shut down his dog football show in Zuidbroek, The Netherlands. Henk Boels said he fled the show because the audience was menacing. Spectators told animal control authorities that Boels' 6 border collies didn't appear to be healthy or properly fed.

31 BACKWARDS IS 13
Police in Vancouver, Washington say a 31-year-old woman posed as a high school student for three years. Brianna Stewart's true age came to light after a man was convicted of having underage sex with her - it turns out she was 28 at the time.

SAFE IS SAFE BUT NOT SOUND
Police who recovered a safe stolen from a Winona, Minnesota man noticed that drug-sniffing dogs were highly interested in the device. After obtaining a warrant, officers found two pounds of pot and a drug scale in the safe. The man who reported the burglary was slapped with felony drug charges.

CLASS PROJECT BOMBS WITH AUTHORITIES
A Tampa, Florida teacher was placed under investigation after allowing students to design a complex bomb detonator as a class project. Detectives said the students' device could have blown up a 300-foot area - all it needed was explosives.

BOUNCING BABY BOY
A 23-month-old Plymouth, Massachusetts boy survived a three-story fall when he bounced off the canopy of a restaurant on the first floor of an apartment building. The boy fell out an open window after climbing up on a couch. The toddler suffered only minor scrapes. His parents were cited for neglect.

MAKING ASSES OF THEMSELVES
A EuroStar train was diverted from a section of track in Kent, England because six boys were mooning at commuters. A EuroStar spokesperson said the diversion wasn't to save travelers from the embarrassment - it was to prevent the boys from having their bare bottoms torn off.

BAAAD DOG
Romania launched an educational billboard campaign after shady traders began passing off dead dogs as lamb meat. The ads tell consumers how to tell the difference between skinned dog and lamb by observing jaw bones, paws and blood color.

AIMING TO PLEASE
Police in Thessaloniki, Greece staked out a prison after guards found packages of heroin and hashish hanging from the razor wire surrounding the compound. They arrested two men who were allegedly shooting the baggies into the courtyard with crossbows.

LOCATION! LOCATION! LOCATION!
Two women were arrested while breaking into a pizza parlor in Hastings, Nebraska. They were spotted by Sgt. Don Losada from a window in the police station directly across the street.

FOR I HAVE SINNED
The deacon at St. Nicholas Cathedral in Omsk, Russia was sentenced to three years after breaking down a female parishoner's door with an axe. He was also convicted of punching and stabbing woman, with whom he had frequently drunk vodka.

ZOOM, TEAM, ZOOM!
Suffolk County, New York prosecutors say a former teacher was posting up-the-skirt video closeups of cheerleaders on the internet. Kevin Dern was accused of zooming in on the high-schoolers' privates whenever they did a split. He was charging 14 bucks a month for subscriptions to CheerVideos-dot-com.

HIGH-ROLLER JUDGE
A former Rhode Island traffic court judge agreed to reimburse the state for gambling on state time. John Lallo admitted that he visited a casino in Connecticut 66 times while was officially on duty.

HANKY PANKY MESSAGING
A Medias, Romania inventor won his divorce case because of a device which caught his wife sleeping with a neighbor. Vasile Prisca's invention called his mobile phone whenever someone heavier than his wife got into his bed.

GET ME CLOTHES NOT TO STENCH, WENCH
A man in Melbourne, Australia forced a woman into a car. He drove the victim to his apartment, forced her to do his dishes and laundry, then drove her back to the location from which he'd abducted her.

A BLINKING IDIOT
The Los Angeles Times reports that a suspect in a late-night police chase thought he could lose the cruiser by turning off his lights. Unfortunately he was still easy to follow - he instinctively used his signal lights every time he turned onto another street.

BLUE DOTS, YELLOW EYES
A man was charged with unlawfully tattooing party dots on children aged 10 to 17 who attended a slumber party in St. Johns County, Florida. Police say Edward Brill used a rusty, homemade tattoo gun to place the dots between the kids' thumbs and forefingers. The boys and girls were tested for HIV, hepatitis and other diseases.

OVERHEAD EXPENSES
Brooklyn firefighters who knocked out a ceiling while fighting an apartment fire found 30 thousand dollars cash, wrapped in aluminum foil. The resident - who'd fallen asleep while smoking - said he'd wished he'd known it was there.

HANNIBAL'S RECIPE BOOK NOT INCLUDED
Two women were arrested for selling meat on the streets of Chisinau, Moldova. They told police the plastic bags contained human remains, which they obtained from a cancer clinic.

KILLER BUTT
Police in Miramar, Florida say a 53-year-old county employee died after receiving underground plastic surgery in her apartment. Vera Lawrence suffered complications after she had her buttocks enlarged.

SELF-INFLICTED DESK DUTY
An East Orange, New Jersey police officer accidently shot himself while approaching suspects in a stolen car. His partner thought the suspects had fired the shot and - along with an officer from another patrol car - riddled the vehicle with bullets. Two unarmed teens in the car suffered multiple wounds.

SAUCY EXPLOITATION
The owner of Denver's Aurora Pool Hall was arrested after police seized videos of underaged girls wrestling in apple sauce while topless. Michael Smith was also charged with possession of ecstasy.

SITTING ON BRICKS
An Amtrak passenger headed from Montreal to New York complained that his seat was lumpy. The conductor found a half-pound of marijuana hidden in the cushion. The train stopped in Albany, where police and drug-sniffing K9s found three more seats loaded with pot.

DADDY'S DESIGNATED DRIVER
An Albuquerque man was charged with drunk driving and felony child abuse after he failed to pass a sobriety test following an accident. The man told police his 11-year-old daughter was driving. Two other children were in the car.

LIGHTS, CAMERAS, NO ACTION
Two thieves in Gold Coast, Australia robbed - of all places - a security company. They thought they were were making off with high-tech video and security equipment - but took only empty boxes and display props. Their escapades were captured on 16 high-resolution cameras.

BATTERIES INCLUDED
Several blocks of Lincoln, Nebraska were evacuated after a ticking package was discovered at a post office. Fire investigator Jack Bruns instantly recognized the sound as that of a motorized Tonka toy truck. Bruns said he'd had so many grandchildren, he'd know that sound anywhere.

LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT
A man in court on burglary and drug charges had a third count added after witnesses said he tried to hide a plastic bag of white powder under a courtroom chair. Deputies confiscated the bag from beneath the chair occupied by Gregory Walter. Memphis police say a lab test showed that the substance was cocaine.

STRIP CHASE
Two teenage girls suspected of car theft were being chased on foot through a residential area in Kansas City. One of the girls lost her dress, then her underwear, jumping over fences. Both lost their shoes during the chase. The persuit ended when their bare feet landed in a back yard covered with pine cones.

REGINA'S VAGINA
When police arrested Regina Griffin for allegedly passing a phony prescription, a body search revealed she had over 21 hundred dollars hidden in her vagina. Authorities said it "fell out of her" during a routine search at the Beaver County Jail in Pennsylvania. A judge ordered the cash be sent to the Treasury to be destroyed and replaced.

©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.