Law and DisorderŪ
Strange Stories From Real Police And Court Files

©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.



DEEP SIXED
Three men who were fishing illegally in Vrula Bay, Croatia wound up facing double murder charges. Authorities say one of the suspects admitted they were using landmines to fish - and killed two divers.

WAS REGIS PHILBIN'S PICTURE ON IT?
A Harrisburg, Pennsylvania woman was arrested on 16 counts of fraud after opening a bank account with a fake one-million dollar bill. Embarrassed bank officials said the teller who accepted the bogus bill was unaware that America has never issued that large a denomination.

MICHAEL JACKSON NOT WELCOME IN SALT LAKE CITY
The Utah State Supreme Court ruled that grabbing and shaking one's crotch in public violates the state's ban on public sex acts. The court called the act "deliberate simulation of masturbation."

SO THAT'S WHY MY BIRD WON'T STOP SINGING
A woman who took an exotic plant to a gardner's question forum in Worcester, England was warned to destroy it. The plant, which had grown to five feet following a bird seed spill, was determined to be a type of cannabis.

BABY, BABY, CAN'T YOU FEEL MY HEARTBEAT?
Coroners in Germany issued a warning that sex in brothels can lead to death - and not necessarily from sexually transmitted diseases. Hamburg University researchers said the thrill of bedding a prostitute has led to fatal heart attacks in men of all ages who are unaware they have heart defects. The phenomenon was dubbed "Love Death."

MUSKY MENAGERIE
According to Davis County, Utah law, a person can keep no more than six ferrets. Animal Care & Control reported that a woman was keeping no fewer than 261 ferrets in her apartment. Neighbors had complained about the stench of the critters, who were distributed to various ferret rescue groups.

FLUSHED SUSPECT
A man suspected of cow-rustling hid in an outhouse on the property of a Plesoi, Romania farmer - but lost his footing and fell into the cesspool. The owner rescued him when he began to drown, but held him at a distance until police arrived - the suspect was quite stinky.

BIG BARF BAGS
A 25-year-old bulimic woman confessed to police in Anjo, Japan that she had been illegally dumping her vomit in city streets. She was arrested after officers saw her dump 3 bags containing over 60 pounds of puke.

PUGSY THE NARC
Police reported seizing 154 marijuana plants from a Victoria, B.C. house following a tip from an animal control officer. The officer had responded to complaints of the suspect's Shar-Pei, Pugsy, roaming the neighborhood when he smelled marijuana coming from a vent on the house.

STUMPED BY A STUMP
The Thurston County, Washington Sheriff's Office said there were no county ordinances that prevented Jean Paul Parshall from making a sculpture out of a tree stump. Parshall carved an 8-foot sawed-off crag into the shape of a penis.

TIPSY TIPOFF
A Petersborough, Ontario man was arrested on various drug and alcohol charges after a tip for a Burger King employee turned into a tipoff for police. The cashier told police the suspect tipped him with a joint.

BUSSES DON'T MEASURE UP
A 15-million-dollar fleet of new busses for England's Merseyside had a slight problem. All 70 busses were an inch-and-a-half too wide to fit through the tunnel between Liverpool and Birkenhead.

YANK-PROOFING
A Mayes County, Oklahoma couple were arrested for allegedly tying up their 8-year-old adopted son each night as well as piercing his genitals with a hog ring. The suspects reportedly told deputies they were trying to keep the boy from masturbating.

YANK-PROOF POLICE
Policemen in Thailand have been issued protective cups as part of their riot gear. The action came after female protestors discovered they could disable police lines by squeezing the officers' testicles.

FORGET SOMETHING?
Officials were baffled when a man was apprehended trying to break into a prison in Salem, Oregon. Authorities said Joel Montoya was equipped with bolt cutters and a hacksaw and was carrying a gun when he was caught trying to enter prison grounds through a razor-wire fence. He'd been released from the jail just hours before the incident.

A DIFFERENT KIND OF STICK-UP
A Falun, Sweden man received a two-month sentence for threatening a checkout clerk with a sex toy. The 44-year-old said he was joking when he offered to stick her with a vibrator during a shoplifting search by store security.

LOOKING TO BUY ABE LINCOLN'S LAPTOP?
A Los Angeles man was indicted for selling bogus memorabilia to a collectors' shop in Maryland. Among the bogus items were a pair of workout shorts supposedly used by Princess Diana and the alleged wedding rings of Walt Disney and his wife. The rings were engraved with the wrong wedding date.

DON'T CALL ME, I'LL CALL YOU
A manhunt in Harrison County came to an end when a burglary suspect was outdone by modern technology. Deputies said Milton Sims was easy to find in a wooded area after his cellphone rang.

WHERE'S THE TIGHT END?
The parents of a star high school quarterback in Chappaqua, New York were arrested for hosting a team party which allegedly included beer, pot and a stripper. Police said students as young as 15 were licking whipped cream off the stripper's body.

MEOW
A 39-year-old Toronto man was cleared of charges that he had sex with his cat. He was turned in by a drug store which developed photos which appeared to show the defendant committing the crime. He told the court the photos were just a stunt.

NICE GOATEE
Police and an animal officer were summoned to New Zealand's Rydges Queenstown hotel after elevator doors opened on the fifth floor, revealing an adult ram.

IT'S A COLD CELL, BUT THERE'S PLENTY TO EAT
A burglary suspect in Pine Plains, New York found a whole new meaning to "being on ice." Police claim two restaurant owners caught Michael Westpfal in the act of burglary, apprehended him and locked him in the walk-in freezer before police were summoned.

NEED NOT APPLY
A Baltimore man who was applying to be a police officer was surprisingly candid when the questionaire asked if he had ever committed a crime. Police said Edwin Gaynor confessed to committing a carjacking and robberies in Texas. Authorities in Texas immediately filed extradiction papers.

LESS PALL TO BEAR
The owner of a funeral home in New Haven, Connecticut was arrested after five decomposing bodies were found in his garage. Authorities said Michael Wade's funeral home had been operating for over a year without a license.

FRILL THRILL
Police in Portland, Maine said they solved a series of break-ins in which women's underwear was rummaged through, but not stolen. A 14-year-old boy was charged with breaking in and trying on the undies.

RESTROOM BREAK
A prison inmate escaped his work detail in Morrow Bay, California - unwillingly. The inmate was using a porta-potty when it was picked up and driven off by a truck. A businessman in nearby San Luis Obispo heard the man screaming for help from the chained-up potty as the truck drove by.

REELING IN A BIG ONE
Thieves in western Massachusetts were using a large, powerful magnet dangling from a helicopter to lift heavy iron weather vanes off their perches on barns and stately homes. Police found the abandoned 45-pound magnet - and its severed rope - stuck to a rooftop cooling unit.

MOTHERLY BURGLARS
Burglars broke into a veterinary clinic in Indiana and stole a large quantity of OxyTocin. Police said the suspects were probably seeking OxyContin, which produces effects similar to heroin - but their booty, OxyTocin, induces childbirth and prompts the body to lactate.

RESCUE THAT RASCAL
Two officers from Zephyr Hills, Florida broke into a parked van after reports that the baby stapped into the van's car seat wasn't moving. The infant - complete with a pacifier in its mouth - turned out to be a doll.

CHOP CHOP
A gang of thugs in England's West Midlands picked on the wrong 14-year-old. When they tried to rob Gareth Kelly of his cash and mobile phone, Kelly effortlessly dropped one of them to the ground and the other four ran away. They didn't realize Kelly had just won the European karate gold medal.

DEFECTIVE DETECTIVE
Police in Milford, Connecticut arrested a man who allegedly stole money from local merchants by impersonating a police detective. Authorities said the suspect would ask for tens and twenties from the business' cash registers because he was conducting an investigation into counterfeiting.

COULD YOU PLAY SOME BOY GEORGE?
DJ Robert Andrew Boswell of Chapin, South Carolina was arrested in connection with 21 local burgaries in which women's underwear and a wedding dress were stolen. Police claimed Boswell would take the items to an abandoned house and wear them.

WITHOUT A LEG TO STAND ON
A man with a broken leg in a cast robbed the Dip 'N Sip donut shop in Brockton, Massachusetts. As he was making his way out of the shop, patrons jumped him and held him for police. The suspect had two broken legs by the time officers arrived.

GROWING 5-POINTED FIG LEAVES?
When police apprehended a naked man walking around a Camano Island, Washington movie theater he allegedly told officers he grew marijuana for a living. The Island County Sheriff's Office said 80 marijuana plants were removed from his property.

ALL RESEARCH, NO RESULTS
A Lugano, Switzerland radio talk-show host asked for permission to research internet porn for a new program. Sergio Savoia was fired six months later for failing to produce the show after visiting 45 thousand porn sites.

DOCTOR FEELWEIRD
Warren, Michigan police arrested a 63-year-old man who used a rectal thermometer to check the body temperatures of three toddlers who were baby-sat by his daughter. Police said that in three separate incidents, the kids showed no signs of illness but were awakened by the suspect pulling down their pants.

MORTIFYING MOMENTOS
A Burlington, Ontario morgue worker was arrested after a search warrant turned up a skull, body parts and photos of corpses at his home. Police said the body parts were considered trophies by the suspect.

HERE'S A MODEL YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ...
An Oregon auto dealership was fined 31 thousand dollars and agreed to pay 90 thousand to the family of a man with Alzheimer's Disease. Hillsboro Chrysler-Plymouth sold the 78-year-old man seven vehicles over a period of four weeks.

POOP FOR PEE
19-year-old Zachary Pyles of Anderson City, Indiana was convicted of urinating in a teenage girl's soft drink before she sipped from it. Judge Donald Phillipe sentenced him to six months probation and 60 hours shoveling poop from police horses. The judge told Pyles that if it were legal, he'd punch him in the nose.

OR YOU'LL DO WHAT?
A man admitted to a series of robberies after trying hold up a Tokyo convenience store with a toy gun. The clerk laughed at Yoshimitsu Shinone's fluorescent green gun and called police as he fled the store.

YA GONNA BE USING THIS?
A Minneapolis firefighter pleaded guilty to stealing a cell phone from the body of a man who'd committed suicide. George Chea admitted to swiping the phone while he was cleaning up blood and human tissue from the dead man's apartment.

FISHERMEN WOULD DIE WITHOUT THEIR BEER
A beer cooler is credited with saving the lives of four fishermen on Lake Ontario. Oswego, New York authorities say the quartet used the styrofoam cooler as a flotation device after their 19-foot boat was capsized by 5-foot waves. They eventually drifted close enough to shore to attract help with their screams.

GROUP-PEE
A San Francisco woman sued MTV Networks for airing footage of her kissing a band member in a stall in a women's rest room. Her attorney says she signed a consent form, but was drunk at the time.

YEAH, SURE
A naked man was found roaming the streets of Portonovo, Italy proclaiming, "I don't use drugs!" Police said he was carrying his cut-off genitals in his hand, and that various drugs were found in the tent where he'd been living.

SEARCHING FOR SOPRANOS
A janitor in Bangkok found a penis and testicles in a sandwich bag in the trash at a railway station. Police polled local hospitals, asking if anyone had shown up with their genitals missing.

IN CASE YOU HAD ANY DOUBTS ...
A drug suspect who returned to a London police station just hours after posting bail was re-arrested. Police said the suspect entered a secure area to reclaim some personal property and a search turned up marijuana in his pocket.

HOT FOOT
An El Cajon, California man sued the organizers of an annual nudist convention because he burned his feet trying to walk over hot coals. The suit claimed seven people were hospitalized during the convention after being assured a fire-walk would be "safe and spiritual."

MOBILE MEN'S ROOM
Police officers in Ontario, Canada pulled over a car which was traveling much slower than regular traffic. Police reported that the driver was urinating in a bottle as he drove - and spilled it all over himself as he stopped for the cruiser.

ROBBIN' HOODS
People scrambled to pick up thousands of dollars after bank robbers tossed it into a street in West Palm Beach, Florida. The haul was marked by an exploding dye pack so the crooks threw piles from it into the air, knowing pedestrians would block police on their tails. More cash was found in their abandoned vehicle.

HUFFING AND PUFFING
A man who was huffing propane blew his house apart when he lit a joint, according to prosecutors in Muskegon County, Michigan. The suspect suffered minor burns, but the blast destroyed his house and damaged two others.

DADDY EXPRESS
A Federal Express courier met the father he'd never known while delivering a package to a man bearing his father's name in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Darius Simmons had been told by his late mother that his father was dead. John Johnson had left Simmons' mother when his son was under a year old.

TYPE IN 'FUZZ IN LEATHER'
Houston's police department pulled the plug on the search engine of its web site after pornographic ads starting popping up. The department had outsourced the search engine to a G-rated company which, at some point, changed its policy.

HOW NOW BROWN SPOTS?
A shoplifting suspect at a Wal-Mart store in Clovis, California should have pulled his heist more quickly. A security officer detained the man when the 16 giant chocolate bars stuffed in his pockets melted and showed through his white jeans.

CANNABIS CROOK
A Roanoke Rapids, North Carolina man called police to report that 27 of his pot plants had been stolen. He showed deputies the evidence, which included damaged plants in his garden. He was arrested on felony drug charges.

THE HOTLINE'S RINGING
A Methodist minister in Castletown, England was preaching to his congregation about mortality. Seconds after advising his flock to "prepare for God's call," he slumped over in the pulpit and died of a heart attack.

MY, WHAT BIG TEETH YOU HAVE
A couple in Winterhaven, Florida awoke to find that it was not the family dog who had slipped through the kitchen pet flap and fallen asleep on their bedroom floor. Felipe Barrera said when the creature hissed at him, he realized it was a three-foot alligator. An animal control specialist returned the gator to a nearby lake.

THE NOT-SO-LONG ARM OF THE LAWLESS
An El Paso man was arrested after allegedly pulling a fake pistol on a waitress ... using a fake arm. Police said that after a bar refused to serve more drinks to Dale Smith, he threatened a waitress with a realistic-looking air pellet gun - but his prosthetic arm fell to the floor with the gun still attached. Police said the suspect was apprehended running from the bar holding his arm in the other hand.

RUBBERNECKERS
The body of a dead women lay on a busy Rosebank, South Africa sidewalk for more than six hours before before an official vehicle arrived to remove it. A newspaper claimed hundreds of pedestrians and vehicles - including two police cruisers - slowed down to gawk at the body, but no one bothered to call in a coroner.

HOW DRY YOU AM
The grant coordinator for a county anti-drunk-driving board was charged with driving while intoxicated. Las Cruces, New Mexico Police said Linda Harris was arrested driving erratically on the fairgrounds of an annual DWI awareness event she helped coordinate.

DOUBLECROSSING DAD
A burglary suspect in Van Buren, Arkansas allegedly called his father and told him where some stolen money was hidden - hoping his dad would use it to bail him out of jail. His father turned the booty over to police.

LOOK! IT'S ICHABOD!
A group of elementary school children ran screaming from a sandbox in Ahlen, Germany after they found the headless corpse of a man beneath the sand. Police were unable to find the head.

BANG-UP BOUQUET
The eastbound lanes of a freeway near Gallup, New Mexico were closed for three hours - but the situation didn't stink. A big rig loaded with perfume and cosmetics overturned on a rain-soaked I-40. Police reported that the driver of the sweet-smelling wreck was named Darrel Flowers.

THE SMELL OF MONEY
A bull terrier in Sweden swallowed its owner's paper money - two 500-krona bills. Gunilla Gonon-Sabelstrom says the bills cleared the dog's digestive system during two walks the next day. She said the bills were yellowed and smelly, but with some ironing, they'd be spendable.

UH, LET'S ALTER THOSE STATS SLIGHTLY...
A 27-year-old burglar picked the wrong day to break into a Boksburg, South Africa library. Police Superintendant Christo Heunis was lecturing local business persons on crime statistics when an intrusion alarm went off. Heunis and the security staff caught the suspect loading up on computer disks.

I FEEL A DRINK COMING ON
Michele and Maria Ariette spent eight days trapped in a small elevator in Turin, Italy. When the small amount of food they had wih them ran out, they drank their own urine. They were rescued after their son returned home from a vacation and reported them missing.

MOPPING UP CRIME
Upset that a man had walked on her wet floor, a janitor in Bucharest whacked a man with a wet, soapy mop. The man was an armed robber and fired a shot at Florica Dumitru, but missed her because he had soap in his eyes. Dumitru beat him senseless and called police.

PANTY RAID
Over 400 pieces of women's underwear were seized at the apartment of a Finance Ministry official in Tokyo, and police charged him with a series of break-ins. Sadao Ushimura told police he had picked up his lingerie collection on the streets by pure chance. One of the pieces had the name of a 3-year-old neighborhood girl sewn into it.

FLUNKIE
A teenage girl - who was just about to successfully complete a driving test - plowed into six cars while returning to the testing center in a suburb of Toronto. A pedestrian and the girl were hospitalized for leg injuries ... and the driving instructor was treated for shock.

I'D GIVE MY RIGHT ARM ...
A farmer from New Market, Minnesota got his arm trapped in a hay baler and felt himself being pulled into the machine. Using a sharp-cornered piece of metal from his headset, he sawed off his arm to free himself. The arm was too mangled to be reattached. Jarrod Wagner said the choice was simple - lose his arm or his whole body.

THE MAD MARKER
Police in Cincinnati reported that a man had been spraying bodily fluids on women's buttocks and running away. Lab tests showed some of the fluids were semen and urine.

HUG HIM & SQUEEZE HIM 'TIL HE DON'T MOVE NO MORE
Adun the Elephant - seen in movies and commercials - overplayed the affection role with his trainer. Adun broke a rib and injured a lung when he wrapped his trunk around Rahim Abba and lifted him off the ground.

TAKE A LETTER, DETECTIVE
Police in Watertown, New York arrested two men in connection with a burglary at a church. One of the stolen items was a Dictaphone. Officials say the suspects unwittingly began recording with the device and described their crime in full detail on the tape.

POP-SICLE
A man in Yokohama, Japan told authorities he kept his father's dead body on ice for 13 years, hoping the corpse could someday be brought back to life. The body began to rot when the man failed to pay his refrigeration bill - and neighbors reported the odor..

ROBBING PETER TO PAY PAUL
Officials in Obion County, Tennessee said a woman ordered by a court to pay off bad checks promptly robbed a bank. Police allege that Paige Morphis returned to the courthouse, payed off the bad checks and pocketed the remaining 7 grand from the heist.

WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON
A husband and wife in Beijing were each secretly flirting with another person over the internet. Each had made plans to meet their secret chat mates. Security guards were called in to break up the fight when the couple found out they'd been chatting with each other.

MAY WE HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?
Police arrested a security guard at a Panama City Beach, Florida hotel for engaging in sex with three underaged girls. They recognized the suspect - and his uniform - from a porn film in which he appeared with the trio.

ALL THAT LICKING WORKED UP AN APPETITE
Police in Brussels were shocked to find that a woman who'd died in her home had part of her face eaten off by her pet poodle. The 78-year-old woman had stopped answering the door for visiting nurses.

SURPRISE ON BOARD
Two Albuquerque men allegedly picked the wrong beat-up van to jack. It was being used for surveillance of a suspected crack house. The officers staked out in the van arrested the suspects.

PREPARATION OUCH
A 69-year-old London man had to have a tootbrush surgically removed from his anus. He told doctors he'd been using it to scratch his hemorrhoids.

HAPPY ENDING
Avtar Singh Kooner of Scarborough, Ontario was having a bad day. He woke up to find his car had been stolen, and spent the morning filling out a police report. But his luck took a good turn in the afternoon. He found out won over 169 grand in the lottery.

WAKE UP, CHARLES
Police in St. Charles, Missouri found 72-year-old Betty Pyatt living with the corpse of her husband, Charles. The body was in an advanced state of decomposition. Neighbors had complained that the house was covered with cockroaches.

STAND BY ME 2001
Three teenagers told police in Schmatzfeld, Germany they had spotted the body of a dead woman floating in the local river. Divers discovered it was a blow-up sex doll.

CHEEK CHECK
Authorities in Mexico say a man accused of being a top hit man for a drug cartel had a new face, hair and body contour, thanks to plastic surgery. But Humberto "The Frog" Banuelos was identified by a distinctive bullet wound in his right buttock.

GOLD HOLD
A police radiologist in Sate, France found 60 pieces of jewelry hidden in a 16-year-old Yugoslavian girl's vagina. Authorities initially found 200 grams of gold in her panties after she and her brother were charged with stealing jewelry.

IT'S ME
Police say a bank robber in Colbert County, Alabama was filling out a money order form when he pulled a gun on the teller. In his hasty escape, the suspect left behind his registered gun, car keys and wallet containing a picture ID.

FETCH THIS
70-year-old Horst Bachmann of a Berlin suburb threw a stick for his dog to fetch - but Hajo returned with a live World War II grenade. He pried the device from the dog's jaws, hid it in some bushes and called the bomb squad.

NOW WITH AMMONIA P
Police in Genoa, Italy arrested a man who was allegedly cleaning car windshields with a mixture of liquid soap ... and his own urine.

TOY COP
A security guard in Rouen, France, thought he'd promote himself to police officer. He stuck a flashing light on the roof of his car and pulled over a vehicle that had jumped a red light. The occupants of the car - real detectives - arrested him for impersonating the police.

WHAT FIREWORKS?
A Seattle teenager tried to hide his fireworks from an approaching patrol car - after lighting the fuse. A cherry bomb went off in his pants. Officers transported the groin-injury victim to the hospital.

WHAT FIREWORKS? II
When Kansas City Police were called about noisy residential fireworks, someone in the group hid the fireworks in an oven. Several hours later, the homeowner turned on the oven to preheat some frozen lasagna and BOOM! The kitchen was destroyed as the stove flew through the opposite wall.

WHAT A CROC
Police along the Rhine River in Germany called off a hunt for a crocodile after they found what people had reported seeing - an intricately carved wooden likeness of a croc floating on the water.

I'SH A BIRD ... I'SH A PLANE .. I'SH SHTUPIDMAN!
An intoxicated man in Vancouver, B.C. dared friends that he could hang from a 15th floor balcony. He couldn't. He died.

JOCKEY STOCK
The Muar Health Office in Malaysia arrested a street vendor for boiling food and dirty underwear in the same pot. The Office said some vendors believe soiled undies mixed with their food attracts customers.

EVIDENCE - THE REALITY SHOW
Five teenagers who were busted for breaking car windows in Vaxjo, Sweden had a video camera confiscated by the police. After searching further for the tape, police found footage of the gang committing nine different acts of serious vandalism.

WRONG RIDE
A Florida teenager accused of snatching a purse from a nun hitched a ride from the wrong person. A retired New York state trooper stopped to pick him up - and turned him over to police he'd seen at the crime scene.

AMONG MY SOUVENIRS ...
Thulani Nkambule died while serving a car-theft sentence in a Pretoria, South Africa prison. But relatives in Swaziland were shocked when his body arrived - and his genitals had been removed. The prison death certificate didn't indicate any missing parts.

THREE STRIKES
Police say a Jackson, Mississippi robbery suspect went oh-for-three on his crime wave. At one of two banks he allegedly robbed, he was recognized by a former schoolmate. At the other, he filled out a credit application bearing his name and address. Police said that during a restaurant robbery, one of Freddie Mason's acquaintances was a witness.

DON'T SPEAK ILL OF THE DEAD - IN FRONT OF THEM
North Carolina expanded a law banning swearing in front of corpses. The law prohibiting profanity or obscene language in the presence of a dead human body was originally confined to funeral homes.

RETURN TO SENDER?
A shipping crate containing 9 million dollars worth of marijuana was found on the steps of a house in Seneca, South Carolina by its residents, who called police. DEA officials said a pot distributor probably delivered the huge stash to the wrong house my mistake.

ROOMMATE RECIPE
Police in Belev, Russia charged a man with killing his roommate and eating the victim's rotting flesh for a week after the murder. Authorities had been summoned because of the foul odor eminating from the apartment.

DRINKING UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF HER BOSSES
A Texas court ruled that a topless dancer could sue her former employer because she was busted for driving drunk. Sarah Salazar said the San Antonio strip club encouraged employees to drink with customers to promote the sale of more beverages at inflated prices.

PUPAE ON PARADE
Fire officials were called in to remove a literal sea of maggots from a street in Kapellan, Belgium. The maggots spread across the entire street in a procession about 20 feet long. Officials say they'd come from a farmer's truck left in the sun.

AND ME WITHOUT A SPOON
Hundreds of motorists in New Zealand held their noses for six hours as crews cleaned up the cargo spilled on the roadway by a slaughterhouse truck. Fire officials reported that tons of blood and guts obstructed the road.

WHY PAY?
Police in Aachen, Germany were called in to break up a domestic fight in the city's legal prostitution district - a married man visiting a brothel was shocked to discover that his own wife was secretly working as a prostitute.

OUT OF ONE COOLER AND INTO ANOTHER
An Everett, Washington judge didn't buy a man's burglary defense and sentenced him to a year in jail. Steven Childress claimed he broke into a store because he needed beer to prevent a heart attack.

NO ODOR-EATERS REQUIRED
A man with a foot fetish got away with attacking at least two women in downtown Pittsburgh. Police said his M.O. would be to drop to a ground, sniff a woman's shoe and lick her foot.

FREE MONEY
Authorities in Istanbul said the guard at a state-owned bank robbed its cashiers and gave away the cash to people in the street. The guard was distressed because the branch was closing down and he was losing his job.

SELF-INCARCERATION
An allegedly drunk driver was arrested after following an inmate transport bus into the Santa Clara County, California prison grounds. The driver told guards he needed desparately to go to the bathroom and he thought he was following a Greyhound Bus to a depot.

KITTY FOOD
A 4-year-old boy in Comanesti, Romania strangled the family cat, pulled raw meat from its bones and ate it. The boy had his stomach pumped and was given rabies shots.

NO COOKIE, NO PHOTO
A 22-year-old man was charged with kicking the Cookie Monster in the head and back at a Sesame Place theme park in Langhorne, Pennsylvania. Police claimed Lee McPhatter was upset that the character wouldn't pose for a picture with his daughter. A woman was inside the costume.

POOP DU JOUR
A sidewalk cafe in Hove, England filed a complaint after a police horse took a giant poop next to its al fresco dining tables. The cafe cleared out while 2 buckets full of poop were scooped up.

DEAD HEAD
Police in Japan arrested a man for sending harrassing e-mail to co-workers. 30-year-old real estate agent Hirosha Ida was charged with sending over a thousand autopsy shots and photos of decomposed corpses.

LOOKING FOR WEIGHT-LOSS DRUGS, PERHAPS?
A newspaper delivery man heard cries coming from a vent at a phamaracy in Popano Beach, Florida. Rescue workers found feet sticking out of an air conditioning vent on the roof. Broward County deputies said the man admitted that he was attempting to steal drugs.

WOUNDED AND HUNGRY
The bouncer at Club Epiphany in Toronto was shot five times when he intercepted three men breaking through a security door. While being transported to the hospital, the victim asked the ambulance driver to stop for some food. The bouncer's nickname was Phatz.

LOSER
A Ft. Pierce, Florida convenience store owner was charged with stealing over 50 thousand dollars worth of lottery tickets from his own store. Detectives said that despite the theft - the suspect never won a single jackpot.

STRAP ON YOUR BARF BAG FOR THIS ONE ...
27-year-old Marian Bala of Romania was remanded to a mental institution after attempting to have sex with a corpse. Police say he dug up the body of a woman who had died 10 months prior - and threw the corpse into a river after he was unable to penetrate it.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT FATTENING
Since 1995, Floridians had been praising the taste of a 12-ounce vanilla diet ice cream called Big Daddy. Its label claimed the treat had only 100 calories and 2 grams of fat. But a test conducted for the South Florida Sun-Sentinal showed Big Daddy contained 300 calories and a whopping 7 grams of fat. The president of DeConna Ice Cream said the cartons had been mislabeled all along - the calorie and fat figures were based on a 4-ounce serving - not a 12-ounce carton.

STAPLES. YEAH, HE ATE THAT
A man in Tibebe, Ethipoia had 222 nails, keys, coins and other objects removed from his stomach after x-rays showed his abdomen was crammed with metal items. Officials said Gezahenge Debebe had eaten the metal during his 20-year stay in a mental hospital.

THAT'LL DO IT
A court in Rome ruled that a woman was not entitled to child support because she failed to fulfill her marital duties. The woman refused to have sex with her husband after they conceived their first child.

MOOD LIGHTING FOR MEGADETH
A human skull found in a teenager's bedroom in Rutland, Vermont turned out to be stolen from a tomb. The kid's mother told police her son was using it for a candlestick.

A BREAK FROM THE EARLY BIRD SPECIALS
Funeral directors in Timaru, New Zealand say an elderly couple has been showing up at wakes and funerals for 20 years - for free food. They say the couple - apparently in their 80s - scan the papers for funeral notices and do nothing conspicuous while chowing down on the catered food at wakes and memorial services.

BANK VS. BANK
A bank in Wichita, Kansas sued another - to recover allegedly stolen money. Authorities say a man who stole over 7 grand from Garden Plain State Bank deposited it in Sunflower Bank, which refused to give it up, citing a federal act requiring the funds to be available to the robber.

OCCIFER, GERE'S MY WHIRL?
A Kissimmee, Florida woman called police because she couldn't find her daughter. After an extensive search using K-9s, a helicopter and over a dozen officers, the girl was found - at a babysitter's house. Police said Donna Gillum admitted to drinking nine beers in the three hours before she called police. She was charged with child neglect.

CROOKS GIVEN AN EDUCATION
Five crooks who held up an Athens, Greece post office thought they were making off with two bags of loot. The money was locked up, so the bandits hauled off a couple hundred pounds of exam papers belonging to a local school.

THE RUSSIANS ARE LEAVING! THE RUSSIANS ARE LEAVING!
A police officer in Vik, Norway boarded a speedboat and caught up with a Russian cargo ship to recover stolen property. Armed with a search warrant, the officer retrieved a three-year-old's toy tractor - which had been stolen by a Russian naval officer.

A THUG'S DRUGS
A woman in Sciota, Pennsylvania told police her husband had beaten her and she'd decided to pay him back. She gave police a tour of his alleged home drug business - which included 81 pot plants, a chest of dried pot and cocaine paraphrenalia.

A BALL OF BRIEFS
Workers found what caused pumps at a treatment plant to become clogged and cause a raw sewage spill in Oswego, New York - a wad of underwear the size of a basketball. A city maintenance supervisor suspects the wad was flushed by inmates at the county jail.

SURPRISE TENANTS
A Bloomfield Hills, Michigan couple who had just moved into their 600-thousand-dollar home noticed a strong foul odor. They found a half-ton of racoon poop in the attic - which filled 125 garbage bags.

ISN'T THERE A TINY TAPE IN THERE?
An alleged warehouse thief in Salem, Oregon was undone by his lack of technical knowledge. Police said that after robbing the business, he stood on a chair and dismounted and stole the security camera - not knowing the video tape recorder was located elsewhere. Police identified the suspect from the tape.

TREATS
Firefighters in Lynnwood, Washington forgot to shut the door to the station when they went out on a medical emergency. Upon their return, their lunches had been eaten. A neighborhood dog was spotted prancing out of the station.

A SHORT DOCUMENTARY
Two men in Denmark set up a camera to tape women in a tanning salon. Their scheme failed when the first victim heard the device whirring in a bag and called police. Nakskov detectives said it was no problem identifying the voyeurs - their faces appeared on the beginning of the tape.

CRANIAL CACHE
Police in Siliguri, India were summoned to a bus station because a bag which had been left there was emitting a foul odor. The bag contained 86 neatly-sawed-off human skulls, some containing rotting brain tissue.

SCARE OF THE DOG
A house burglar in Ettenleur, The Netherlands, couldn't wait to use the bathroom. His toilet-flushing noise woke up the family dog who chased after him snarling. The thief ran off empty-handed.

SCARE OF THE DOG II
A University Of Central Oklahoma police officer flushed a trespasser out of the woods by threatening to send a police K-9 in after him. The suspect gave himself up when he heard growling and barking. There was no police dog - Officer Bryan Weathers impersonated one.

JUST THE FAX
Three convicted killers were freed from a Corsica prison after the warden received a counterfeit fax ordering their release. The fax looked like it had been signed and sent by a judge.

FRANK & BEANS
A man who exposed himself to a woman and her child in Vienna was easily taken into custody by police. He caught his genitals in his zipper and was found doubled over in pain just yards from the scene of the crime.

A BREAK IN THE CASE
Scotland Yard promised to investigate a complaint against a detective who was part of a drug raid. The family residing in the raided home reported that the detective farted and failed to apologize. The Yard said it would not take "the wind breaking incident" lightly.

BUT HE AVOIDED THE LATE FEES
Police in Williamson, West Virginia reported that they arrested a man who allegedly robbed a bank in nearby Kentucky - as he returned the getaway vehicle to Enterprise Rent-A-Car.

NAP TIME
A burglar who broke into an Amman, Jordan hospital pharmacy took some pills to calm his anxiety. Nurses found him sleeping near the pilfered drug cabinets and called police.

POULTRY PERVERT
Valparaiso, Indiana police say they arrested a man after he admitted to having sex with a chicken. A motel manager called police when they found blood and feathers all over the suspect's room.

©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.