Law and Disorder®
Strange Stories From Real Police And Court Files

©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.



NO, OFFICER, IT'S FUR GEL
Joey Allen Long of Paris, Texas was arrested and charged with stealing from the McKeller Ranch in nearby Mount Pleasant. Police claimed Long loaded up his van with 46 hundred bucks worth of bull sperm.

ALL ALONG THE WATCHTOWER
The Times of London reported that a woman was fed up with Jehovah's Witnesses knocking at her door - and paid back the sect by interupting a service at the local Kingdom Hall. 35-year-old Jane White knocked loudly on the church door and offered the congregation free magazines.

FEEDING TIME
42-year-old Ron Huff of Dover, Delaware was nicknamed Lizard Boy because of the seven exotic reptiles that shared his one-room apartment. When Huff didn't show for work, police found him dead at home, with lizards snacking on his body.

PASSING THE SMACK TEST
Yale University Police charged a 22-year New Haven man with heroin possession - after the suspect went to their headquarters and asked them to test a white powder he'd bought on the street.

FLUNKING THE SMACK TEST
Toronto arrested a suspect who'd been embracing and kissing people - both men and women - against their will. The so-called Crazy Kisser kissed at least nine victims on the lips. Sexual assault charges were filed against the 56-year-old suspect.

CANNOT COMPLETE TRANSACTION
A thief in Wiggins, Colorado drove a car through the doors of a bank to rob an ATM machine. Unfortunately, the machine was brand new and hadn't been plugged in yet - and it contained no cash.

COFFEE SOCIAL
Three people in Syracuse, New York were offered counseling after a co-worker allegedly ejaculated into their coffees. The suspect was charged with harrassment, lewdness and criminal nuisance and was suspended from his job - as a public social worker.

GO TO YOUR ROOM
Police in Rome charged a 27-year-old man with illegally locking his elderly parents in their bedroom. The suspect said he wanted to spend some time alone with his girlfriend.

IN-FLIGHT FLAPJAW
A 37-year-old man called a radio talk show from a jetliner - disclosing that he'd inadvertently gotten on a Greensboro-to-Columbus flight with a three-inch knife in his belt. After listeners tipped police, Robert Hedrick was arrested when the jet arrived in Columbus.

GULLIVER'S TRAVELS
Over time, a Northport, Michigan family gave up the search for their orange tabby, Gulliver, who had disappeared while being cat-sat by a relative. But after six years, Gulliver reappeared alive and well in a neighbor's driveway. Sheri Sutherland said Gulliver wasn't talking about his travels.

VERY INCUMBENT
The town of Hardeeville, South Carolina doubled its mayor's term - by forgetting to hold an election. No one seemed to notice that mayor Rodney Cannon served four years - when the town charter calls for a two-year term.

YOUR PARENTAL FILTER IS "OFF"
Two girls aged 11 and 12 were arrested in Marlboro, Massachusetts after scanning and posting nude pictures of themselves on the internet. Police said they considered charging the pre-teens with distributing child pornography.

SNIFF, SNIFF
A demonstration by police at Ilfracombe College in North Devon, England included Bonnie the Drug-Sniffing Dog - who singled out four students who had recently handled marijuana.

STILL WAITING FOR HEALTH INSURANCE CONFIRMATION?
An electrician found a body of a nude woman who had been dead for nine months in a seldom-used room at San Fernando General Hospital in Trinidad. Officials said the woman's clothing had probably been eaten by maggots.

LEFT SIDE, RIGHT?
A surgeon at Rhode Island Hospital in Providence admitted that he operated on the wrong side of a man's brain. The x-ray was placed backwards in the viewer.

EHHHH ... WHAT'S UP THERE, DOC?
A man from Dubrovnik, Croatia was denied a medical claim after reporting to an ER to have a carrot removed from his butt. The patient claimed the carrot broke off while he and his girlfriend were playing a sex game.

DON'T BE KNOCKIN' IF THE BOX IS ROCKIN'
Teachers and students panicked at a high school in Tangerang, Indonesia when a box with a wire sticking out of it was found outside one of entrances. Police discovered the package contained an inflatable, mechanical sex doll.

NO DUMPING ZONE
Police in White Bear, Minnesota were left scratching their heads by a person who had been defecating under the town's water tower. Motion detectors and floodlights didn't deter the nightly ritual by a suspect police dubbed "The Midnight Pooper."

WE FIND THE DEFENDANT BULLSEYE
A mistrial was declared in a rape trial in London after it was discovered most of the jury wasn't deliberating on the evidence. The foreman admitted that some jury members were watching the world dart championships on TV. The mistrial cost taxpayers almost 50 thousand dollars.

NO, IT'S NOT A COP CONVENTION
The chef at a hotel restaurant in Lexington, Kentucky ordered 60 donuts from a local baker - only to have five thousand show up during the next morning's delivery. The bakery and hotel agreed to split the bill for the miscommunicated order - and gave 4,940 donuts to charity.

HOT CASH
Police in Tasmania reported that a gang of thieves attempted to remove an ATM from a shopping center - but fled the scene when their welding equipment set fire to the money inside.

NOTICE OF BUN IN THE OVEN
An automated system which sends letters out from hospitals informed six elderly London men that they were pregnant. Officials said the mistake was human - a bad keystroke.

THERE GOES THE GROOM
A prisoner on furlough in Sweden didn't return to jail in time. Police found him at his own wedding. As the ceremony ended, officers whisked him back to jail - without a honeymoon.

JEWEL JAM
A confessed thief in Mount Clemens, Michigan asked a judge to order surgery to remove evidence from his body - but the judge refused. The defendant swallowed a diamond ring and was unable to pass it.

ATTENTION-GETTER
A taxi driver in Sao Paulo, Brazil swerved his cab into a police car while he was being robbed at gunpoint. One of the two thieves tried to shoot him the head, but the gun jammed. Police arrested the duo.

DON'T EAT THE YELLOW ICE
A 19-year-old from Mount Juliet, Tennessee faced charges of vandalism after urinating into an ice machine at an Exxon Tiger Market. The store had to throw out a hundred bags of ice.

BANKING HOURS
Two rifle-toting men wearing ski masks were spotted waiting for a Bank One branch in Elkhart, Indiana to open. The potential robbers fled after realizing the branch accepted drive-through transactions only - and the entrance was never left unlocked.

LIVE UNCOVERAGE
A couple who had an overnight sex romp in the woods outside a holiday hotel in Cumbia, England had no idea they were on camera. A night-vision camera set up to monitor badgers beamed their naked exploits into every room of the Oasis Village Hotel.

WHAM! BAM! THANK YOU, MA'AM
Police and an army bomb squad in Woodville, North Island, New Zealand evacuated nearby residents as they detonated a suspicious package left outside a dairy. The box was filled with used tampons.

AS TIME GOES BY
A 16-thousand-dollar watch stolen from a woman in London was recovered four years later in a Scotland Yard theft ring raid. While it was stolen property, Clare McCarthy's watch had been inlayed with dozens of diamonds - tripling its value.

CRAPPY LUCK
A package stolen from the passenger seat of a car in Norwich, England contained nothing more than an imitation dog pile. Bobbies identified a suspect when the owner identified the plastic poop.

HOOVERS HURT
A 63-year-old man in Lugo di Ravenna, Italy told doctors he cut off part of his penis while shaving his pubic hair. Police, however, found a bloody vaccum cleaner at the man's apartment - and a porn tape in the VCR.

LOAD OF THE RING
"It's the inner qualities that count." So says Sven Froeytland of Oslo, Norway, who missed his girlfriend's proposal - by swallowing the 24-karat engagement ring she'd hidden in his oatmeal. He said yes - as he and his girlfriend began a vigil for nature to return the ring.

HEAR NO EVIL
A ham radio operator in Giessen, Germany overheard police calling for help because their cruiser was stuck in the mud - so he went to the officers' aid and helped tow them out. The Good Samaritan was promptly charged with illegally monitoring police radio.

NO-SHOW POLITICO
A candidate who won an election in Santiago, Chile wasn't in any condition to be sworn in. Police say Raul Veloso died while having sex two weeks before the election.

STUCK IN TRAFFIC
When a truck full of industrial-strength glue crashed on a highway near Milan, Italy, the car behind it was glued to the road. The driver stepped out to see what was going on - and was cemented to the pavement, too. Luckily, he was able to call for rescuers on his cell phone.

THANKS FOR THE ASSAULT
Neagu Basliu's life was saved by a jealous co-worker - who stabbed him in the chest. Police in Galati, Romania said Basliu was rushed to a hospital for surgery, where doctors discovered he had an accumulation of pus around his heart, which would have killed him.

POOP SOUP
A maid in Beserah, Malaysia was charged with endangerment after a spy camera revealed she was using water from a toilet and her dirty underpants to make soup. The suspect believed the soup would make her employer like her.

FANCY MEETING YOU HERE
A robbery and assault suspect in Oldham, England was nabbed by police when his victims spotted him waiting for treatment in the same hospital emergency room. The victims - a mother and son - had been injured during the hold-up of their shop and had been escorted to the hospital by police.

ARRESTING A RESTER
When a Minden, Louisiana woman found a burglar sleeping in a bed in her home, she told him to leave. He pulled a knife - but she calmed him down and he went back to sleep. He was still snoozing when police arrived to arrest him.

NAILING TRESPASSERS
A woman complained to police in Rio Rancho, New Mexico that she received four flat tires after turning around in a private circular driveway that had been covered with nails. Police told Tammi Hatten that the homeowners broke no laws by using the nails to discourage people from using their driveway as a turnaround.

JUDGE NOT
Judge Oliver Spurlock became the first judge in Illinois history to be removed from the bench for sexual misconduct. A judicial panel determined that the Cook County Circuit Court judge kissed, hugged and sexually harrassed female lawyers. A court reporter told the panel she and Judge Spurlock had sex in his chambers.

A LIFESAVER VERSUS A COUGH DROP
A third-grader at Sunny Hills Elementary School in Issaquah, Washington saved his teacher's life by using the Heimlich Maneuver when she was choking on a cough drop. 8-year-old Austin Rosedale told officials that if the Heimlich hadn't worked, he was ready to perform an emergency tracheotomy.

ACCIDENTAL CHAIN SAW MASSACRE
An insurance scam went terribly wrong in a town north of Rome, Italy, when a man persuaded his cousin to cut his leg with a chainsaw and make it look like a crime. 23-year-old Andreas Plack bled to death before the ambulance arrived.

DADDY DID IT
A 15-month-old toddler accidentally dialed 911 in Jacksonville, Florida. The responding officers discovered the boy's father was wanted on an outstanding warrant for drug possession and resisting arrest.

PURPLE HEART - DELUXE EDITION
A 70-year-old Korean War veteran had been told by a MASH unit in 1953 that a bullet had missed his heart by an inch. But doctors performing bypass surgery nearly a half-century later at a Philadelphia hospital made a startling discovery - the .27-caliber slug had passed directly through his heart.

BURGLARS WITH STIFF UPPER LIPS
A 63-year-old woman in West Chazy, New York armed herself with a can of hair spray as burglars broke down her door. She sprayed them directly in their faces - and they fled. Police later arrested four teenagers and Juliette Jolicoeur upgraded from hair spray to pepper spray.

HE'S GOT A BAG WITH A BIG DOLLAR SIGN ON IT
Syracuse cabbie Rodney Doolittle got a call from a fellow taxi triver warning him that his fare was a bank robbery suspect. Doolittle called 911 and left the phone on while he had his passenger repeat his destination. Police arrested Johnathan Brown at the end of his cab ride.

THE NUN'S THE ONE
Police have received a confession from the person who spray-painted racist graffiti in the emergency room of a Joliet, Illinois hospital. A 66-year-old nun who was the hospital chaplain told police she did it because she wanted to see how the hospital would react. The hospital reacted by firing her.

SELF-PUNISHMENT
Two Mart, Texas men became the first to use a new state jail when they accidently locked themselves in one of the cells. The facility was still under constrction, and local police didn't have the key. They were freed by a locksmith six hours later. Police said they wouldn't press trespassing charges due to the duo's time served.

CAN WE TALK?
A drug farmer left 11-thousand-dollars cash and a note asking authorities to ignore his marijuana plants at a large field in southern Mexico. Troops rejected the bribe, destroyed the pot plantation, and arrested the grower, who'd left his phone number on the bribery note.

INSTANT "WANTED" POSTERS
Two teenagers who broke into and vandalized an office building in Wales were fairly easy to find. Police say the punks had made perfect copies of their faces on a Xerox machine, then left them in the trash.

WE'RE OUTTA HERE ... WELL, MAYBE NOT
These crooks should have invested in a road map. Barnstable, Massachusetts officers were approached by two very nervous men, asking for directions to get out of town. An officer ran their license plate, discovering the car they were driving had just been stolen.

ANYBODY SEEN THE POLICE STATION LATELY?
Fort Lauderdale's bicycle police patrol was awarded a national citation for curbing crime by 23 per cent, and some crooks weren't happy about it. Authorities say thieves broke into the bike patrol's headquarters and stole all six bikes, the police computer, the base's radio equipment, flashlights and pepper spray. Police say all the crooks left behind were the blue-and-yellow T-shirts and helmets the bike cops wore on patrol.

AN EYE FOR AN EYE
A Springfield, Illinois man told police one of his neighbors had stolen his glass eye. He said the neighbor replaced his eye - which was in his pants pocket while he slept - with another glass eye. Police questioned both of the glass-eyed men, but were unable to make an arrest because ... well ... there were no eye-witnesses.

AN ELECTRIFYING ROBBERY
Two guys who robbed a Manhattan bookstore and bagel shop should have used a less-conspicuous getaway vehicle. They escaped in a Consolidated Edison truck bearing a large ID number. Detectives traced the suspects through one of their employers ... Con Edison.

CAN'T GET ENOUGH
Police in Windsor, California said an SUV thief used the owner's registration to locate his house. When the victim returned home and found his stolen SUV parked in the driveway, he called for police. They charged Joseph McDonald with car theft and burglary.

DOUBLE TROUBLE
Port Authority Police chased an assault, drug possession and drunk-driving suspect into Garfield, New Jersey, where he crashed his vehicle into two cars. Authorities said the suspect took off on foot and unwittingly ran into a police station parking lot - where he collapsed due to an asthma attack.

STICKING TO THE SHOPPING LIST
St. Croix, Wisconsin Police said a man who was collared for shoplifting at a Wal-Mart store was determined to keep his haul. The suspect was charged with breaking into the police station and burgling the very items he stole from the store - ignoring many more valuable objects in the property room.

HOT ON THE TRAIL
Police easily located four thugs who robbed a restaurant deliveryman in West Midlands, England. Officers found a trail of hot sauce leading to the suspects' apartment.

PARTS & SERVICE
Undercover police in Kwa-Zulu-Natal, South Africa, arrested two mortuary workers who allegedly sold them some black market goods - a pair of human testicles and a man's tongue.

DOING UNTO OTHERS
As an attorney was telling a news reporter that his client - a regional church leader - was innocent of indecent exposure, a video of an alleged earlier incident was being processed by police. The video - recorded by neighbors - led to additional charges against Reverend Ronald Eslinger, the southern Illinois leader of the United Church of Christ.

LESSON PREPARATION
A pair of substitute teachers resigned in Wethersfield, Connecticut after a student caught them having sex in the back of a classroom. The room's windows had been covered with sheets of yellow paper - but not completely enough to prevent the student from peeking inside.

SALAMI HIDER
A man admitted to police in Boulder that he stole an art exhibit benefitting a battered women's shelter and left a U.S. flag in its place. The display featured 21 ceramic penises dangling from a clothes line. The suspect said he stole the artwork because it was anti-male and pornographic.

PARADE TIME!
A truck driver in Nakornsritamarat, Thailand died after his friends tried to inflate his body as a joke. The victim was sleeping face down in his bedroom when his friends pushed a hose up his rectum and turned on an air compressor, causing fatal internal injuries.

EASY ACCESS
Officials in Aberdeen, Scotland installed alarms in the Central Library's rest rooms - the devices go off if two or more people occupy a stall at the same time. The restrooms were being used for sex acts.

DOG CAPTURES COPS
A 100-pound rottweiler kept two Beaverton, Oregon police officers trapped in their patrol car until Animal Control officers arrived a half-hour later. The dog caused numerous dents by headbutting the car and chewed on three tires until they were flattened. The rottweiler's name, by the way, was Felony.

FEED ME
Tennessee authorities charged six officials of Feed The Children with pilfering items donated to the charity. One of the boxes of allegedly stolen goods retrieved by police was marked "Merry Christmas to me."

ITCHING TO RUN
When Jacksonville, Alabama police knocked on the door of a man they wanted to question, he made a run for it. He was in such a hurry to escape, he didn't bother to put on any clothes. The officers decided to give up chasing the completely naked man when he ran into a field of poison ivy.

WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS...
Even kids aren't safe from bureaucratic red tape. Six youngsters asked for permission to set up a lemonade stand in Gila National Park in New Mexico so they could raise funds for refugees. They received a four-page food service application asking for documentation of their food-handling practices, and instructing them to give the feds three per cent of their revenue.

LITTLE LIFESAVER #1
Dallas police officer Scott Transou really means it when he calls his badge a shield. He was shot in the chest by a murder and robbery suspect, but the bullet deflected off his badge and didn't leave as much as a bruise. While Officer Transou was being examined in an ambulance, he spotted the perp, chased him down, and arrested him.

LITTLE LIFESAVER #2
Sharon Cousins of San Marcos, California has been awarded a plaque for saving the life of her mother. When her mom suffered a severe seizure, the three-year-old girl calmly called 911 and gave authorities the exact information they needed to rescue her mom in time.

LET ME GET THAT ONE FOR YOU
A passerby used his car to knock over a crook that police were persuing in Frederick, Maryland, he but managed to get into more trouble than the suspect. The would-be Samaritan was charged with vehicular assault and driving with a suspened license.

MOBILE HOME
A fugitive couple was caught trying to flee the United Arab Emirates in an air cargo box marked "fragile." Officials said the crate was stocked with water, food, a flashlight and playing cards.

DROWNING IN A CRIME WAVE
Police nabbed two crooks who were hiding under water in a flooded basement. They were collared when they came up for air. The duo were in the process of stealing copper plumbing, but had forgotten to turn off the water.

HAVING A BLAST
Two New Hampshire brothers stole blasting caps & dynamite from a construction site. When they attempted to blow up some railroad tracks, the stick of powder shot out from the rail like a missile and blew out the window of their pickup truck. Police picked them while they were walking home.

ICY DRINKS GIVE YOU A HEADACHE
A 7-11 Store in suburban Seattle was robbed by a man who'd ordered a Slurpee first. During his getaway, the crook attempted to juggle his 80-dollar booty, his gun, and the Slurpee, spilling the drink and sliding into a metal door jam head first. Police picked up the unconscious perp.

STINKIN' BADGES
A New York motorist was angry he'd been cut off on the Long Island Expressway. Using a fake police badge, he pulled over the offender. That's when he found out the guy he pulled over was ... an NYPD detective! He was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

PAIN IN THE NECK
All it took was an X-Ray for police in suburban Hartford, Connecticut to nab their suspect. A burglar had fallen on a large cactus plant in an Ellington home, leaving some needles missing & a trail of blood. A check of the local ER turned up a suspect with an exotic cactus needle embedded in his neck.

DISABLED VET STILL HAS THE RIGHT STUFF
A Navy veteran in Medford, Oregon wasn't about to let a punk make off with a hundred bucks belonging to the Disabled American Veterans. Police said 75-year-old Richard Powers beat the suspect senseless with his cane outside a supermarket where Powers was collecting donations for the DAV. The alleged perp was reportedly dazed when police caught up with him an hour later.

BOY'S NOISE
A man in Dar-es-Salaam, Tanzania filed for divorce from his wife because she wouldn't make love to him in their living room. Musa Nyamonde said he and his wife were forced to move from their bedroom to the living room because his stepson was making too much noise having sex with his various girlfriends in the adjacent bedroom.

BLABBERMOUTH
A Leuven, Belgium man who was picked up for questioning in a rape case thought the police wanted him for a series a burglaries - and promptly confessed to them. He was never charged in the rape case, but was sentenced to 2½ years for theft.

A PASSING SMILE
A paper sorting factory in Schwedt, Germany was shut down temporariliy after a worker spotted a human skull entering an automated shredding machine. Police say the worker saw the skull going by on a conveyor belt but was in too much shock to stop the machine.

BRINGING HER WORK HOME
Sydney butcher Katherine Knight pleaded guilty to lobbing off the head of her lover of six years, skinning him, boiling him and serving his flesh in dishes marked with the names of his three children. Knight - who left John Price's skin hanging in his hallway - also made a video which documented her grotesque murder for her four teenagers.

JACK IS JILL
A North Platte, Nebraska woman was convicted of posing as a teenage boy to win the affections of a 13-year-old girl. 22-year-old Jill Dodge was arrested after the victim's parents became suspicious and contacted police. Dodge was given a five- to ten-year sentence for sexual abuse.

GOING POSTAL WITH POOP
An Empire, Michigan man was charged with throwing three buckets of excrement on his former post office co-workers. The suspect had been fired several days before allegedly splattering the facility's sorting room.

OSAMA NOT ON BOARD
Italian police held a German truck driver for more than ten hours because his documentation contained the word "Laden," as in Osama Bin Laden. Authorities let the man proceed into Switzerland after it was determined the word in question was German for "load."

I'LL TAKE THAT
A man visiting a Palo Alto, California dealership picked up the 125-thousand-dollar Porsche Turbo that had been special-ordered two years prior. To the dealership's dismay, the real  owner showed up 20 minutes later. Carlsen Motor Cars' manager said the thief got the keys by convincing a detailer that he was the new owner.

THANK GOD THEY ONLY CLEAN THE FLOOR ONCE A DAY
A man visiting Nebraska got the only million-dollar game sticker in a Burger King contest, but lost it when he brought it to a grocery store copy machine. Three hours later, Larry Hatch found his winning piece stuck to the floor on a checkout lane.

WHAT DID HIS GIRLFRIEND DRESS AS?
A 17-year old entered his Michigan high school costume contest by dressing up as a vagina. The costume - made from pink satin and wig hair - took first prize, but Christian Silberies was suspended for the rest of the week.

CALLING ALL CARS
Police in Hutchinson, Kansas say two teenagers were so stoned they unknowingly hit the 911 auto-dial on a cellphone. As police listened at the other end, the duo gurgled through bong hits and discussed plans to rob a fast-food restaurant. 20-minutes later, police met them in a parking lot - where they found them in possession of pot and the still-connected cell phone.

STUCK ON YOU ...
Paramedics were called in to separate a newly-wed couple in Taiping, Malaysia who were unable to disengage after making love. The emergency crew said the couple were able to separate after being coached into relaxing.

P IS FOR PERVERSION
A Rotterdam man was convicted for inserting plastic bags in public toilets and collecting women's urine for a sexual thrill. He received a suspended sentence after convincing a judge he'd switched to feeding his fetish with porno films.

HIGH BUT NOT DRY
Firefighters rescued an unconscious Trimdon, England man from 25 feet up a tree. When he came to, Gary Carter said he'd spent the night drinking at a nearby pub and had no recollection of climbing the tree.

THOU SHALT PAY FOR THY PLEASURE
A 65-year-old German tourist was sentenced to six years hard labor by the Christian government of Lusaka, Zambia - for receiving a sexual favor. Wolfgang Seifarth had testified that he didn't know the act was against the law. The Zambian woman involved was not charged.

POWDERED PROOF
There was panic at a Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania student loan office when a baggie containing a gray powdery subtance arrived in the mail. A woman from Washington state had sent some ashes from her late son's body as proof that he'd died.

POLYGAMY PROBATION
A court in Mbanane, Swaziland told an immigrant whose two girlfriends were fighting over him to demonstrate he was compatible with Swazi culture - by improving his performance in bed with both of them - and both his wives.

CLEAN GETAWAY
A shopkeeper in Helmshore, Lancashire, England fended off three armed robbers by squirting them with liquid cleanser. Julie Walsh was tidying up the shop when the gang burst in. She squrited the cleanser into their faces and hit a panic alarm button. They fled empty-handed.

TAXIING DOWN THE DUMBWAY
Police in O'Fallon, Missouri said a man who took a taxi to a drug store donned a Halloween mask and demanded money from a clerk. When the employee was unable to open the cash register, the nervous suspect fled - and took the waiting taxi home. Police made an arrest after checking cab company records.

THIS DIP DIDN'T TAKE
A Chattanooga-area man was held on a million dollars bail after allegedly attacking his schoolteacher wife with a claw hammer - in front of her class of children. Police said James Harold Lusk was angry because his wife didn't attend his baptism.

JACKIN' THE BOX
Up to fifteen bandits in Pretoria, South Africa abushed an armored truck. Using pickaxes, crowbars and sledge hammers - they made off with one of three cash boxes - the only one that was empty.

FAIR WARNING
Police in Manchester, New Hampshire said a 21-year-old suspect called an Osco Drug store and said he was on his way with a gun, demanding that the druggist have a supply of OxyContin ready for him. He was arrested as he entered the parking lot.

THE NOSE KNOWS
A drunk driving suspect on the run from police in Corning, New York tried to throw off a K-9 by hiding in a liquid manure pit. The dog tracked him successfully. But the farmer who owned the pit said it would be a long time before anyone wants to share a cell with the suspect.

THE NOSES KNOW
Postal workers in Potter Valley, California thought a package smelled rather skanky and contacted detectives. After obtaining a search warrant for the mailer's home, officials found 24 pounds of pot, 140 pot plants, 5 thousand dollars cash ... and a mailing list.

DOES THE LIGHT GO OUT WHEN YOU CLOSE THE DOOR?
A Tyler, Texas neighborhood was evacuated after a device with wires and batteries was found in a mailbox. It turned out to be homemade flashlight - a science project stored for safekeeping by an 8-year-old boy.

NEW, FROM THE MAKERS OF LEE PRESS-ON NAILS ...
A bus driver in Antalya, Turkey refused medical help after an onboard thief cut off his ear. After telling police he was afraid of doctors and needles, Recep Yavrucu refastened his ear using Super Glue.

SCHOOL TELLS KID TO BEAT IT
A school in Viña del Mar, Chile expelled a 12-year-old boy for masturbating in class. His parents sued, claiming the behavior was normal for someone his age.

HOLY ENGINE FAILURE, BATMAN!
Thieves dressed as Batman, Robin and Casper the Friendly Ghost stole a Pontiac Firebird, computer analysis equipment and tools from an auto parts store in Spokane, Washington. Ironically, the trailer they used to transport the booty was in need of new parts - the abandoned haul was found less than a mile from the store.

SHOW & TELL
10-year-old Sammy Tharp vowed to make his family eat their words after they dismissed his sighting of an alligator in a creek near Philadelphia. The boy returned to the creek, wrestled and captured the 2-foot reptile and brought it home.

PANTY RAID
After hearing of the the dangers of mail bioterrorism, a man in Fallon, Nevada reported that he had received a pair of panties and an unsigned love note in the mail. The panties turned out to be from a secret admirer. The man was especially concerned because he had sniffed them.

ESCAPE TO DINNER
A Merced, California man reported his 200-pound python was missing. The huge snake was found under his porch, with a large bulge in its body representing the man's other pet, a pit bull.

STENCH FRIES
A fast food worker in suburban Chicago was arrested for robbing his former place of work at gunpoint after a co-worker recognized the smell of his body odor. Despite the suspect's full-sized mask, drive-through clerk Jamie Stetz cited the suspect's peculiar body odor and the Old Spice cologne used to attempt to cover it up.

TODDLER WAS IN GOOD PAWS
A toddler missing from the camp of a nomadic tribe in Lorestan, Iran was found three days later in a bears' den. A medical examiner said the 16-month-old boy had apparently been breast-fed by a mother bear and was in good health.

SURPRISE SURPRISE
What a pathologist had originally determined to be a three-inch section of a human penis in a bottle of Ora Potentcy Fruit Punch turned out to be a bacterial growth that looked just like one. The Pennsylvania man who found the object said he'll still not drink that brand.

NICE SHIRT, BUT WHAT'S THAT SMELL?
Morgue officials in Hyderabad, India began cutting the shirts and pants found on dead bodies in half. Authorities said the practice was to keep the morgue staff from stealing the clothing.

STORAGE SYSTEM
Police said a search of an escaped prisoner who was captured in Palmerston, New Zealand turned up 130 bucks in cash hidden in his rectum - and hash oil hidden in his underpants.

HELLO, IT'S ME
A man held up a Salzberg, Australia bank at gunpoint and made off with over 20 grand. Police arrested a suspect after a teller identified the alleged robber as a regular customer.

HELLO, IT'S ME II
A convenience store robber in Boston had an ID tag hanging from the zipper on his jacket bearing his full name. The clerk memorized the name and police arrested the suspect entering his apartment less than a half hour later.

©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.