Law and DisorderŽ
Strange Stories From Real Police And Court Files

©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.



CALLING CARD
Security officers in a Houston office complex had no trouble finding a suspect who'd stolen 900 dollars worth of video projection equipment from a conference room. They reported that an employee had used a credit card to jimmy the lock to the room's double doors - and left the card on the conference table.

SCREAMING BLUE MURDER
Police in East Sussex, England rushed to the scene after a report of a possible murder in progress. Officers found a couple that was more than all right - while they'd been making love, the woman was extremely noisy. She told police her partner was a really good lover.

WHEW!
Two Wilson, North Carolina officers - on their way to teach a college gun course - somehow lost a submachine gun and handgun from the back of their pickup truck. Local police helped search the route for nearly a day with no success. Eventually, two commuters who'd found the weapons turned them in.

OCEAN MOTION
A couple in Germany thought they'd test drive a waterbed before investing in one, so they hid in a furniture store until closing time. Porta Westfalica police responded to a silent alarm and found the couple making love. They purchased the bed.

IN A CRUNCH
When a 31-year-old Detroit man showed up at home bleeding from the crotch, he told his wife he'd injured himself jumping over a fence. But police showed up minutes later and arrested him for robbery and rape. Authorities said the man's victim had bitten his member so severely, they were able to follow a trail of blood to his apartment.

FANCY MEETING YOU HERE
A Westport, New Zealand man who was facing charges of driving without a license was involved in an accident on the way to his hearing. His car crashed into another that was driven by the judge who was scheduled to hear his case.

PUFFED UP ON PUFFS
A New York City woman sued a snack company for ruining her diet. Meredith Berkman was appalled to find out that Pirate's Booty had recalled its cheese puffs because the bags stated each serving contained 2.5 grams of fat, when, in fact, it was 8.5.

FACE VALUE
A Hitachi, Japan man who'd burst into a store and demanded money at knifepoint suddenly canceled his robbery and told the shopkeeper to call police. The suspect turned himself in because he'd forgotten to wear a mask - and assumed he'd be identified.

VOYEUR TO THE BOTTOMS THAT YOU SEE
A 31-year-old Dalarna, Sweden man was arrested for invading the privacy of the couple next door - by allegedly videotaping them through their bedroom window while they were having sex. The couple told police they found out about the tape through neighborhood word-of-mouth.

GO HOME!
A middle school teacher in Lower Michigan was charged with phoning her school with a bomb threat. Police said Kathryn Anne Olsen admitted making the call because she was stressed out and needed a day off.

BREATH OF FRESH FLARE
A man in Croydon, Pennsylvania suffered second-degree burns to his face following an explosion while he was giving himself an oxygen treatment. Officials said the 61-year-old man - who suffered from emphysema - lit a cigarette while using the oxygen mask.

SAFE AND SOUND ASLEEP
There was a happy ending to the case of a missing 7-year-old girl in Waiuku, New Zealand. As an all-out search was taking place, the child was soundly sleeping in the family van. The girl slept through the van's high-speed use in the frantic search - and was still snoozing when an officer spotted her in the back seat.

SCOOBY SNACK
A suspected shoplifter in Pinellas County, Florida was chased by a police K-9 named Scooby. The dog bit the man in the crotch, severing his penis. Police said the suspect had stolen a pack of cigarettes.

ROBBED IN 30 MINUTES OR LESS
Authorities in Pennsylvania said a man accused of robbing a bank didn't travel very far for the heist. 19-year-old Pizza Hut manager Peter Markovina allegedly robbed a bank just a hundred yards from his store - and then returned to work.

STOOL RAIDERS
Dundee, Scotland authorities were left scratching their heads after dozens of dog poop bins were broken open - and their contents stolen.

ZIPPETY DODO
A pervert in Virginia Beach picked the wrong 12-year-old girl to flash in an elevator. The girl yanked up his fly, mangling his manhood in the zipper. Police said blood found trailing from the scene indicated the flasher had been seriously injured.

UNFIXED INCOME
A computer glitch at a chain of banks in western North Carolina declared hundreds of bank customers dead. Many had Social Security direct deposits cut off when bank computers erroneously informed the Treasury Department that the recipients had died.

WHAT THE MAYTAG GUY MISSES
A housewife in Pampa, Argentina was charged with unlawful imprisonment after forcing a repairman to fix her washing machine at gunpoint. The woman claimed she'd had non-stop problems with the machine and forced the repairman to sign a statement that it wouldn't break down again.

WHAZZIS?
Police in Rochester, New York reported that a 16-year-old girl who attempted to rob a bank was foiled by her bad penmanship. While tellers passed her note around trying to decypher it, closing time came - and the suspect was trapped in a locked foyer.

KER-BOOM COLLECTION
Curators at North Carolina's High Point Museum were shocked to discover a live hand grenade among a collection of World War II artifacts. The grenade - which had been in the inventory for over a decade - was detonated by a bomb squad.

HELIUM HORROR
A balloon used for tracking drug suspects along the Mexico-Texas border broke free from its mooring - and was found 300 miles to the north, where the cable it was dragging started breaking power lines. At the advice of the Air Force, Burnet County deputies fired 75 shotgun rounds to bring it down.

DROP THE CHIHUAHUA!
Enid, Oklahoma authorities charged a 21-year-old woman with trafficking children after she attempted to trade her 7-month-old baby girl for a chihuahua puppy. Police said Kathryn Smith was turned in by her mother's neighbor, with whom she tried to strike the deal.

RIPPING MAD
An angry shopkeeper in Blerick, The Netherlands, tore up bank notes in front of a knife-wielding thief rather than turn over cash. The frustrated robber took off. The shopkeeper taped the notes back together and turned them into a bank for replacement.

BACK TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME
Police in a Santiago, Chile suburb arrested a suspected armed robber when he returned to a shop to apologize to his victims. The suspect also asked for his gun back - one of the victims had wrestled it away during a scuffle.

PIX MIX
A newspaper in Munster, Indiana ran an ATM photo supplied by the police which supposedly depicted a bank card fraud suspect. But the bank had supplied police with the wrong photo. An innocent customer - the wife of a local dignitary - had her image printed on the paper's Crime Stoppers page.

...SILHOUETTES ON THE SHADE...
A Phoenix woman called police to complain that the couple across the street were engaged in a sex act - which could be clearly seen in shadow form on the shade over their front window. When a cruiser arrived an hour later, the couple were apparently still at it - but after going to the door, officers discovered the neighbors were seeing the shadows of two tall cactus plants, gently swaying in the breeze of a ceiling fan.

QUIET COMPANIONS
Police rushed to a Munich apartment after a resident reported seeing a man carrying a corpse over his shoulder. Police discovered the man was carrying one of the inflatable sex dolls from his massive collection.

COPY & PASTE
31 engineering students at Carleton University in Ottawa were caught cheating on an exam by copying text from the internet and passing it off as their own work. It was an ethics exam.

GET THE POINT?
Due to a computer glitch, a credit card company sent a Johnson City, Tennessee man 2,986 identical letters. To add insult to the inconvenience - the letters turned down the man's credit card application.

BRINKS FINKS
Police in Yakima, Washington responded to a directly-wired burglar alarm and found that a house had its widows forced open. While investigating the interior, officers found a bolted basement door and the strong smell of marijuana. They returned with a warrant and snagged ten pounds of pot and ten thousand dollars cash.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PASSING NOTES?
Police in Marble Falls, Texas investigated a complaint that several elementary school boys had sex in the back of a classroom without the teacher noticing - at least twice. The nine- and ten-year-olds apparently hid under coats as they performed sex on each other while class was in session. The teacher was not disciplined.

DEAD OR ALIVE?
A 26-year-old Johannesburg, South Africa woman was rejected from opening a bank account because her government ID data said she was a man - and that she was dead. Home Affairs officials told Patience Mollo to submit a letter from a doctor stating that she's female. They didn't ask her to prove she's alive.

SHOW ME THE MONEY
An elementary school principal and teacher in Kansas City were investigated after they ordered a strip-search of 26 eight- and nine-year-old students. They were looking for five dollars in missing lunch money - which was not found.

GETTING A LITTLE TRIM
A topless barbershop in Hot Springs, Arkansas was doing more than just taking some off the top. The owner was fined 500 dollars after topless haircutters offered sexual services to undercover cops.

EARNING SOME GREEN
A Moorhead, Minnesota woman was charged with child endangerment after she was convicted of paying her babysitters with marijuana. Prosecutors said Lois Graff let the teenage girls smoke the pot in front of her toddlers.

CRACKER CUSTOMERS WERE PRAWN PAWNS
Westmills Foods of Hertfordshire, England pleaded guilty to a charge of deceptive trade after tests showed a missing ingredient in their prawn crackers. The company was fined five thousand dollars because their crackers contained no trace of prawn meat.

UNDER-THE-COUNTER PAYMENT
An 18-year-old gas station attendant in Toronto reported to police that a woman customer performed a sex act on him at knifepoint. The suspect turned out to be a male physics and math teacher from a Catholic high school.

BITING BACK
A woman in Uganda turned the tables on a husband who had allegedly been beating her for years. Police said Kampala Annet Mindaru bit off her husband's penis and testicles.

LOO POACHER
A mysterious man wearing a trenchcoat and sunglasses was seen leaving a Brighton, England pub at closing time. While cleaning up, the barkeep discovered that a toilet seat had been removed from the ladies room.

PARALLEL-UNIVERSE PARKING
A man who had borrowed his cousin's van for a run to the store noticed during the drive back that his cigarettes were missing from the dashboard - and realized he had the wrong van. Police in Lincoln, Nebraska confirmed that the vans were both the same make, model, year and color - and both sets of keys worked in either van.

HOW DRY I AIN'T
An Auburn, New York judge refused to sentence a convicted drunk driver - because the defendant was plastered when he showed up for his sentencing hearing. Cayuga County Court officials said Thomas Butler tested positive for twice the legal limit of intoxication - after sitting in court for three hours. The judge ordered him to jail until his next hearing.

TAXI-FARE SCARE
A man hopped into the front passenger seat of a woman's car in Kidderminster, England and ordered her to drive to the train station. Fearing for the safety of her two children in the back seat, the victim complied. When they reached the station, the man handed each child a 10-pound note, placed 10 pounds on the dashboard, and took off on foot.

GOOD THING SHE WASN'T A WET NURSE
A well-off Singapore woman was sentenced to five years in prison for physically abusing her 19-year-old housemaid. Prosecutors said Jennicia Chow Yen Ping had repeatedly assaulted the servant - including stabbing her with scissors and biting off one of her nipples.

YIPES! STRIPES!
A would-be thief at a game sanctuary near Johannesburg climbed a fence while running from the staff - and dropped into a tiger's den. The male and female tigers killed the perp, but, according to a police official, they played with him first.

NASTY TAXMAN
A woman in West Midlands, England received more than the usual grief from the tax collectors. Accompanying an official notice that her working-family credit had been turned down was a hand-written note exclaiming, "F*** U WANKER!" The Inland Revenue launched a full inquiry.

WAKE UP AND DIE
A 72-year-old woman was sent to a Berlin morgue while she was still alive. A doctor had declared the woman dead after she was knocked out by a fall in a nursing home. Officials said the woman died of exposure in the refrigerated morgue after regaining consciousness.

QUIET FRIEND
After a Seattle-area woman caused a freeway crash by cutting off traffic to get into a carpool lane - police discovered her only passenger was a mannequin. The Washington State Patrol said the dummy wore a wig, clothing and makeup, to make it appear the woman's minivan qualified to use the lane. The woman cut off a school bus, triggering a six-vehicle chain reaction that injured 16 people.

PARCHMENT PINCHER
Dozens of documents - including pardons signed by Abraham Lincoln - disappeared from the National Archives in Philadelphia. A 14-year employee of the Archives pleaded guilty to sneaking the items out - in his briefcase.

NO THANKS FOR THE HELP
A Longview, Washington woman was trying to keep her boyfriend - and herself - out of jail by addressing a judge in a county court. The court record reports that as Lisa Marie Brecht was explaining that she'd mailed delinquent court fines on behalf of Randy Baker, a baggie of meth fell out of her pocket. She was led off to jail as Baker covered his face with his hands and shook his head.

SPILL THE WINE
32 hundred gallons of white wine game gushing out of a steel tanker truck after it tipped over on a highway near Petaluma, California. Highway Patrol spokesperson Shannon King told the media, "I think it was chardonnay."

LADONIAN DREAM
The non-existent nation of Ladonia was the internet creation of Swedish artist Lars Vilks. The web site volunteered to shut down its tongue-in-cheek citizenship form after thousands of Pakistanis - thinking Ladonia was real - applied to move there.

DIPPETY DON'T
A Chicago-area woman vehemently denied she was engaged in prostitution when her one-room massage shop was raided by police. The police report said that the suspect angrily yelled denials that she and her customer were engaged in sex - with a string of semen hanging from her hair.

SCARLET LETTERS
A pedestrian who was struck in a hit-and-run incident in Houston provided police with enough evidence to make a bust. Three letters from the car's license plate were clearly visible on the victim's calves. With that information and a description of the car's make and model, police were able to identify a suspect and make an arrest.

BEGGIN' STRIPS
Doctors said an incapacitated 78-year-old man from Romania had his life saved by stray dogs and rats that ate his frostbitten legs. A surgeon at an Iasi hospital said the animals prevented gangrene from spreading to the rest of the man's body.

WHITE BREAD KIDS NO SMARTER
The makers of America's most popular white bread settled charges of deceptive advertising with the Federal Trade Commission. The FTC said Wonder Bread had no clinical evidence to back up claims that eating the calcium-enriched bread helped children think better.

SERIAL SOCK-STEALER
An Upper Marlboro, Maryland man was charged with felony and misdemeanor thefts after he allegedly knocked down several young girls and stole their socks. Police say Derrick Cobb was identified by a 13-year-old girl who gave her socks to Cobb after he convinced her he was taking a survey.

FROM THE WILLARD SCOTT FILES
A 100-year-old driver crossed three lanes of traffic and caused an accident in West Palm Beach, Florida - while on his way to renew his driver's license. Murray Silver vowed to return and renew his license - through his 105th birthday.

WEDDED WHATEVER
A 22-year-old Colombo, Sri Lanka woman obtained an annulment of her three-month-old marriage after discovering her husband was a woman. She'd met and fallen in love with the 27-year-old groom at work.

A LITTLE BIRDIE TOLD ME
A man attempting to smuggle an exotic parrot through Ottawa International Airport was foiled when the bird began screeching from inside his briefcase. The illegal macaw was confiscated and placed in a rare bird center.

OH, CHUTE!
A man had to be rescued from a nine-inch-wide trash chute between the second and third floors of a Stockholm apartment building. He told authorities he was trying to retrieve his favorite sweater, which his wife had thrown away.

I TAWT I TAW A PERVERT
A 30-year-old Roanoke, Virgina man told a court he was sick and needed treatment because he was sexually aroused by dressing up as a baby. He was busted after a neighbor found him in her bed eating baby food while wearing nothing but a diaper and a Tweety Bird bib.

TISSUE ISSUE
Officials in Hastings, Nebraska solved the mystery of what appeared to be a severed penis found near a shop vac at a car wash. After thorough tests, the object was determined to be a cow's teat.

INCENSED OVER INCEST
Police in Moore Haven, Florida - investigating reports that a family was keeping a baby's coffin in their farmhouse - discovered that the 13 children and grandchildren living there were the offspring of a brother and sister. An infant son that had died 12 years prior was being kept in the coffin.

TROUSER SNAKE
Police in Goettingen, Germany pulled over an erratic driver, expecting to find him drunk - but it turned out he had a live snake in his pants. The driver swerved when his 5-foot adder escaped from its cage and crawled up his pants leg.

ORAL EXAMS
A professor at Italy's Camerino University was fired after a video tape of him having sex with several female students was given to the dean. The university launched an investigation to see if law professor Ezio Capizzano's students had received inflated grades.

NO NEGOTIATIONS
A man tried to rob an Exeter, England grocery shop at knifepoint - but the clerk refused to hand over any money. The frustrated suspect paid for the goods he'd picked up and ran off.

HE SHOULD HAVE MARRIED IMELDA
A Medina County, Ohio court sentenced a man to a year of house arrest and five years of therapy for stealing eight pairs of athletic shoes belonging to teenage girls - because he was aroused by sniffing them. Police said plumber Daniel Ruther was in possession of at least 500 pairs of shoes, but prosecutors only had enough evidence to charge him with the eight.

FISHERMEN NET ASSAULT CHARGES
Two fishermen in Madeira Beach, Florida were charged with assault after one was hit in the head with a beer bottle - and retaliated by stabbing the other with the bill of a swordfish. Police said both men were drunk.

WITH MEAT BALLS?
A Jackson, Mississippi couple said they found a 5˝-inch piece of pasta dough in their Chef Boyardee meat ravioli that was shaped into a penis. The company sent them a cooler so they could return the penile pasta for examination.

GETTING A LITTLE SKULL
Wellington, New Zealand officials charged four men with grave desecration after they allegedly robbed the coffin of a baby and used its skull as an ashtray. Police said the infant's jawbone had been fashioned into a necklace.

BULLETPROOF BLUBBER
Santiago, Chile officials said an obese bus driver who was shot by an armed robber survived because the layers of fat over his stomach stopped the bullet. Had 266-pound Omar Campos been a thin man, he'd have died.

LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE
When a Tallahasse, Florida police officer was about to bust a man for urinating in public, the suspect bolted - with a lit cigarette in his pants pocket. As the officer gave chase, the suspect's pants burst into flames. As the officer closed in, the perp's pants fell down and he fell flat on his face. The officer slapped out the fire as another officer arrived to cut off the smouldering pants.

I SEE LONDON, I SEE FRANCE, I SEE BUFFY'S UNDERPANTS!
Richland, Pennsylvania's town treasurer was accused for embezzling over 200 thousand dollars of the town's money over a three year period. Officials said Buffy Guenst's personal purchases on a township credit card went unnoticed until invoices arrived for lingerie from Victoria's Secret.

FAMILIAR MODE OF TRANSPORT
A Christchurch, New Zealand man gave police a unique excuse for allegedly attempting to steal a van from a motel parking lot. He told officers he was trying to get to court to appear on another theft charge.

GIVE HER A RAISE
A cleaning woman in Dushanbe, Tajikastan accidentally saved a busy business center from a terrorist's bomb. Officials said that when the woman moved a package to clean the floor, an electronic detonator disconnected from a cluster of powerful TNT sticks.

BOSS BROTH
Police said a 23-year-old farmworker in Ondo, Nigeria confessed to killing his boss over a pay dispute - and chopping her up and making Pepper Soup from her body. Salifo Ojo allegedly told a co-worker that the soup made him hurl.

BATTLE OF THE BULGE
A West Virginia state senator argued against a mandatory auto safety belt bill - on the grounds that 20 per cent of the state's drivers are obese. Senator Mike Ross said it was unfair to penalize people who are too fat to wear seat belts.

OOOH, BABY, I'M HOT FOR THE QUIET TYPE...
An 62-year-old Bucharest man received a telephone bill for 13 hundred dollars after he fell asleep while using a telephone sex line. Constantin Luican said he refused to pay the bill because the line was boring.

THE SMILE DEFENSE
A burglar was convicted in Pawtucket, Rhode Island after a judge refused to throw out the case. The suspect's lawyer claimed his client's confession had been coerced by detectives who were being too nice to the suspect.

INSTANT HOLDING CELL
A burglary suspect in Malmo, Sweden was arrested by police after being trapped for eleven hours in the elevator that led to a basement apartment. Police said the elevator was designed to lock itself if its doors are pried open.

HUNGRY HIPPO
A woman in South Africa's Kruger National Park made the fatal mistake of interfering with a hippo and her young. While the woman was attempting to photograph the baby hippo, the mother charged and ripped out her stomach.

DRIVING HOME A POINT
A man who was refused psychiatric help at a hospital in Ljubljana, Slovenia set out to prove he was crazy. He drove his car through the hospital doors, down the corridor, and up to the reception desk - and asked again. He was taken to a mental hospital.

DIPPING INTO DRAWERS OF DRAWERS
Police in Calgrary said a man they arrested for stealing panties had been calling his victims to describe how each piece would look on them. The perp apparently stole the panties from as many as 100 women who were showing their houses for sale.

ROBBING PETER TO PAY PAUL
Police in Lock Haven, Pennsylvania said a man who was charged with robbing a bank did it to stay out of jail. Donald Guthrie allegedly used the money from the heist to pay off a bondsman for bailing him out of jail on a burglary charge.

ATTACK OF THE KILLER MAYO
A hazardous materials crew was dispatched to a Berkeley, New Jersey school because of a stench that caused two teachers and a student to suffer breathing problems. A bag containing a rotting lunch was found behind a row of lockers.

HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH
A man being held in a Newton, Massachusetts jail had apparently hidden a pack of cigarettes and lighter up his butt. An officer found Joseph Hall chain-smoking in his cell - and suffering from rectal bleeding.

ONE CLIP SHORT OF A FULL LOAD
"Unheard of and inexcusable." That's how Philadelphia's acting police commissioner described an incident in which a police officer's gun discharged in a charter school classroom, grazing a 10-year-old's cheek. Officer Vanessa Carter-Moragne was returning the clip to the gun after letting the students pass it around to examine it. The commissioner noted that even though the clip was out of the gun, there was probably a bullet in the chamber when it was passed around.

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT
The town council in Locust, Pennsylvania passed a public lewdness ordinance - which included a ban on erections beneath clothing.

PTV
A woman in Narita, Japan caught a man videotaping her in a restroom by placing his camera over the partition between stalls. She beat the suspect senseless and dragged him by the ear to a nearby police station.

HOLD THE CHEESE AND SAUCE
Police in Sao Paulo, Brazil arrested the owner of a pizza parlor after cocaine was found in the crusts of his stuffed pizza. A woman had complained that a lot of her cash was missing - and her son wasn't eating the pizzas he'd been ordering.

A TIGER SHOWS HIS TAIL
Grand Chute, Wisconsin police arrested a man who chained himself to a shopping mall guard rail - wearing nothing but slippers, leg-warmers and a hat with tiger ears. The suspect gave no explanation for the display.

TAKING A BREAK
When a police officer stopped by the side of the road to relieve himself in Mucurapo, Trinidad, thieves made off with his patrol car. It was later found abandoned - minus its radio, mobile phone and the officer's ID.

LOOKS MORE LIKE DANDRUFF
Police in Brescia, Italy broke up a drug ring after finding a suspicious shampoo bottle filled with cocaine in the possession of an alleged dealer. What made the shampoo bottle suspicious? The suspect was completely bald.

BURGLAR BARRED
A couple in Cape Town, South Africa broke up laughing when they discovered a burglar had gotten caught in the security bars on their living room window. Police were so amused, they waited for a TV news crew to arrive before freeing the suspect.

FARMING FOR CASH
A backhoe was used to break through the wall of a credit union in Salem, Oregon. The thieves made off with the safe, but left the backhoe behind.

DOG REVIVAL
When a Vancouver, B.C. police canine was knocked unconscious by stepping on a 240-volt cable, his human partner performed mouth-to-snout rescuscitation - as another officer pumped his chest. The German Shepherd named Bear was successfully revived and taken to an emergency veterinary hospital to recover.

PRICKLY HEAT
Four police units responded in Christchurch, New Zealand when a family reported that they heard a thief trying to saw his way into the house next door. Officers discovered the noise had come from a pair of mating hedgehogs.

WHAT'S JUNIOR UP TO?
700 felony charges were filed in Independence, Kentucky against the creator of a web site that exchanged photos of infants, animals and children involved in sex acts. A prosecutor said the charges were very disturbing because the webmaster was only 15.

BOOKLETS YANKED OFF SHELVES
The prime minister of Thailand ordered a ban on a booklet that gave teenage students tips on masturbating - saying the slang used in it was too strong. The booklet refered to self-pleasuring as "hooking fish" and "flying a kite."

DESIGNATED DETECTIVE
When a Buffalo limousine company realized a car had been hired with a stolen credit card, the driver was replaced with an undercover cop. The detective made three stops to pick up the passengers - including the suspected card thief. The trio was given a stylish ride to the police station.

RASTAFERENCE
Police in Nelson, New Zealand reported that woman who was robbed and bashed in the head was probably saved from serious head injury by her dreadlocks. The victim had her locks tied up in a bun.

©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.