Law and DisorderŽ
Strange Stories From Real Police And Court Files

©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.



MORE THAN ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE
Ruben Espinosa sued the Hollywood Cemetery in Houston after he nearly joined his late grandmother during her burial service. Espinosa said he partially fell into another open grave, which was covered with nothing more than a carpet.

FUNNY MONEY
Five alleged marijuana growers in Spokane, Washington were arrested after police receved an unusual tip-off. An official at a bank reported that their large cash deposit reeked of pot.

SECURITY BUZZ
A St. Petersburg, Florida woman sued Delta Airlines for 15 thousand dollars compensation after baggage checkers at DFW Airport demanded she hold up her dildo in front of other passengers. 36-year-old Renee Koutsouradis' attorney says his client should have been led to a private area after security discovered one of her suitcases was vibrating.

TWO-FOR-ONE
When Elko County, Nevada Sheriff's deputies pulled over an erratically-driven car, they were nearly struck by a second weaving car - so they pulled that one over, too. The two vehicles were driven by a husband and wife, both of whom were charged with drunk driving.

HOP-A-LONG FOOT CHASE
Dayton, Ohio police chased a van which had rammed a police car to get away during a burglary. When the van pulled into a dead-end street, the driver fled on foot, but two alleged accomplices couldn't get out of the vehicle because the side door had been jammed when the van clipped a tree. The driver was quickly apprehended when his prosthetic leg fell off.

UNHAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
A greeting card company in England apologized after a 12-year-old boy found an unexpected greeting hidden behind a 3D image glued to his birthday card. The boy pulled the plastic-encased picture from the card and revealed a handwritten message: "I will kill you."

LEFT BEHIND
A man in Saanch, B.C. reported to police that his indoor marijuana-growing operation had been stolen. The thieves, however, left some pot behind - and police charged the man with cultivation.

RUN FOR HELP
A Calcutta man wanted for suspicion of murder bolted from a store when undercover officers approached him. Thinking the cops were members of a rival gang, the suspect sought refuge at the nearest police station.

FFFFFPT!
At least 20 people in Washington, D.C. were hit in the back or buttocks by highly-sharpened darts. Police said one witness saw a dart fired from a blowgun sticking out a van window. Two of the victims required surgery.

UNDERAGE DRIVER
Four children were seriously injured when they were struck by a Cadillac in Ann Arbor, Michigan - the driver was listed in police reports as a 2-year-old boy. The toddler's mother had left the boy alone in a running car.

SLAM YOUR HEAD THROUGH A CLEAN WINDSHIELD
The Royal Canadian Mounted Police issued 90 tickets in a four-hour period to motorists who weren't wearing seat belts. The Vancouver, B.C. sting operation involved squeegee cleaners approaching cars and reporting drivers who weren't buckled up.

BOZO BANDITS
A wine bar in Manchester, England was robbed in broad daylight by a gang police described as highly organized - they were dressed as clowns.

NOT A NO-SWEAT JOB
A man attempting to rob a bank in Gallup, New Mexico looked a bit obvious. He was waiting outside wearing a ski mask and heavy trench coat - in 100-degree weather. He also made the mistake of showing up over a half-hour after the bank closed.

COMING TO TERMS
Those who like to sunbathe in the buff call themselves "naturists." 21 of them confused that term with a Tuscany, Italy beach's web site claim of "naturalistic beauty." They were fined for public nudity.

SPECIAL DELIVERY
A shotgun discharged in a Kent, Washington post office, but no one had gone postal. A man who was driving from Washington state to Alaska was attempting to ship guns and fireworks through the Postal Service so he wouldn't have to cross through Canada with them. He was arrested upon his arrival in Alaska. No one was injured when the gun discharged.

THE CONS JUST KEEP ON COMING
A woman sentenced for fraud in Saarbrucken, Germany was accused of having her sister show up to serve her jail sentence. Authorities said the woman also continued to pull off con schemes while she was free.

THE NEED FOR "SPEED"
Lumberton, New Jersey police said a man being chased by police called 911 to report that his pickup truck would blow up if he slowed down to 55 miles per hour. Persuing officers had seen the movie "Speed," too, and had state police blow out his tires with a spike strip. The driver was arrested on charges of stealing the truck and eluding police.

SHE SHOULD HAVE USED A ROLL-ON
A romantic evening a woman set up for for herself went terribly wrong. She decorated her Black Sea resort hotel room with flowers and candles and turned on some mood music for an evening with herself. The self-date ended with a trip to the hospital to remove a sex aid - an aerosol deodorant can.

BLIND JUSTICE
A Swedish student in Vienna used his ears to track down a suspect after he was robbed in the street. Pontus Forrs - who's blind - was able to track the thief's direction by the sound of his footsteps and heavy breathing while summoning bystanders to call police. His wallet and cellphone were recovered when police nabbed the alleged perp, who Forrs readily identified by voice.

GET ME OUT O' HERE!
20-year-old Michael Kempker II pleaded guilty to second-degree murder and was sentenced to monitored home detention. But Kempker called the Cole County, Missouri sheriff and begged to be moved to jail - saying he was sick of his nagging parents and couldn't trust himself not to get violent with them.

TRAVELIN' DOG
A court in England awarded joint custody of a dog to a couple who'd split up and moved nearly 200 miles apart. Under the decision, Bella the border collie would continue to be shuttled between the former lovers' homes in London and Bradford. The Royal SPCA complained that two homes don't suit a border collie, which, by nature, strives for a daily routine.

DIS-MEMBERED
A Bangkok man asked a doctor to remove his penis because he was embarrassed by his impotence. The doctor refused - so the frustrated man performed the operation himself. Bangkok police said the 49-year-old man rested his member on a stone, hacked it off with a meat clever and threw it in a litter can.

UN-MEMBERED
A Litchfield, Connecticut woman was sentenced to a year in jail and ten years probation for posing as a teenage boy so she could sexually seduce a 15-year-old girl. 29-year-old Franchesca Romaniello had charges of sexual assault dropped in a plea bargain.

NOT A BUDDY CHECK
A lesbian in the Algarve, Portugal found a novel way to remove the tops from the objects of her desires. Posing as a doctor, she called at least four women and convinced them to pose topless in their open windows - for a free mammogram by satellite.

CENTRAL NONSTANDARD TIME
Attorney Joyce Britton came under fire for billing the state of Illinois over 862 thousand dollars for the fiscal years 2000 and 2001 - when a check of invoices showed that on April 10, 2001, she supposedly worked a 44-hour day. It was one of several dates on which Britton billed more than 24 hours to Illinois taxpapers.

SEE YA LATER, ALLIGATOR
Five suspected teenaged car thieves were found hiding in a pond by police in Martin County, Florida. The quintet gave themselves up immediately when officers informed them they were hiding in an alligator pond - and focused a flashlight on one of the creatures' eyes popping up above the water.

SATISFACTION NOT GUARANTEED
A man from Benidorm, Spain stopped a police cruiser to complain that a prostitue was insisting he pay the fee they'd agreed upon - even though he didn't consider her service to be up to snuff. When police told the man he'd have to sue and make his complaint public record, the john - who was married - backed down and paid the fee.

HERE'S THE MONEY
Employees at a bank in Tsu, Japan got the best of a robber who demanded cash at knifepoint. They led him to the vault - and locked him inside while police were summoned.

POT PEDESTRIAN
A man in Canton, Ohio who was walking up the street carrying a huge pot plant asked a passerby, "Would you believe I'm walking down the street in the middle of the day with this pot plant?"  The passerby responded, "Would you believe I'm a cop?" Daniel Fornash was charged with midemeanor cultivation and possession.

NADLESS IN MICHIGAN
Police in Oak Park, Michigan found a man who was bleeding through his jeans - only to discover his testicles had been cut off my a man he met on the internet. The amputated parts were later found in a Tupperware container at the home of the alleged surgeon. The victim said he'd given the other man full consent for the kitchen-table operation.

PREMATURE PARTYING
Police found an accused burglar in a home in Texas City, Texas - relaxing over a bottle of whiskey. Authorities said Grady Dennis had stacked up items he intended to steal before discovering the whiskey. Police said Dennis was drunk and didn't put up much of an argument when he was arrested at the scene.

COVER ME
A Styria, Austria police officer sicked his K-9 partner on fellow officers - to prevent them from arresting him on a drunk driving charge. Officers had to shoot the dog, but a police vet said the K-9 would make a full recovery.

NOT EVERYONE WOULD BE IN LOVE WITH ME
Armed security agents descended on the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile when it took a wrong turn in Washington, D.C. The hot dog-shaped vehicle accidentally turned down a street near the Pentagon from which vehicles with six wheels or more are banned. After a thorough security check, the big wiener was sent on its way.

INSTANT SUSHI
A Surin, Thailand man was rushed to a hospital after a live fish worked its way into his throat and got lodged. The fisherman had been holding the fish in his mouth while re-baiting his line when the fish suddenly jumped down his throat.

BOXER BRIEFS
A transient has been charged by police in Hanau, Germany with assaulting an officer - with his underpants. As police were booking the man on trespassing charges, he stripped off his pants and skivvies and began whipping an officer with his streaked, smelly underwear.

NEXT TIME HE'LL MAIL IT IN
Police said a bag of pot fell out of James Russell's pocket at a district court office in Camp Hill, Pennsylvania -- leading security to search him and find 46 packs of crack. Russell had stopped by the office to pay an overdue parking ticket.

ICED HUSBAND
A 40-year-old woman in Wakkanai, Japan was charged with murdering her husband -- who had been reported missing 4˝ years earlier. Police said movers found his remains in her refrigerator.

CREATURE OF HABIT
A thief in Mexico City was done in by his punctuality. Authorities said the knife-wielding suspect robbed the Azteca Bakery of a chocolate cake four mornings in a row -- at exactly 8:00 AM. On the fifth day, police were waiting.

GET WELL CARD
A nine-year-old girl who stepped off a sidewalk in Willingboro, New Jersey was hit by a car and suffered a broken leg and fractured skull. While she was recovering in the hospital, the girl was served with a summons charging her with jaywalking.

WINDOW UNDRESSING
A man in a police holding tank in Hillsboro, Missouri faced additional charges after trying to break the bullet-proof glass out of a window in the door. A guard said the burglary suspect dropped his pants and unsuccessfully attempted to break out the window with his butt.

KINK LINK
A 37-year-old New York man was charged with unlawful imprisonment after allegedly handcuffing his girlfriend to his bed for a sex game -- and then passing out. Eight hours later, the woman managed to call police -- and denied she consented to being cuffed.

HOT AND BOTHERED
A man in Thailand who went on a vehicle-burning spree told police he did it because the sirens of approaching emergency vehicles brought him to a sexual climax. An Udonthani Province trooper said the suspect -- who had previously served time for arson -- was a volunteer firefighter.

THOSE WHO CAN'T DO, STREAK
An eighteen-year-old high school dropout in Pinellas, Florida ran naked down the center aisle during the graduation ceremony for what would have been his senior class. Although the naked suspect eluded police and teachers at the scene, he made no attempt to disguise his identity and was arrested at home.

CELL PHONE TO CELL BLOCK
A Traverse City, Michigan man -- with the help of a friend at a cellphone company -- tracked down his own stolen car. Because the thief kept using the phone in the car, Eddie Kim and his friend were able to track it to South Bend, Indiana, where a suspect was arrested after a police chase.

REMEMBER ME?
Louis Papakostas of Corpus Christi, Texas -- who was a fugitive from justice on a 1987 burglary charge -- introduced himself to the prosecuting assistant D.A. at a local restaurant, thinking the statute of limitation had run out on his crimes. He was arrested and sentenced to eight years in jail.

...AND REMEMBER ME?
A Florida man who had been sentenced to home detention was arrested for violating the terms of his sentence -- when his picture appeared in the local newspaper. The Gainesville Sun carried a photo of the at-home convict winning a belly flop competition. Shawn Sullivan took first place in the heavyweight category at Fanning, Florida's Red Belly Day.

...AND ME?
A murder suspect escaped from a downtown Memphis jail -- using the same hole in a fence he'd used to escape from the jail over a decade ago. Red-faced officials repaired the hole.

GOOSED!
When a bleeding, scraped-up Shawn Hacking told his mother he'd been hit by a goose, she thought it was some kind of vehicle. The 13-year-old from Winnipeg was knocked clean off his skateboard by a Canadian goose, which flew off unharmed.

HOW TO GET OUT OF JURY DUTY
When police showed up to arrest a Miami Beach man on charges of attempted murder, his father told detectives the suspect had reported for jury duty. As the suspect was doing his civic duty, the police did theirs -- and arrested him at the courthouse.

POTHEADS GONE NOT-SO-WILD
A national pro-marijuana rally in Beaver Dam, Wisconsin turned out to be a bust, with fewer than 200 attending. Police may have kept the numbers at Weedstock down with heavy patrols by officers who videotaped the crowd.

BUSINESS TRICKS
Turin, Italy officials arrested a prostitute for charging her customers too little. Monica Isa was charged with trying to force other hookers out of business under the Italian fair trade law.

BID KID
A 13-year-old Rogers, Ohio boy used a neighbor's password and a school computer to outbid people on a number of high-dollar items on the eBay auction web site. The boy was found out when his neighbor received a call about finalizing a deal on a helicopter -- on which the boy had bid over a million dollars.

HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU, KIDS
Adam Comer's children came screaming into the house after finding 13 eyeballs in their backyard in Ferguson, Missouri. Several more eyeballs were found in neighbors' yards. Police said the eyes appeared to have come from cows.

PROMMIN' AID
Police in Reading, Pennsylvania said a teenager carjacked an SUV because he needed transportation to the prom. The stolen vehicle was found outside a hotel -- containing rented formalwear and Polaroid prom photos of the suspect and his girlfriend. Police said the SUV was jacked at gunpoint from a teacher at the suspect's school.

A PASSION PLAYBACK
An animal sanctuary warden in Eccles, England took Oliver the Parrot home for the night -- but the next day, the bird began repeating her passionate moaning and dialogue from a sexual encounter. Oliver was isolated from visitors until he could forget his graphic recital.

BOOMERANG!
A 60-year-old drag racer from Tucson decided it was time to persue a safer hobby -- so he took up flying radio-controlled model planes. Unfortunately, Roger Wallace lost site of his plane in the sun and it crashed into his chest -- killing him.

CAPTIVE AUDIENCE
A man was locked into a Lima, Peru movie theater after he nodded off while watching "Spider-Man." Luis Guardia was freed when the manager came to work the next morning.

NINE INTO ONE EQUALS...
While a Wiltshire, England math teacher was administering an exam to 17 students, he was viewing porn on his laptop. To the shock and amusement of his students, the computer was still hooked to the classroom's big screen.

LETTIN' THE FLIES IN
A man in the lobby of the LaPorte, Indiana Sheriff's Department slumped against a wall and began snoring loudly. Plainly visible in his mouth were plastic bags -- which deputies determined to contain cocaine. He'd come to the station to post bail for a friend.

IF YOU BUILD IT, THEY WILL COME
A man from Scotland who was stranded on an ice floe near the North Pole orchestrated his own rescue -- by constructing a one-thousand-foot airstrip. Using his handheld computer, David Mill sent a digital picture of the runway to rescue officials in Resolute Bay, Canada. A rescue plane landed within 12 hours.

ARMED, NOT LEGGED
A Kansas City man pleaded guilty to armed robbery -- after police found his prosthetic leg at the crime scene. They traced the suspect through the device's serial number.

PACK UP THE KIDS
A 23-year-old woman from Chile was arrested at the Argentina border when customs officials found her two children stuffed into a suitcase. The woman told authorities she didn't have authorization to emigrate with them. The 7- and 4-year-old barely fit in the air-tight metal suitcase -- but were OK because they'd been stuffed in just before the woman arrived at customs.

OFF TO SCHOOL
An eight-year-old Antioch, California boy drove himself to school in the family Hyundai. The four-foot-tall boy even managed to negotiate the car through obstacles on a construction site. He was ticketed for driving without a license.

AIRSTRIP, DRAGSTRIP, WHATEVER...
A confused pilot landed his private four-seater on the Indianapolis Speedway -- mistaking the race track for an airport runway. Pilot Danny LeGrant told police he was extremely embarrassed. A track employee joked that LeGrant may have qualified for the drags.

BONER BOY BOUNCED
A New Zealand teenager was suspended for writing an essay about the embarassment of getting an erection in class. The teacher had assigned students to do essays on the subject: "How Does Your Body Betray You?"

THE CROOKED WON'T BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU
A Fredricton, New Brunswick woman allegedly hired crooks to break into her house and steal her boyfriend's computer -- because he was paying more attention to internet porn than to her. Police said the scheme backfired when the crooks took more than the computer -- including all the woman's CDs and jewelry.

GUNNYSACK
A woman in Green Bay, Wisconsin who blew her husband's testicles off with a shotgun claimed she and her hubby were playing a sex game. 44-year-old Susan Winkler told police her husband often asked her to put an unloaded shotgun to his scrotum -- except this time, she forgot the gun was loaded.

AUTO-EROTICA
A couple making love in a parked car in Graz, Austria forgot to practice safe sex -- by setting the parking break. The car rolled into the River Enns and the naked couple swam for their lives as the vehicle sank.

MORE AUTO-EROTICA
A woman in suburban Dallas was charged with unlawful trespassing for having nightly sexual encounters in her neighbor's car. The woman -- who kept a set of her neighbor's keys for emergencies -- was allegedly sneaking into the car late at night for extramarital sex. The car's owner said she noticed her vehicle smelled funky, which led her to discover suspicious stains on the back seat.

TAKING A CHOP OUT OF CRIME
A Durban, South Africa burglar picked the wrong victim when he attempted to strangle the 45-year-old woman who caught him ransacking her home. Marietjie Fourie -- an award-winning karate expert -- fractured his skull.

HE'LL BE A MODEL PRISONER
A silent burglar alarm at a clothing store summoned police in Vegevano, Italy -- who found a pried-open service door. After a thorough search of the premises turned up nothing, a sharp-eyed officer spotted a suspect standing in the display window impersonating a mannequin.

DOG FOOD
A 78-year-old Styria, Austria woman hadn't been seen in several weeks, so police were summoned to break into her house. Officers discovered that the woman had been dead for some time -- and her starving dog had eaten her.

MOANING 101
Students at Villanova University who were expecting an early-morning instructional tape on the campus cable system got a real eye-opener instead -- a porn video. Police in Villanova, Pennsylvania said whoever loaded the tape committed a crime -- by breaking into the TV system control room to switch tapes.

DOPEY DADDY
A 17-year-old Seattle-area boy turned his father into police for cultivating and selling pot. Officials confiscated over 40 plants, scales and prepared baggies after the teenager told police he was sick of living around drugs and a pot-smoking dad.

MUZAK MUGGER
A man who stole a purse in a Hartford, Connecticut mall accidently hit the 911 button on the victim's cellphone -- and ducked into another store to buy some new clothes. As a dispatcher guided police from store to store, they found the perp by identifying the store's background music.

CAREFREE CASH
An employee at a Carefree, Indiana supermarket found 42 hundred dollars in 20-dollar bills in a dumpster behind the store. The money had accidentally been thrown out by a person servicing an ATM.

TANKY PANKY
Authorities in Camden, Arkansas received several complaints that a man was going door-to-door offering to clean septic tanks -- in exchange for sex. It wasn't known if there were any takers -- but if there were, let's hope the payment came before he did the cleaning.

SHOW & TELL
Court officials in Uniontown, Pennsylvania said a suspected drug dealer showed up for his day in in court -- carrying two grams of crack and a bag of marijuana. When officers approached him about an unrelated matter, he tried to run away, yelling, "I got the blow on me!" He was charged with additional drug counts and resisting arrest.

WEEWEE TREE
Police in Santa Cruz said they were unable to anything about a 20-foot eugenia tree on private property that resembled a giant penis. The owner said the phallic tree had not been purposely trimmed to look that way -- and existed in her yard for 15 years without any complaints.

BEE CAREFUL
Residents of Santa Lucia, Chihuahua, Mexico were evacuated after a truck carrying 650 active beehives tipped over on a major throughway. Police set up checkpoints around the angry swarm, warning motorists to roll up their windows.

DESIGNATED DRUNK
A woman in St. Georges, Delaware was arrested on drunk driving charges -- outside the police station. She'd driven there to pick up her husband, who'd just been processed -- on drunk driving charges.

SILLY SURRENDER
Paul Goldsmythe of Christchurch, New Zealand was watching late-night TV when a police officer called and told him his house was surrounded by officers -- and ordered him to walk outside with his hands in the air. Goldsmythe complied -- only to find no one oustide his home. The police had called the wrong phone number.

LEWD LAUNDRY
Women at a laundromat in La Crosse, Wisconsin told police a man came in, stripped naked, and threw his clothes into a dryer -- despite the fact his clothes didn't seem wet. When two women laughed and made fun of his naked body, the man opened the dryer, grabbed his clothes and ran off.

MAYBE FOR AN X-BOX...
Arapahoe County, Colorado authorities arrested a 15-year-old boy on three counts of trying to hire someone to kill his aunt. Detectives said the teen was offering his Sony PlayStation in exchange for the hit.

CLOWNING AROUND
Coco The Clown had purple hair, a big flashing red nose and gigantic shoes -- and got various propositions from prostitutes in the streets of Tampa. Coco was the creation of undercover cop Tim Pasley -- who jovially arrested four hookers for solicitation.

LIFT AND LOOK
A female high school administrator was suspended after conducting a panty-check on teenage girls -- in front of other students and faculty, including males. Vice principal Rita Wilson of a high school near San Diego lifted girls' skirts to make sure they weren't wearing thong underwear to a school dance. One parent told police Wilson confined her inspections to thin, attractive girls.

SQUEALING TO THE POLICE
Police in Hot Springs, Arkansas were involved in a yard-to-yard foot persuit of a suspected drug dealer when he suddenly disappeared. Moments later, officers heard the loud, high-pitched squeals of a pet potbellied pig -- and officers found the suspect hiding in the pig's home.

TEENIE WEENIE
A judge in Potsdam, Germany denied a man's lawsuit seeking that his health insurance company be ordered to pay for a penis enlargement. The judge ruled that the man's small member didn't qualify as a medical condition -- but ordred the insurance company to pay for psychological counseling.

TWO HOURS LATER, I WANTED MORE
A restaurant owner in Beijing was sentenced to 18 months in jail for adding highly-addictive crushed opium poppies to a spicy fish dish. Police said Bi Jingxiang was assuring that customers would keep coming back for more.

ROBBERY - BEYOND THE PRICES
A trio of armed thieves in Monroe, Washington weren't happy the amount of money in a safe at a Starbucks Coffee store. Police said they confined the manager and two employees to a back room, donned aprons, waited on 18 to 25 customers, pocketed the proceeds and fled.

HARRASS THIS
While San Diego police officers and city employees were attending a compulsory seminar on sexual harrassment, an image of topless teenaged girls suddenly appeared on the Powerpoint projection screen. The picture was traced to a city employee -- who was forced to resign.

YOU CAN'T TEACH AN OLD DOG NEW TRICKS
A bank robber in Wheat Ridge, Colorado appeared to be a bit feeble, so the branch manager wrestled him to the ground before he could pull his gun out of a paper bag. The suspect -- who was wearing a surgical mask and walking with a cane when he entered the bank -- turned out to be 70 years old. Authorities said the senior had been convicted of robbing a bank and taking a hostage a quarter-century earlier.

GIVE THE DOG A BONE
A pervert in Hertfordshire, England learned a painful lesson -- don't flash a woman who's accompanied by a German Shepherd. After the man exposed himself to the woman, Tara the Shepherd bit the flasher in the genitalia. Jacqui Jones told police the suspect "hobbled away doubled up in agony."

DUMB, DUMBER AND EVEN DUMBER
19-year-old Joseph Rios of Philadelphia was sentenced to two to four years after prosecutors used video footage documenting his crime -- recorded by Rios and his accomplices on a camera they'd stolen in a burglary. A recording found in the camera featured Rios and two friends bragging about the crime and showing off Christmas gifts and money they'd stolen along with the camera. The tape included a closeup shot of Rios' driving license.

HAND-TO-MOUTH
A man who was high on PCP when arrested while walking naked in the streets of Phoenix told police he'd bitten off and swallowed his two-year-old son's thumb in an attempt to mix their DNA. Police discovered the thumb was still in the suspect's mouth several hours after the incident -- but after rushing the man and his son to the hospital, the thumb couldn't be reattached.

CAR AFAR
A Norfolk county, England man had reported his red Vauxhall missing a year before it was found -- by himself. An embarrased Kevin Eastwood found his untouched car near a friend's house in Sussex county -- exactly where he'd parked it after a night of heavy drinking a year earlier.

SHAY, JUDGIE, WHASSHUP WISHEW?
A man who applied for a probation program for first-time drunk-driving offenders smelled of alcohol -- so York County, Pennsylvania judge Penny Blackwell ordered that he take a breathalyzer test. It was determined he'd driven to court with twice the legal blood-alcohol content.

HELLO, NEWMAN
Two men walked away from a prisoner work detail along an Aztec, New Mexico highway -- and right into a SWAT team conducting a training exercise in the desert. Upon their arraignment for felony charges of prison escape, district judge George Harrison ordered that all work detail inmates view the film "Cool Hand Luke."

MAN OF STEEL
The Royal Sussex County Hospital in Brighton, England called in firefighters after doctors were unable to remove a steel ring from a man's penis. The firefighters had to use Jaws of Life on the sex toy after the blades broke on the hospital's metal cutters.

THE DYE IS CAST
A man who allegedly robbed two banks in Virginia and fled to Washington, D.C. was startled when a dye-pack exploded in his car. The suspect veered into a van carrying the finance minister of Sweden. Federal guards held the literally red-faced man until the FBI arrived.

SNACK BURGLAR
A woman in Middlesburg, Pennsylvania claimed her medical condition was to blame for her alleged crime -- she was charged with breaking into a home to steal food three times in one day. Police said Jonie Jenkins claimed she stole pies, ice cream, nuts, cookies and Popsicles because of an eating disorder.

©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.