Law and Disorderr
Strange Stories From Real Police And Court Files

©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.



I DIDN'T KNOW WONDER MADE PITA BREAD
Three supermarkets in Yardley, Pennsylvania had been finding crumbled cookies and squashed loaves of bread on their shelves for years. Finally, a pastry vendor set up a video camera, leading police to charge Samuel Feldman with disorderly conduct and criminal mischief. His lawyer said it's no big deal ... everyone squeezes bread.

LIQUOR RUN
Some people will do anything to get their hands on booze. Convicted murderer Richard Aslock was arrested after returning from a trip to a local liquor store in Springville, Alabama. He's an inmate at the St. Clair County Jail.

CAN'T WE ALL GET ALONG?
A Madang, Papua New Guinea man faced a murder tribunal after taking an argument with a coworker to extremes. Several dozen witnesses said Moropia Silkapi burned down Yakamup Makatu's house, killed him by bashing him in the head with a rock, and then plucked out and ate his eyes, heart and testes.

FELONY FALSE FILING
A Little Rock, Arkansas man was charged with filing a false police report after telling police his car was stolen while his daughter slept in the back seat. The felony charges were leveled against Michael Amos after the entire department was mobilized and found the car in less than two hours. But Amos had no daughter.

HIGH STAKES
Convicted bank robber Mark Merrill found a lawyer to help him file a 2+-million-dollar suit against Donald Trump. Merrill claims he robbed two Illinois banks because the Trump Casino fueled his gambling addiction.

ONE-MAN MILE-HIGH TOBACCO CLUB
A 41-year-old Continental Airlines passenger was arrested by the FBI after his nicotine habit got the best of him. Smoke alarms went off shortly after a flight left Houston when Charles Everman lit up a cigarette in a restroom. Authorities say a waste paper fire resulted when the suspect attempted to ditch the cigarette in the trash. The fire was quickly extinguished and Everman was met by agents when the 737 landed safely in El Paso.

MUGGER MEETS MOXIE
81-year-old Adam Oxtal and his wife Jeanette weren't about to let a whippersnapper mug them. When Oxtal tried to give a young Omaha woman a one-dollar reward for giving them directions, the woman grabbed his wallet and ran. Oxtal chased her down, tackled her and reclaimed his wallet. Not bad for a guy who'd had triple-bypass surgery a couple years earlier. But the embarrased mugger ran back to the car and tried to snatch his wife's purse. 75-year-old Jeanette Oxtal hung on so tightly, the strap broke, and the woman ran off empty-handed. Police arrested the 23-year-old suspect a few blocks away.

I SMELL MAIL
Workers at a Yorkshire, England park made a mistake when they installed a bin where people can empty their pooper scoopers. The bin was red, instead of green, so many park vistors were using it for a mailbox.

ALL YOU CAN EAT
There was a party at a Mount Pleasant, South Carolina restaurant, but the manager wasn't invited. A waitress and cook closed the eatery early and invited two dozen friends over to devour all the food. They left the Huddle House Restaurant empty and unlocked. Police say the party was captured on a security video.

ZOMBIE BAG
An 81-year-old Louisiana woman fooled an experienced home nurse and the parish coroner. After they determined she was dead, the woman was transported to the Bossier Parish morgue in a body bag, where workers discovered she was still breathing. The coronor says he won't rule out divine intervention.

POWERED DOWN
A Fresno, California couple who had been served with a search warrant refused to help police. In order to safely search power fixtures, an officer opened the circuit breaker box to cut the power, only to have the suspects' stash of crack cocaine fall out of the box.

CITY COUNCIL, THAT'S THE TICKET
A city council candidate in Scottsdale, Arizona, might have been going for a Liars Club award. Two local papers disclosed that he lied about being an orphan, lied about where he was born, lied about his education, lied about having leukemia, and even lied about his name being Gary Tredway. Following the exposTs, police ran a check and identified him as Howard Mechanic, wanted for throwing a cherry bomb at firefighters in St. Louis.

YOUR MONEY OR YOUR - WELL, WHATEVER
Police in Pinellas Park, Florida who were staking out a frequently-robbed adult bookstore charged one man with wielding a weapon - a vibrator. Officers said Keith Vetter held up the clerk with a Vibrating Tongue taken from one of the store's shelves.

AND WERE THEY MADE WITH HARRELSON HEMP?
Police in Cyprus found heroin woven into some plush Persian carpets in the luggage of an Iranian man. The giveaway? The rugs were unusually heavy ... about 4 kilos too heavy.

CRIME STINKS
A Springfield, Florida man was arrested on charges of grand theft of cash, checks ... and toilets. Tim Hardenbrook - a driver for a septic tank service - was caught in possession of some of his company's porta-johns. He was allegedly charging money on the side to rent them out.

LIVE AND LEARN
A catastrophic chemical spill alert detailed in a fax sent out to the Washington state media turned out to be just an excercise. An Emergency Operations Center spokesperson said that during drills, the faxes are generated, but shouldn't actually go out.

YOU'RE KIDDING
A London woman lost her suit against LRC Products, in which she claimed she became pregnant due to a defective condom. Her partner probably wasn't happy with news coverage of the trial. She claimed the device broke during a typically unremarkable encounter.

HE'S A HYPER OLD GUY, ISN'T HE?
An 88-year-old widower was among ten people involved in a crack cocaine bust in Sarasota, Florida. Police said Deo Dubbs may be the oldest person ever arrested for drugs. Dubbs said he worried that the incident would ruin his reputation at the Senior Friendship Center.

WHEN COPS GO BAD
Three policemen in Tegucigalpa, Honduras were assigned to guard the house of a Supreme Court judge after a break-in was thwarted by an emergency call from a neighbor. But the cops were arrested for trying to finish the job, stealing a car that had already been filled with the burglars' loot. The officers were turned in by the same neighbor.

LET IT BLOW, LET IT BLOW, LET IT BLOW
An 18-year-old Wisconsin man was arrested after a stolen snow blower was found under his porch. Police had simply followed the machine's tracks in the snows which originated at the point of theft several blocks away.

PURPORTED POSER POPPED
34-year-old Charlene Zimmerman was charged with felony theft in Dallas County, Iowa after accepting 10 thousand dollars worth of charitable donations. Zimmerman had shaved her head and cut her skin to make it appear she was a mother with terminal liver cancer on a very special episode of Oprah. Suspicions arose she appeared to miraculously regain her full health.

THEY NEED SCHOOLIN'
Some thieves who held up a Johannesburg primary school should have stuck around for some education. Three men held up the principal and two staffers at gunpoint, snagging cash and jewelry and stuffing the loot into a briefcase. But when they fled, they accidentally took the briefcase of the principal, which was stuffed with homework.

DAMN TEST
There was panic in the Ventura River Valley of California. People in wheelchairs struggled up hills. Mothers ran down the street pushing babies in strollers. Residents threw their valuables into their cars and sped off. Giant loudspeakers announced, This is an emergency. Head for higher ground. You have one hour. But what many residents didn't hear was the first part of the announcement ... This is a test. Authorities were testing a system to warn people in the event of a dam break. Officials vowed that next time, they'd make it clearer that it was only a test.

EL BANDITO LOCO
It wasn't too difficult to ID a member of a trio who held up an El Pollo Loco restaurant in Santa Barbara, California. Police say ex-employee Elver Catalan was wearing his El Pollo Loco shirt during the heist.

TELEROBBERY
A Biloxi, Mississippi man tried to rob a casino from the comfort of his own home. Police say Ronald Cherry called Treasure Bay and demanded they send 100 thousand dollars to his home or he'd start shooting casino patrons. Biloxi Police Captain William Kirk said it's real easy for the police when a suspect gives out his home address.

HOOVERED HOOLIGANS
Two nervous young robbers with ski masks and guns turned tail and ran when a Fremont, California grocery store owner lunged at them them with a vacuum cleaner. Vikaram Banga's wife told a local paper that her husband's a very tough man, and can get very scary when he's angry.

HOOVERED HIPS
Two young sisters from Neiva, Colombia were given a choice for birthday presents - a trip to the United States, or liposuction. They chose liposuction. But both of them died in the recovery room. A deputy chief prosecutor said he had not ruled out negligent homicide in the case.

HUNT & PECK
A Fort Smith, Arkansas woman used her head after two burglars broke into her apartment and bound and gagged her. She managed to dial 911 on her cellphone using her nose.

SEVENTY-SIXES AND EIGHTY-EIGHTS
A Bellfort, Pennsylvania widow fell for the voice of Randy Dillard on her CB radio. She was so head-over-heels charmed by the voice, she gave up 99 thousand dollars to help him out of financial jams ... and bankrupted herself. Police say Randy Dillard was actually a con woman with a husky voice living on disability checks in the nearby town of State College.

PHONY FILL-UP
Two women standing next to their car in Carlsbad, New Mexico told a passing deputy that they had run out of gas. But when he offered to help, he discovered 80 pounds of marijuana had been stuffed into the gas tank. The sheriff's department says the tank was so full of pot, they're amazed that the car could have started at all.

MEANWHILE...
Border patrol agents in Texas found marijuana and hashish when canines led them to the gas cap on a pickup truck. One of the gas caps, that is. The truck had identical gas caps and tanks on both sides ... one for gas, the other for drugs.

SHATT'S THE WAITRESHHHES APPLE JUISSSSH
A 4-year-old girl in Marlboro, Massachusetts said her apple juice was yucky and made her act silly. That's because TGI Fridays had served her straight whiskey instead. Her family reported the incident to the state beverage control commission, wondering what whiskey was doing in a paper cup with a straw.

ROBBER ROLLS AND RUNS
A man in a wheelchair held up a West Memphis, Arkansas cafe. As he was wheeling away, he spotted some persuing officers, got up from his wheelchair, and ran off. Police were able to capture the suspect during the chase, but they already had a pretty good idea who he was. He'd written his holdup note on the back of a personalized check bearing his name, address and phone number.

STATE LAW
Governor Marc Racicot of Montana had been breaking the law without realizing it. The governor's office said he'd been driving with an expired license. He'd failed to renew it on his birthday, then went three months beyond the 90-day grace period. Governor Racicot scheduled a day off to take written and driving tests so he could once again drive his state car.

RAT-A-TAT
An officer who was an elite bodyguard for the Berlin Police Department accidentally shot three fellow officers with a machine gun during a training exercise. The injuries were not life-threatening, but the victims were treated for multiple wounds to the arms and legs.

WE LIKE TO CALL IT AN "A.C.I."
A doctor at Prince Philip Hospital in Llanelli, Wales became the subject of an inquiry after removing a healthy kidney from a patient and leaving the diseased one inside. The 69-year-old patient was quickly rushed to a specialty clinic with failing health. The hospital's spin doctor termed the blunder an adverse clinical incident.

LEONARDO LICKS HIS LIPS
Neighbors contacted police when a sociable southern Italy man hadn't been seen in over a week. Police entered his home and discovered he'd been eaten by a pet lion.

ROCKER'S OLD PROF?
Kent State University removed an instructor in Probability & Statistics after he started pelting students with erasers and calling them dumb Americans. The probability that the Czech native would do that was low, but the statistic was that all 35 students didn't understand one of his math concepts.

A CAMEL BY ANY OTHER NAME WOULD SMELL THE SAME
For six years, a mild-mannered camel had lived in the corral on the estate of La Caille Restaurant in Sandy, Utah. Then, the camel bit a friend of the owner and pummeled the owner when he tried to intervene, breaking his ribs and collapsing a lung. The camel's name? Stinker.

THAT KETCHUP'S A LITTLE THIN
A Bloomington, Minnesota McDonald's Restaurant served french fries covered in blood from an injured worker to at least two parties. The employee immediately stopped making fries when he realized he'd been cut, so the Health Department decided not to penalize the store.

HIGH SCHOOL REUNION
Maintanence workers at Kewaskum High School in Wisconsin found a Class of '78 ring while cleaning out a storm sewer. Using a 22-year-old yearbook to trace the initials RWM, they determined it belonged to Randy Seefeldt and called him with the good news. Seefeldt said he'd put the ring someplace safe - like his wife's jewelry box.

GOAL!!!
The NYPD finally picked up the so-called Soccer Guy, a fast-moving thief who would pick the pockets of Japanese men. He'd show the tourists a picture of a soccer star then entertain them with fast, fancy moves, kicking around their shins, circling, bumping, and pretending to make head shots. During the distraction, he'd also relieve the victims of their wallets. Police say 16 men complained of the mugging tactic over a three-month period.

DONUTS ARE NOT A COP'S BEST FRIEND
Police in East Greenwich, Rhode Island were embarrassed after putting a burglary suspect in their newest, state-of-the-art jail cell. The crook escaped by tripping the lock with a folded-up Dunkin' Donuts paper coffee cup.

DUMB LOVE
A Hawaii man who was just five months shy of being released from prison on an eight-year sentence let love get in the way of reason. He walked off a work furlough because he couldn't wait to get married. But the suspect used his prison ID card while trying to get a marriage license. Now his fiance has been left in the lurch for several more years.

I'LL HAVE ANYTHING THAT TAKES A LONG TIME TO EAT
An inmate in the Huntsville, Texas prison named Brian Price is also the cook who prepares the last meals for prisoners on death row. While Price awaits his release in a few years, he's writing a cook book, aptly named Meals To Die For.

POTTED POTTER APOLOGY
A Welsh accountant who went on a drinking binge was feeling guilty about how he may have treated people. Howard Potter took out an ad in a Cardiff newspaper apologizing to anyone he may have forgotten that he offended, vilified, embarrassed or bored. He also apologized for being abusive to the staff at a hotel and two police officers who tried to lead him home. Following publication of his ad, his employer fired him.

NEENER NEENER NEENER
Two youth groups in North Platte, Nebraska went to court over the use of a community college gymnasium for their basketball teams. The judge told them they were wasting the court's time and told them to settle it themselves. So without instigation from any attorney parents, a simple coin toss determined who will get to use the college and who was relegated to a middle school gym.

MONKEY ON THEIR BACKS
A Edinburgh, Scotland judge chewed out some social workers who - after an official visit - made an extra effort to rescue a pet monkey from the home of some heroin addicts. The state workers failed to notice that a 5-year-old girl was living in the home confined to her own filth, wearing a cast that had supposed to have been removed 10 months earlier, and sporting fingernails that hadn't been cut in over a year.

WELL, WE NAMED THE TEAM AFTER MY MOTHER'S OLD CAR...
A Hutchinson Beach, Florida elementary school was thrilled to have members of the Florida Marlins schedule a special assembly. But the only one who showed was Christopher Camp, a poser who had convinced school officials he was a player and promised that his teammates would come along with giveaways. The kids caught on when he couldn't answer many of their questions about baseball. When the real Marlins heard the story, they sent the school kids some genuine autographed jerseys and baseballs.

PLOP
A 48-year-old woman who had been experiencing stomach pains got the surprise of her life when she suddenly have birth on a busy sidewalk in Volos, Greece. Maria Andreaski told those who ran to her assistance that didn't know she was pregnant. Mother and baby were reportedly doing well after being taxied to a local maternity ward.

HOLE IN THE BED
An Adelaide, Australia family was shocked to return home and find that a mysterious 3-foot-long metal cylinder had crashed through their roof and smashed up the bed in the master bedroom. But it wasn't a UFO. The Air Force informed them that they'd lost a submarine tracking device from an aircraft flying overhead at 88 hundred feet.

I'VE GOT MY SLED TO KEEP ME WARM
A snowmobiler stranded on Baldy Mountain in Washington state kept alive ... by burning his snowmobile. Jason Conboy of Spokane disassembled his vehicle part by part to keep the fire going. He had just burned his helmet by the time rescuers arrived.

HOUSESITTER
Ahhh, there's nothing like the smell of bacon coming from the kitchen in the morning. Unless you're returning home from a trip and nobody's supposed to be in your house. Police in Des Moines, Iowa arrested a man who was living in John Sayles' house while he was gone ... cooking, playing music and sleeping in his bed.

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER
An Edmond, Oklahoma man has returned Snow Dog, his favorite childhood book, to the library. It was 40 years overdue. Art Ogg sent along a check for the overdue amount - nearly 300 bucks - calculated at 2 cents a day.

NO PEEKING
A Dublin, Ireland woman won 5-thousand-dollars damages from a pub that locked her inside at closing time. Marian Gahan fell asleep on the toilet and sued Guiness Ireland Group for not checking the restrooms before locking up.

WHAT A CUT-UP
A Taylorville, Illinois man was convicted for theft after cheating at bingo at the local American Legion hall. Ronald Lyerla saved old bingo cards, cut out the numbers, then pasted them on a new card so he could claim a 500-dollar prize.

WHAT, NO FISH?
Newcastle County, Delaware officials charged a man with felony assault after he allegedly beat up his cousin during an argument. Police say Philip Tavenner used a frozen turkey and a 5-pound block of frozen ground beef in the attack.

ROCKED BY BAD LUCK
A Belgian tourist returned a stone he took home as a souvenir from an ancient Scottish burial site. The man told officials in the Highlands region that the theft had brought him bad luck - his daughter broke a leg, he lost his job and his wife fell ill after he lifted the rock from the prehistoric site.

MAN OVERBOARD
A man in Copenhagen called the Maritime Sea Rescue Command to report that his freighter was in distress and sinking fast. After launching a full-scale sea rescue, officials learned that the caller was a drunk who was acting out the disaster with toys in his bathtub.

SAFE PASSAGE
A Tallahassee, Florida murder suspect went to his dad while on the run from the cops. Booker T. Flowers told his son to hide in the trunk of his car and he'd take him somewhere safe. Flowers then drove his son to the county jail and turned him in. The dad says jail was a lot safer than dying in a shootout with police.

MARLBORO KID
A Norwalk, Connecticut man was arrested for letting his underage son smoke in a restaurant. The Department of Families & Children employee who turned the father in said the child appeared to be familiar with handling and smoking cigarettes ... at age 2.

TRACKED DOWN
A Michigan State Trooper had no trouble finding a stolen snowmobile. He followed its tracks. They led to a house where he arrested two men in possession of the snowmobile and other stolen items.

IN CASE OF CHAFING, BREAK GLASS
A Prescott, Arizona man will face breaking and entering charges, but no theft charges after breaking into a Wal-Mart store. Michael Stone smashed a glass door and entered the store while it was closed for a holiday. He exchanged his underwear, which was much too tight.

"BYE BYE, THOMAS!"
Several men loaded an amusement park train engine onto a truck near Lenark, Scotland, as the park staff looked on. They even waved goodbye as the replica of Thomas The Tank Engine was supposedly hauled off for maintenance. It dawned on the staff later in the day that the 4-ton engine had been stolen.

TIGHT WITH MONEY
Thieves used a stolen backhoe to make off with an ATM machine in Ogden, Utah. But they didn't have the right equipment to open the cash compartment. Police found the cash-filled ATM abandoned behind an elementary school.

NOT TO HIS CREDIT
A Sedgwick County, Kansas merchant called police after a computer check showed his customer had a stolen credit card. The suspect was buying bedroom furniture and supplied his delivery address. Police met him at home.

BOMBS AWAY
A Seville, Spain man was standing next to his car having a conversation when an iceball came out of the clear sky and crushed the car's hood. At first, the Spanish Meteorology Institute figured it was a ball of human excrement ejected from a jetliner, but after nine more reports of falling iceballs, they determined the substance to be debris from a passing comet.

BARK & LOCK IT
An Ogalalla, Nebraska couple left their dog in the car with the engine running when they went to do some shopping. They returned to discover that the pooch had stepped on the master door lock switch, locking their keys in the running car. Repeated attempts to get the dog to hit the switch again were fruitless. After 30 minutes of coaxing, they called a locksmith.

BOB IT
Police say a Stillwater, Minnesota man cut off part of his genitalia, then called 911. The man was a registered sex offender who told police he was tired of it getting him into trouble.

PACKIN' POT
A Pittsfield, Massachusetts man who was appearing in court to plead innocent to a drug charge got deeper into trouble. Authorities say a routine courthouse check of his fanny pack turned up five baggies of marijuana.

WHOA, NELLIE!
It's not often police find a lone horse in the middle of an L.A. intersection. The full-size fiberglass replica of a thoroughbred included racing tape around its hooves and a lifelike tail. It took up a lot of room at division headquarters, but a supervising detective joked that it didn't eat much.

NO HO HO HO
It appears that in the off-season, Santa delivers subpoenas in his sack. A Santa Claus in British Columbia sued a shopping mall, wanting to be paid royalties because the mall used photos of him in their advertisements.

WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?
Notoriously underpaid police in Bogota, Colombia were commended for turning down a huge bribe from a suspected drug kingpin. Arrested in a drug bust, Oscar Cuevas allegedly offered officers 3 million dollars if they'd look the other way while he made a getaway.

PREDESTINED TO PAY
The Y2K bug may have not created worldwide chaos, but it did cause some amusing glitches. Tavares, Florida truck driver John Campbell received a notice warning that if he didn't renew his big rig's registration by February 11th, 1900, he'd be fined 300 bucks. Campbell wondered how he would manage to pay the bill before he was born.

YO! 911!
A 5-year-old in Lombard, Illinois was distressed when her yo-yo broke, so she called 911. Emily Barg apologized to firefighters who responded to the bogus call by baking them some cookies and assuring them that she'd learned her lesson.

POLITICIAN SLINGS IT
The parliament speaker in Swaziland, Africa was charged by the kingdom with removing cow dung from the royal yard. Mgabhi Dlamini claims he was going to use it to cast a good-fortune spell on the king.

CHEATING BYTES
A 17-year-old Rawlins, Wyoming boy was charged with a crime against intellectual property after allegedly hacking his way into his high school's computer system. Police claim Eric Petross deleted a forthcoming test.

LONG-GONE BONGS
Someone entered a law enforcement museum in West Fargo, North Dakota and broke into a drug paraphernalia display case, making off with several water pipes used to smoke pot. A Cass County lieutenant said he doubts it was an aging hippie, but joked that the perp might be found at a convenience store stocking up on munchies.

NO I DON'T, YES I DO
A 22-year-old from Brattleboro, Vermont claimed he was innocent on drug-pushing charges. But on an application for a public defender, Norman Hardy, Jr. listed his occupation as Selling Drugs. A judge said that didn't qualify as wage income and granted Hardy a free lawyer.

THE SHIRT OFF HIS BACK
A man successfully escaped from a fire at his hunting cabin during subzero weather in Klovsjo, Sweden, but never made it to town. Police say they found his naked, frozen body on a snowmobile four miles away.

MINDING THEIR OWN BUSINESS
Workers found the five-year-old remains of a man in a room at a Moscow apartment shared by five families. Police were mystified that no one ever noticed the man had never emerged from his room.

NOW HE'S REALLY ANGRY
FBI agents say a man who produced a gun from an envelope and robbed 34 thousand dollars from a Salt Lake City bank left behind some incriminating evidence. He took the gun with him, but not the envelope. It contained his graduation certificate from an anger management course.

FRAGILE - DO NOT DROP
Italian post offices are virtual banks where customers keep savings accounts and safety deposit boxes. To rob a post office in Casilina near Rome, one suspect had his accomplices bring him in wrapped up as a parcel. When the package wouldn't fit through the regular delivrery door, employees invited the crooks to use a service door behind the counter. The backroom robbery netted the group 75 thousand dollars.

A CELLULAR SAVE
One of New York's finest, plainclothes Sgt. Bob Delamey, thanks his cellphone for saving him when an undercover drug buy went bad. Caught in a shootout with dealers in a Bronx apartment, a bullet bounced off Sgt. Delamey's phone and simply grazed his stomach, rather than piercing his heart.

TELLY PHONE LINE
A Wolverhampton, England family didn't understand the nature of the 999 emergency service number. When paramedics arrived at the house, the distraught family asked if they could get their television set fixed.

THIS TIME, IT WASN'T THE CHICKEN
A Scandinavian Airlines flight from Oslo to London was delayed for six hours because of a smelly passenger. Technicians were searching for a fuel leak after the cabin crew complained of a strong petroleum odor. It turned out to be a new oilskin coat worn by a passenger.

I HEAR THEY GOT BUILDIN'S TALLER'N MY CORN
A Nebraska farmer never imagined he'd be fighting New York City hall - he's never even been to the Big Apple. Stanley Burnside was fined 180 dollars for illegally parking his pickup truck in Manhattan. The 1979 truck has a bad transmission and has been sitting behind his barn for years.

HEY! HEY! HEY!
A 350-pound drug trafficking suspect filed a motion in Santa Fe to strike all court records that refer to him by his street name, Fat Jose. Jose Martinez's lawyer said the nickname was derogatory. The U.S. Attorney opposed the motion, saying it was really intended to limit the prosecution's evidence.

BABY DRIVER
20-year-old Emmet Ayers II was arrested for letting his 4-year-old nephew drive him to a Moulton, Alabama courthouse in his Cadillac. Ayers said he didn't want to get in trouble for driving without a license.

NOT QUITE BOYS TOWN
A priest was arrested with 11 kilos of cocaine under his cassock while trying to board a flight from Sao Paulo, Brazil to Amsterdam. Father Jorge Saliba admitted that it was his fifth international drug run, and said he was using the money to save a financially-strapped day care center.

WHAT'S FOR DINNER?
Four people have been jailed in Pskov, Russia after disposing of a murdered friend in a very grisly manner. The quartet killed their friend in a drunken brawl, chopped him into pieces, boiled him, and gave the flesh to another friend who cans stewed meat.

NOT A GLAMOR SHOT
Survivors of former Washington state governor Dixy Lee Ray have accepted a 70-thousand-dollar settlement from employees of the Pierce County medical examiner's office. They were showing photographs of Ray's corpse to friends.

FUTURE ELMER FUDD
A Big Creek, West Virginia man who took his 6-year-old grandson rabbit hunting was shot and killed when the boy accidently dropped a shotgun. Using a term he had just learned, the boy ran home and announced to his family that he had bagged granddaddy.

PRACTICE MAKES IMPERFECT
Kenner, Louisiana police have arrested an armed robbery suspect using tapes of him practicing his heist. Outdoor surveillance cameras captured the suspect practicing how he was going to pull his shirt over his head to rob a suburban New Orleans sandwich shop. It was enough evidence to arrest the suspect, who has a 1990 conviction for armed robbery.

JACKED CHEESE
Some thieves in North Charleston, South Carolina made off with a lot of dough ... but police were left wondering what they're going to do with all of it. They'll probably become fat cats. They stole a 16-foot truck loaded with 24 hundred frozen pizzas. The truck was found a mile away ... minus the pizzas.

A SWALLOW WILL TELL
A 32-year-old Las Vegas woman was charged with burglary, grand larceny and possession of stolen property after a diamond ring disappeared while she was examining it at a jewelry store in Cesaer's Palace. Police had Lori Carroll x-rayed, and located the ring inside her with its 4-thousand-dollar price tag intact. It was, er, returned about 10 days later.

BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR THIS TAG NUMBER ... 1
Sao Paulo, Brazil is notorious for its crime rate, and even the country's chief executive can't paint a rosy picture of the city. President Fernando Cardoso's car was stolen on a Sao Paulo street while an aide used it to do an errand. The president's car joins 90 thousand others stolen in a year's time.

ROBBERY ALARM
A convenience store robbery suspect was able to elude police on the ground and in a helicopter equipped with a spotlight. But then, as he was hiding in a tree, his alarm watch started beeping. Officers say the suspect will do time, thanks to his time piece.

MUNCHIES INCLUDED
It's a strange one. That's how a London customs official described the discovery of 150 pounds of marijuana hidden in shipments of apple streudel from Germany to the major U.K. food store chain Tesco. About 10 stores in southeast England would have found the pot in their pastry shipments.

BROWN-BAGGING IT
A suburban Texas couple found their journey into Dallas to be an exciting one. They found a brown paper bag containing 300 thousand dollars, a 9 millimeter handgun and 18 rounds of ammuntion. They turned the goods over to police and refused to identify themselves for fear of retribution from crooks who may have lost the bag.

HOT DATE
Four men and a juvenile were charged with setting a fire that gutted part of a Durham, New Hampshire high school. Police say one of the suspects said he organized the arson so he could spend more time with a student he'd been dating.

POOR HONEST COPS
Columbia's police may be grossly underpaid, but they still have ethics. Bogata Metro Police chief General Argemiro Serna says officers turned down an alleged bribe from suspected drug kingpin Oscar Fernando Cuevas, who offered the cops 3 million dollars cash if they would look they other way while he made his getaway.

REVVED UP AND READY ... ALMOST
A bank robber in Columbia, Tennessee had to flee on foot when he found that his stolen getaway car was useless. The perp left the motor running ... and the keys locked inside the car.

BIG APPETITE IN LITTLE RHODY
The head of Rhode Island's Department of Transportation was arrested for allegedly stealing cookies and other snacks from a big rig accident clean-up site. State police say Thomas Jackvony, Jr. pilfered over 500-dollars worth of goods scattered over a highway when the truck's trailer split in two.

THE WINNER'S A LOSER
A Long Beach, California woman who won the lottery filed for bankruptcy after a court ordered her to turn all her winnings over to her ex-husband. Denise Rossi dumped her husband of 25 years in 1996 without telling him she'd hit the jackpot. A judge ruled that she'd violated California's law requiring disclosure of her assets at the time of the divorce.

READ BETWEEN THE LINES
A Fayetteville, Arkansas man is suing a sheriff's deputy because he was arrested and later released after using a hand gesture. John Nichols claims his one-finger salute is protected by the First Amendment.

GREEN AND ORANGE? A CASE FOR THE FASHION POLICE
Eugene, Oregon police were red-faced after a man got away with a high-profile bank robbery. The suspect made his getaway in a bright orange taxi while wearing an ugly green wig with white specks in it.

A STING OPERATION?
Police in New Orleans arrested a rap singer who performs in a bumblebee suit and calls himself Bum Beazy. Police say 20-year-old James Lane admitted committing nine armed robberies so he could finance his first album.

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, CONTACT...
Police in Van Buren, Arkansas report that a man who robbed a motel at gunpoint left a calling card. The 20-year-old suspect nervously filled out a motel registration card with his real name and address just before he pulled the heist.

OH MOM, POOR MOM #1
A 9-year-old boy in Memphis lived with his dead mother's body for over a month. The boy cut his own hair, ate frozen pizzas and cereal and went to school every day. Police say the boy was afraid he'd be put in foster care if he told anyone his mom had died. He's now living with his grandmother in Mississippi.

OH MOM, POOR MOM #2
A 7-year-old Peabody, Massachusetts girl told a teacher that her mom had died, to which the teacher replied, You shouldn't talk like that. Then Lydia Hanson went home and curled up in her dead mother's arms. The school has apologized for the mistake.

LIVING LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW
Kenyan newspapers reported that a man who took early retirement lost his entire pension in one night. He cashed the check on his last day of work and headed for a Nairobi bar, where he bought patrons rounds of booze until the well ran dry. He then took a new-found lady friend to a local hotel, where he awoke the next morning to find the woman and the balance of his money gone.

ZERO-TOLERANCE GAB FESTS
A 31-year-old Hanford, California high school teacher found herself facing four felony counts and three misdemeanors after sharing her troubles with two students. Police claim physical education instructor Tonia Lee Reynolds passed a pot pipe to two girls aged 14 and 15 while sharing her woes with the girls in her pickup truck in a school parking lot.

INSTANT WANTED POSTER
A bank robber was sentenced to federal prison in Omaha, Nebraska, because police had no problem matching a name with his face. A teller at the bank recognized Keylen Thornton from high school. She easily IDed the suspect to police using a yearbook.

GATEWAY TO FEAR
The Gateway Arch in St. Louis honored its promise that tickets to the elevator would be valid forever. After a honeymooning bride chickened out in 1977, the Wisconsin couple were told they couldn't get a refund, but their tickets would be still be good should they ever choose to come back. Over 20 years later, they returned to the Arch with the original tickets, and were told they were still good. But they still didn't get to use them ... the woman was still too scared to get on the lift.

I CHOOSE YOU, PIKACHU
A Summerville, South Carolina collectibles store was broken into, but 20-thousand-dollars worth of rare coins were left untouched. Stolen were the store's collection of Pokemon cards. A 14-year-old boy was arrested after bragging to friends about his heist.

I CHOOSE PUNCHINGU
A 22-year-old Canton, Ohio man was charged with felonious assault and domestic violence after repeatedly punching his 12-year-old brother's head in a shopping center parking lot. They were fighting over Pokemon cards.

I CHOOSE TO TREAD ON YOU
Orange County, California prosecutors filed felony robbery charges against a 13-year-old Huntington Beach boy because of the viciousness of his attack on a classmate. Police say the boy beat his victim, stole his Pokemon cards, and then ran him over several times with his bicycle.

I CHOOSE TO PEEK AT YOU
A Dekalb, Illinois college student who was arrested for secretly taping women undressing was caught crawling through the ceiling of a police station looking for his video camera. Police spokesman Jim Kayes said it was Dekalb's first case of someone trying to break into a police station. Suspect John Lu was remanded to psychiatric examination.

©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.