©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.
RADIO WAVES END CRIME WAVE
A DJ at a North Dakota college radio station has been charged with a series of burglaries because a record skipped on his weekend rarities show. A professor noticed that a Vanilla Fudge song skipped in the same place as one from a stack of albums stolen from his house three weeks earlier. A search of the DJ's dorm room turned up hundreds of vinyl records stolen in a series of local break-ins.
THROW SOME BUCKS ON THE BARBIE
Burglars in Sydney, Australia used a propane torch to open a travel agent's safe. Unfortunately, the heat from the torch burned the 72-thousand dollars inside the safe to a crisp.
A Sudbury, Massachusetts burglar should have cased his victim's apartment more thoroughly. The resident came home and found his cat pawing at the cabinet under the sink. There he found the suspect, shaking & delusional - because he's afraid of cats.
WHITE COLLAR CROOK
John Altman of Baytown, Texas was arrested for robbing his neighbor's house on the way home from work. Police allege he used a key under the doormat to gain entrance and steal 49-thousand dollars worth of rare coins. The giveaway? He left his briefcase on the kitchen table.
WRONG COLORS, PAL
A Newburyport, Massachusetts crook thought he'd dreamt up the perfect robbery: borrow his room mate's McDonald's uniform, walk confidently into the restaurant, nonchelantly empty the cash register, and walk out. Unfortunately, an off-duty officer in the restaurant knew something was wrong immediately. The suspect attempted his crime at a Burger King!!!
If you're going to rob an ice cream store, don't be such a slob. When an Auckland, New Zealand clerk handed a customer his ice cream cone, the man pulled a gun and robbed the money from the register. Police found him sleeping in a nearby park, with melted ice cream all over his hand, mouth ... and gun.
ROCK & STOLE
Police in Dartmouth, Massachusetts had no trouble finding the man who stole 500-dollars worth of CDs from a dorm. The victim said the music blasting from an apartment across the street sounded very familiar. Police arrested Carlton Ramsay for burglary ... and violating a noise ordinance.
NO PICKUPS ALLOWED
A man in Coos Bay, Oregon who attempted to abduct a 15-year-old girl got more than he bargained for. The tough young teen knocked him unconscious against the steering wheel of his pickup truck, which then rolled off a 20-foot embankment, crashing on a rocky beach. The girl told police she's taken several self-defense classes.
WASN'T THAT MADGE THE MANICURIST?
A Harrison, New Jersey police officer got his foot stuck in a gap on a drawbridge during a traffic stop. Firefighters and fellow officers with crow bars and even the Jaws of life couldn't free him. A passing motorist offered a bottle of liquid dish detergent ... which did the trick.
HE SHOULD HAVE JUST BITTEN OFF HIS EAR
Lifelong buddies Frank Ortega and Owen Finnegan of Las Vegas bet 100-dollars to decide who was the better fighter. 69-year-old Finnegan knocked 73-year-old Ortega down with his first punch ... killing him. Finnegan's been charged with murder.
JULIE, JULIE, DO YA LOVE ME?
An airplane carried a banner over a Bellflower, California airshow which read: "Julie, I love you. Marry Me. - Frank." Imagine Frank Selendar's surprise when Julie said yes ... and then his other girlfriend Julie came up and said yes, too. Security guards broke up the ensuing 3-way fight.
When a Madrid woman didn't show up for the separate funerals of her two brothers, her family felt snubbed and stopped visiting her. Eventually, her neighbors persuaded a family member to visit the woman - only to find she'd been dead in her bathtub for three years.
FORGET THE FILE IN THE CAKE
Prison in Washington County, Maine learned the hard way that attempts to escape are futile. A construction detail removing 19th-century iron bars from one window put in two days labor and wore out over a dozen power saws.
AND SHE WONDERS WHY HE DUMPED HER
With the chance to yell at her ex-boyfriend on the The Ricki Lake Show, Carla Hooper was supposed to be the victim. But Orlando police thought otherwise. They arrested Hooper after she admitted on the show that she slashed Vernon Smith's waterbed, broke his windows and mirrors, smashed his car's headlights and poured sugar into his gas tank.
EVERYBODY SPREAD IN
17 police officers, 3 dogs and 95 firefighters were involved in an all-out search for a two-year-old boy missing in Zurich. They looked everywhere - except the boy's house. He was found sleeping under a blanket in an unused room at home.
JUNK IN A JUMP SUIT
Authorities at a county jail in Pittsfield, Massachusetts say a prisoner escaped by throwing himself away. They suspect that Raymond Thomas crawled through a garbage chute and was taken away with the trash. In other words, an unclean getway.
GOTTA LOVE IT
Firefighters at a full-time Seattle stationhouse thought they had a thief among them. The tennis balls they used for recreation were disappearing by the dozens. It turned out it wasn't a thief - just a prankster. When they turned on their high-pressure hose at a fire, dozens of tennis balls came shooting out with the water.
MAYBE THE MODEL DID IT
An artist in Yellow Springs, Ohio has taken her painting out of an exhibit at her town hall to keep it safe. Julie Karlson kept finding paper clothes taped over her rendering of a nude woman.
Police near San Francisco arrested John Smalls after his girlfriend saw his picture in the local newspaper, along with information that he was wanted for bank robbery and assault. It was a picture of Smalls...but it wasn't his rap. Police often use the drivers license database to get pictures of criminals, but had furnished the paper with a photo of the wrong John Smalls.
FRANCE'S FUNNIEST HOME AUDIOS
A high school student in Paris has been charged with invading personal privacy after he made his teacher a radio star. The student secretly taped the teacher on a tirade in the classroom, then had it broadcast that night on Paris' top rock radio station.
THEY'D SWEAR THE TOWER LOOKS TALLER
Residents in Agra, Kansas find the graffiti on their town water tower to be a bit uplifting. Someone has changed "Agra" to "ViAgra". Due to the high cost of repainting the tower, the mayor will let it stand, so to speak.
A bank robber in Bexley, Ohio didn't wear a mask, but no one really was looking at his face. The crook was wearing blue & white checkered pajamas and bedroom slippers open at the heels.
Police in the U.K. have found out who killed a farmer's wife by pushing her bicycle off a cliff into an old quarry. The perps? A flock of sheep...anxious to get to the tasty bale of hay she was delivering to them.
Two shoplifting suspects in Jonesboro, Arkansas were unaware that a friend was going to break them out of jail. As they waited for paperwork on their bail bonds, Al Williams crashed his Jeep Cherokee through the front door of the police station. The suspects were terrified as their friend drove into the lobby. Detective Bruce page says it's probably best if someone knows they're being broken out of jail.
An Ohio State Trooper stopped to help a man whose car was stuck in a snowbank...but saw some familiar things in the back seat. Trooper P.R. Shaeffer recognized items from his wife's desk that had been stolen during a break-in at his church. Michael Willis was arrested for burglary, theft and driving with a suspended license.
TWO-WAY TWO BITS
A Fort Lauderdale newspaper writer agrees with his neurosurgeon that it was stupid to try and squash a quarter under a train. As Kevin Sean Rowe was placing the coin on the southbound tracks, he was hit by a northbound train.
London Police are aiming to take the fear away from victims and put it on the criminals. Suspected drug dealers and robbers are receiving birthday cards featuring a photo of a police station with a message inside reading, "Thinking of you on your birthday."
JUST SAY NO
A man walked into an E-A-B bank in Farmingdale, New York and gave the teller a note demanding all her 50s and 100s. The teller looked him straight in the face and said, "No!" The perp sheepishly took back his note and left.
IT'S A HARD DRIVE TO JAIL
A 19-year-old Danish man randomly hacked into the wrong computer. The PC was owned by the head of the Copenhagen Police Computer Crime Unit, who easily tracked down the cyber-crook and arrested him.
HARD HEAD, HARD HAT
It didn't take police long to find their prime suspect in a Fort Smith, Arkansas convenience store holdup. The clerk at the Gas Well store remembered the robber's hard hat...on which his name was printed.
HONEY, I SHRUNK MY WALLET
John Symcheck of Millsboro, Pennsylvania told police three men stole his 300-dollars and assaulted him. After an investigation, though, police learned the real story. He didn't want his wife to know he was at a bar spending all his money on booze for himself and his friends. He was charged with filing a false report.
THEY SHOULD HAVE PUT ONE OF THOSE BALLS ON THE ANTENNA
One of the suspects in the robbery of a McDonald's in Shawnee, Kansas was nabbed by police in a nearby bar. And when police traced a car left in the McDonald's parking lot to a Lawrence woman, her boyfriend called back to turn himself in. It seems that after the robbery, the perps had been unable to find their getaway car.
BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP, YEAH!
A Kiev, Ukraine business owner bought pagers for 50 of his employees. On the way back to the office all of them burst out screeching at the same time...shocking the man into driving his car into a lamp post. The message on all fifty pagers? "Congratulations on a successful purchase!"
During a court session, Denver County Judge Claudia Jordan slipped a note to a court clerk. It read: "Blind on the right side. May be falling. Please call someone." So he called 9-1-1. When paramedics arrived with a stretcher, the judge pointed out that she was refering to a window blind on the right side of courtroom.
It had been six months since Rocco Pellicina had entered a Milan hospital, and relatives hadn't heard from him. After an exhaustive search, police found him in the hospital morgue. He'd died two days after he was admitted, but the hospital never told his next-of-kin.
SELL ME MY CELL PHONE
Brooklyn police say Stan Seewald gave an Oscar-winning performance when he called the crook who'd stolen his cell phone. Seewald convinced the crook to sell him back his phone, as police waited on the street and inside his van. The cops say Seewald even talked the crook down from 200 to 80 bucks.
John Walker of London is finally playing face-to-face with a man who'd beaten him in a chess game that lasted seven years by mail. But Walker has to go to jail to do it. His opponent is serving life in Richmond, Virginia for murdering his mother.
IT'S NOT THE WELCOME WAGON
A dentist and his wife who had recently moved to Pasco, Washington were arrested after police were tipped off to a stash of marijuana in their bedroom. The informant was their 16-year-old son, who hadn't wanted to move to the northwest from New York.
It was a bad day for a would-be bank robber in Aldergrove, B.C. Customers watched the crook don his disguise while he was in line. When he demanded cash from the teller, they jumped him. Police arrived instantly - the bank was next to a station house.
An 18-year-old admitted he stole 87-thousand pennies from a Logan, Utah middle school Red Cross drive. There was so much publicity in the case, it was easy to find a suspect who was buying things around town with huge amounts of pennies. And the publicity led to donations to the Red Cross totaling 52-hundred-dollars...mostly in pennies!
HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS
On a mild September day in Oslo, Norway, Stian Vestlie's car was stolen. On a snowy day three months later, he found a note on his front porch telling him where his car was parked. The crook signed the note with the greeting "Merry Christmas"...and a smiley-face.
Cawayne Brown shouldn't have waved to a cop he knew in Wilmington, Delaware. The bright red color of his hand gave him away as a bank robbery suspect who'd had a dye pack explode in his bag of loot.
Troy, New York police showed up at a concrete company with some bad news. One of the company's unattended trucks rolled across the street and sank into the Hudson River. When police arrived, the company was in the middle of a safety meeting.
LEAVING WITH NO MEMORIES
On the last day of work, Melissa Decker deleted all the files from her company's computer. She claimed she did it to clear the memory for her replacement. But an Omaha businessman says the erasure threw his company into chaos. The court ordered Decker to pay damages.
Creighton Alsis was charged with holding up a check-cashing store in downtown Seattle after his best friend gave him up. Alsis allegedly left his dog tied up outside the store, planning to return for it after he stashed the booty. But police arrested the perp at home, using the name and address on the dog's name tag.
PURSE BECOMES TIME CAPSULE
Marti Pastore of Erie, Pennsylvania is thrilled that someone returned her purse. She lost it 49 years ago! It still contained her 1950 driver's license and a thin gold pencil - because she didn't like that new invention, the ball point pen.
SLOW BOAT TO PRISON
Danny and Carrie Crawford of Springfield, Illinois were easy to convict for bank robbery. The couple pulled the heist in a car with personalized plates and made their escape on a very slow ferryboat. By the time they checked into a hotel, Danny Crawford's mother had heard from the police. She tracked down her son and daughter-in-law and dragged them off to the sheriff's office.
THE ART OF ROBBERY
A Durham, North Carolina bank teller gave up the cash when a robbery suspect drew a gun - literally. Police say the perp went to the check-writing counter and drew a realistic picture of a gun on a piece of paper and showed it to the teller, demanding money. The teller says the drawing was very artistic.
The warden at New Jersey's Middlesex County Prison says inmates have had enough punishment for trying to make bootleg booze from rotted bread and fruit. They all became violently ill drinking the concoction...which amounted to nothing more but rotted bread and fruit.
"CAN YOU TELL ME HOW TO GET TO A GETAWAY FREEWAY?"
Three Minnesota men flagged down Marietta, Georgia police to ask for directions. Police turned up data that their car was stolen. Inside the car they found CD players, amplifiers, car phones, credit cards and other items stolen from the parking lot at Disney World 500 miles away.
DEAD IN THE BED
Victoria, B.C. police had no problem pinning the fatal hit-and-run of a bicyclist on a pickup truck driver. First, witness accounts led them to the driver's house. Second, the suspect was unaware that the bicyclist's body was in the back of his truck.
A LOT OF POT
Acting on a tip, Shelbyville, Tennessee police found 11 marijuana plants growing in their own parking lot. Police figure some seeds must have fallen from a drug task force truck once parked there.
FOUND BY AN ANGEL
15-year-old Angel Teta lives up to her first name. She found 4000-dollars in a bag by the roadway, and used the business card inside to track down its owner. A Florida man had left the deposit bag on the roof of his car in a supermrket parking lot.
MODERN PANTY RAID
Lawton, Oklahoma police answered a call that two men were stealing panties from a mall store. They gave chase when they saw a pair of red panties sticking out of a man's pants. His accomplice had 10 pairs of panties fall from his shirt when police patted him down.
Philadelphia police lost track while chasing a Neiman Marcus robbery suspect, mistakenly persuing the wrong gray car. The driver of the wrong car freaked out and sped to a river bank and jumped in ... because he didn't have a valid driver's license.
RIGHT COAT, WRONG TIME
Thieves in Santa Fe picked the wrong time to try and sell a stolen coat. They approached New Mexico's top cop on his way into a crimefighting seminar for officers from throughout the state. Darren White says when he told them who he was, they had that deer-in-the-headlights look.
BANK ROBBER DEFLATED
A flat tire was the undoing of a bank robber in suburban Nashville. Before police could catch up with him, he changed tires and discarded the flat by the roadside. Written on the inside of the rim by a mechanic was "hold for Ely MacArthur". Police found the stolen loot in the home of Ely MacArthur a mile from where he'd changed the tire.
BOUNCING THE BULLY
A schoolyard bully in East Hartford, Connecticut had been terrorizing a retarded student by stealing his lunch money. So the student's mom marked his bills, then made the principal call the bully into the office later that day - where the evidence led to charges of larceny, extortion and assault.
IT'S THE REAL THING
A multi-agency operation to break up a fake moon rock scam has led to a big surprise - a real piece of lunar rock. Customs investigators have turned up a chunk of moon rock that had been swiped from the government of Honduras by a military officer.
For a day, plainclothes police in Troy, Michigan followed people to the court parking lot after their licenses were suspended by a judge. 9 of them were re-arrested after attempting to drive their cars home. This time, police impounded their cars, too.
Gary Davis walked away from a jail in Sulphur Springs, Texas. Authorities don't know where he is...but they know he's OK. He had the courtesy to call and apologize and to let the warden know he had no hard feelings. His call was too brief to trace.
TIPSY IN YPSALANTI
First Ypsalanti, Michigan police stopped a man for speeding. Second, they nailed him for drunk driving. Third, they found marijuana in his car. But the suspect just couldn't help getting into even more trouble. When officers later frisked him, they discovered he'd stolen a pair of handcuffs from the cruiser that transported him to jail.
A BORING CASSETTE COLLECTION, PERHAPS?
It wasn't too difficult for Prague police to arrest the man who broke into Igor Czevek's car. The crook yanked out a cassette player, then fell asleep across the front seat of the car.
WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT
A Seoul, South Korea bank robber didn't get the cowering tellers he expected. Two female tellers sprayed the suspect with mace and pelted him with heavy books and waste baskets, sending him fleeing out of the bank empty-handed.
THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM
The Rock Hall, Maryland city council has fired its police chief because the chief said he dreamed some council members were trapped in a burning building. Former chief Kevin Winstead's lawyer says the real reason is the chief's drug crackdown - which resulted in the arrests of some council members' nephews.
HONESTY PAID BACK FOURFOLD
A 13-year-old Hawthorne, California girl found 240-dollars on a counter in a bank, and did the right thing. She turned the money over to police. After coverage in the local news, citizens donated 1000-dollars to reward her.
CAMEROON KANGAROO CHICKEN COURT
A Yaounde, Cameroon man caught stealing a chicken was sentenced on the spot by a mob of angry farmers. The rustler was forced to eat the bird...meat, feathers, bones and beak. He then walked into the local police station and collapsed and died.
A married couple who operate a Newcastle, England flower shop have been accused of stealing wreaths from a local cemetery. Among the booty confiscated at their house by police was a stack of condolence cards, one of which read "To Uncle Jim, goodbye and God bless" in a child's handwriting.
CAN WE GET SOME MORE TONER ON THIS CELLBLOCK?
U.S. Marshals rearrested a bank robber who faked his way out of a Rhode Island prison. Officials say Scott Hansen created phony discharge papers on a prison computer, which the warden unknowingly signed.
A woman tried to sell an African Goldwing parrot to a man at an Omaha bar. The man declined, saying he had a parrot just like it at home. But when he got home, he found his house had been broken into and his parrot was gone. Police were able to arrest the woman, who was still at the bar trying to sell the bird.
NO FRILLS VACATION
Prisoners in Santa Clara County, California have lost their perks. Cigarettes have been banned. The prison now charges for coffee. Sugar will be no longer handed out. Corrections Chief Tim Ryan says if inmates don't like it, "They don't have to come back."
PUT DOWN ELMO AND RAISE YOUR RIGHT HAND
The Deputy State Jury Commissioner in Massachussetts has yet to straighten out the records on Emilee Nicolas - who keeps getting summoned for jury duty. Emilee is only three years old, and has been warned she faces a two-thousand-dollar fine if she fails to appear. A glitch in the database reports she was born in 1965, and officials won't accept a note from mom.
THANKS FOR CALLING
A Westerly, Rhode Island woman told police she'd never forget the voice of man who terrorized and assaulted her. Imagine her surprise when she heard that voice again on a radio talk show while driving through Hartford, Connecticut. Police arrested the suspect using long-distance phone records.
"STAR WARS" OR "ABBEY ROAD?"
Used record albums, 2 dollars. Used laser disc movies, 10 dollars. A man who paid 30 dollars for 15 albums in a Portland, Oregon store had stashed laser disc movies in the album covers. When the shop owner discovered the switch a few days later, the crook wasn't hard to find. He'd paid with a valid check bearing his name, address and driver's license number.
DO THEY STRAP THE HUNTERS TO THEIR CRUISER'S HOODS?
Game Wardens in Indiana are using deer to bag hunters. Mechanical Robo Deer have been set up along highways to catch hunters who illegally fire at deer from their moving cars. Violators face hefty fines...and have to pay for refurbishing the robots.
MILWAUKEE'S OLDEST FINEST
Milwaukee's oldest cop has no plans to retire. He's one of the best shots on the force. He won the Top Gun Award in a recent police shooting competition. Lieutenant Andy Anewenter is 82 years old.
NOT DRESSED FOR SUCCESS
The parolee who robbed a Green Oak, Michigan gas station was easily tracked down. Security cameras showed him wearing a jacket bearing the logo of his former employer. It was the place he worked before serving a term for armed robbery.
A postal worker in Fife, Scotland may have been the subject of some pranksters at St. Andrew's Medical University. When emptying a mailbox, he found a severed human hand.
SWATTED ON THE FLY
A man at a Fresno, California mall was caught trying to exchange stolen goods for a cash refund. He bolted from the store and ran right into a SWAT Team drill in the parking lot, where he was easily subdued by 12 police officers.
Two very scruffy looking men used a stolen credit card to buy 170-dollars worth of mouthwash, deodorant, shaving cream and soap at a Colorado Springs Wal-Mart. Police are now looking for two clean-shaven, good-smelling suspects.
A Midland, Ontario man found his possessions strewn about his cottage, so he called police to report a burglary. Officers soon had the suspect in custody - but they won't be filing charges. The cottage was trashed by a squirrel.
BEATER VS. BEATER
It was a kind of low-speed chase. Kingwood, West Virginia Police Captain Dale Davis had a cruiser with a slipping transmission and smoke coming from under the hood when he tried to persue a drunk-driving suspect. The car he was chasing wasn't in very good shape, either, and its starter assembly fell out. Eventually, James Johnston was charged with driving drunk and reckless driving.
MY, THAT FIRE TRUCK GOT HERE FAST!
Nine firefighters in Lexington, Virginia have been charged with - of all things - 41 counts of arson. It seems the county bases funding on the fire calls received, and they were allegedly trying to drum up business.
MAN, IS HIS FACE RED
Workers at an Atlanta movie theater called police when a man payed for admission and popcorn with bright red 50-dollar bills. Police arrested David Flood for a bank heist in which the money was rigged with an exploding dye pack.
THEY CALL HIM "DESINEX DAVE"
David Donathon of Medina, Ohio was recently released from jail after serving a sentence for making perverted phone calls. On his first day out, he was back at it...calling up people and asking if their feet stink. He's headed back to jail for another year on telephone harrassment charges.
GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL. DO NOT PASS "GO".
A burglar in Belleville, Illinois was breaking into cars and leaving Monopoly money in place of the items he'd steal. When police arrested Andrew Dunlap they say he was wearing a stolen coat, carried a stolen wallet, and had a wad of Monopoly money in his pocket.
A Boulder, Colorado man was awakened by his car horn. After looking out his window at his car, he called Animal Control instead of police...there was a giant bear in his car. A game warden says the bear was probably attracted by fast-food wrappers left in the car.
ARE YOU ON DRUGS OR SOMETHING?
Three international drug smugglers are off to jail in London after an embarrassing arrest. While police were tailing a truck carrying 10-million dollars worth of heroin, the smugglers drove into a tunnel too small for a truck. With a stuck truck, police simply sealed off both ends of the tunnel and made their arrests.
HIGH AND ALMOST FLYING
Luz Arce will now think twice about driving drunk. The Tampa woman made a series of wrong turns on the way home from a party, and found herself on a very big road facing a very large piece of oncoming traffic. When authorities arrested her, she was on a runway face-to-face with a 737.
BUT HOW DO THEY RUN THE FINGERPRINTS?
San Salvador police promise they'll get the burglars who stole all the computers and electronic equipment from a large inner-city operation. Especially since that operation is the San Salvador Police Criminal Investigation Headquarters.
DUST IN THE WIND
Residents of the posh Venice-on-the-Bay, Maryland tell police they're sick of beach trespassers ruining their hoity-toity garden parties. The riff-raff are spreading the ashes of loved ones on the beach...on windy days.
A CROOK BY ANY OTHER NAME...
A man who stole the identity and social security number of a dead man shouldn't have tried to open an account at a bank in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. His assumed identity turned out to be that of the teller's late husband!
©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.