©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.
SEA OF BLUE
After robbing 800 dollars from people on a Rio de Janeiro bus, the thief jumped off where 410 police officers had gathered for a ceremony. The commander abandoned the podium to join in the chase, which ended when the thief was captured trying to escape on another bus.
LIFE IMITATES ART
70 film extras in Moracco who were supposed to portray illegal immigrants became the real thing. They abandoned the movie set and fled to Spain across the Strait Of Gibralter in rickety movie prop boats.
IT AIN'T MUCH, BUT IT'S MINE
A 69-year-old Milwaukee man was treated for a minor heart ailment after chasing down a mugger. The large crook had put Joe Balistreri in a bear hug and stolen his wallet. Balistreri chased the perp, knocked him down and held him until police arrived. There were 4 dollars in the wallet.
HOW DO I GET TO JAIL?
A man who unsuccessfully attempted to rob a Greenland, New Hampshire post office didn't make a clean getaway - witnesses got his license plate number. Minutes later, the suspect's car was found outside the local police station, where he'd stopped to ask for directions. He was arrested at the sergeant's desk.
The case of a man arrested for stealing food from a pasta shop in Italy made for an unusual headline. Stefano Spaghetti was accused of stealing from a Balogna tortellini shop: Spaghetti Arrested For Stealing Tortellini in Balogna.
THEY'RE REGISTERED AT PETsMART
A priest in West Bengal, India was arrested for performing a wedding ceremony between a 4-year-old girl and a stray dog. The girl's father said the ceremony would transfer the evil effects of Saturn from the girl to the dog. The father was arrested, too.
An enraged passenger attempting to commandeer a bus in Palestine, Texas caused it to crash. The Texas Rangers said the suspect unsuccessfully tried to carjack a minivan to escape the scene. He was found hiding in a nearby swamp. Authorities said Richard Clarkson became upset on the bus because another passenger asked him to put out his cigarette.
GIVE HIM THE CHAIR
A bank president in Worthington, Ohio was coming out of his office and noticed a robbery was taking place. He grabbed a chair and bashed the would-be bandit and chased him out the door. Police caught up with the suspect because the banker chased him to his car and got his license plate number.
PENNIES FROM HEAVEN?
A Janesville, Wisconsin woman was puzzled when the state of Minnesota mailed her mother a sales tax rebate check for 95 dollars. Her mother had never lived in Minnesota ... and had been dead for three years.
STUCK ON YOU
Police in Camp Hill, Pennsylvania reported that a 16-year-old girl superglued her 21-year-old boyfriend's private part to his stomach. She reportedly wanted to punish him for infidelity. A Camp Hill sergeant says she whipped out the superglue during an intimate encounter on a sofa. She was charged with simple assault.
KIDS THESE DAYS
The Pennsylvania Commonwealth Court ruled that a web site soliciting a hit man wasn't protected by free speech. An eighth-grader had appealed his expulsion for his internet page which displayed his principal's severed head accompanied by an offer to pay for her murder.
THE JOKE ON THE CARD WAS SOOOO BAD...
A candidate for L.A. County District Attorney sent a talking card to a Superior Court judge as an invitation to a political fundraiser. Unfortunately, a metal detector at the courthouse showed the small package contained batteries, circuits and wires, so the Sheriff's Department's bomb squad blew it up.
A man in Herstal, Belgium was killed by his own Pit Bull. Police said the dog - named Tyson - attacked his 28-year-old owner because he made brisk moves while getting out of bed.
A train conductor in Osaka, Japan told everyone on the platform to get on the train - but couldn't manage to get aboard himself. When the train pulled out without him, he jumped into a cab a raced the train to the next stop.
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT...
One detective testified that John Saunders' walk looked like an old outlaw who left his horse behind. Saunders' silly walk - a bow-legged gate on rubbery legs - led to his conviction of robbing several jewelry stores in England over a period of 18 months.
THE TIPS ARE GOOD
A retired usher denied a newspaper report that he made a fortune finding unused seats for people at the La Scala opera house in Milan. The paper said Giovanni Rocco's estate was worth more than 6 million dollars.
COPS AND COURT CONNED
A woman accused of fraud apparently used her conning skills during her Boston-area court hearing. Officials say she escaped by urinating on the floor and claiming her water had broken. The heavyset woman was eventually recaptured at a friend's apartment, and failed a court-ordered pregnancy test.
BEACH BUM BONANZA
A homeless man who spent 20 years in the streets was given a break on some minor charges by Long beach, California officials. Vagrancy-related charges were dropped against Steven Kent and he was given bus fare to Ohio so he could claim a 300-hundered-thousand-dollar inheritance.
YOUNG FOR HER AGE, ISN'T SHE, WARDEN?
A Bangkok woman arrested on a drug charge was supposed to be in prison. But officals discovered that her daughter was serving the 4-year sentence for her. The daughter was charged with fraud and faced a real jail term of 5 years.
NOT QUITE HITTING THE FAN
A man upset with a sewer line problem brought his woes to the Delta, Iowa city council - literally. Police say Michael Murphy slammed a five-gallon bucket of human feces and urine down on the table where council members were sitting, splattering some of them. He was charged with one count of assault for each person splattered, criminal mischief and improper disposal of hazardous waste.
A BIT OF A STRETCH
The Sacramento County Sheriff's Department says it wasn't hard to arrest an 18-year-old who allegedly robbed tellers and a vault at a Bank of America branch. The department says Alexander Jenkins III used a stretch limousine as a getaway car.
LAUNDRY ROOM JAIL
A Somerset, England housewive held a washing machine repairman hostage until the company vowed to replace her machine. The new machine has repeatedly failed to work since she'd bought it, and service people couldn't fix it. Police assured Therese O'Dell she'd get a replacement machine and not be charged if she unlocked the laundry room where she had imprisoned the repairman. A new machine arrived the next day - which also failed to work properly.
GIVE IT UP
Constable Jerry Robertson of the York, Ontario police advised a 20-year-old robbery suspect to give up his life of crime because he's simply too stupid. Police said Shane Carson failed at his first two armed robbery attempts because his imitation gun looked too fake. Constable Robertson says when Carson succeeded at a third robbery attempt, he crashed a stolen van into a ditch during the getaway. Carson was on parole for a robbery conviction in which his victim had overpowered him and turned him in to police.
Scotland Yard found a crop of marijuana growing right outside the Houses of Parliament. Police theorized they were planted by anarchists during a Parliament Square demonstration.
NO, IT WAS YOU
A woman being extradited from Kalispell, Montana to New York City dropped her pants as she was being led from the courtroom. The judge and the public defender both thought she was mooning the other.
AUTHORITIES BUTT IN
Police in Attleboro, Massachusetts broke up an S&M party and arrested one of the participants for assault with a deadly weapon. Stefany Reed was allegedly spanking another woman's backside with a paddle. Prosecutors said a person can't consent to being assaulted for pleasure under state law.
UNIDENTIFIED FALLING OBJECT
A Rotterdam, New York man's Hyundai was struck by a piece of hot metal which fell from the sky. The 4-by-4-inch chunk - suspected to be an airplane part - bent the roof, shattered the back window and dented the trunk. Coincidentally, the car was parked at a body shop.
SUSPECT EASILY FINGERED
A man stealing carpentry equipment in southeast Spain accidentally severed his finger and gave up on the heist. But he left his finger at the scene. Police kept the finger as evidence and arrested a suspect when he showed up at a local hospital.
A man visiting Ocean City, Maryland insisted that a friend punch him in the chest to stop a case of the hiccups. The treatment worked. Joshua Burchette collapsed on the sidewalk and died.
TELLIN' IT LIKE IT IS
The Missouri Highway Department thought it would diffuse some of the stress associated with traffic delays due to construction. Drivers approaching some projects are warned by a flashing sign, Road work ahead. Prepare to be annoyed.
WHO'S SUIN' WHO?
69-year-old Joseph Pileggi of Akron, Ohio thought he married 83-year-old Ducile Palermo. But three years after the wedding, he found a wedding license which showed he had married her 61-year-old daughter, Carli Buchanan, instead. Pileggi sued Buchanan for an annulment and Palermo for fraud. Buchanan sued Pileggi seeking divorce and spousal support. Palermo sued Pileggi for half of his home, claiming it was her reward for living with him.
JUSHT A LITTLE
Audrey Kishline wrote a book claiming that alcoholics can drink in moderation. 6 years after Moderate Drinking created a controversy, Kishline pleaded guilty to killing a man and his 12-year-old daughter while driving drunk. Kishine said her moderate drinking program was just a way for her to deny her alcohol problem.
DUCT TAPE: USE #1003
A primary school teacher in Argentina was investigated after gagging 70 students with adhesive tape. She wanted to keep the chatty 7-year-olds quiet during rehearsals for a ceremony. Some parents complained, but others said she had a great idea.
A man who robbed a bank in Plantation, Florida was arrested quickly after leaving some evidence behind. Police said he dropped his business card and a blank check on the floor before fleeing the scene.
GRASS FOR GAS
Deputies in South Dakota arrested four travelers who tried to make an unusual deal. Minnehaha County Sheriff's Sergeant Pete Jaros says the quartet offered to trade marijuana for gas.
THE TALK OF THE ER
A 24-year-old man was admitted into a Grand Rapids hospital with a tarantula bite. On his penis. The Itasca County Sheriff's department says Aaron Jarva admitted he had been taking crystal meth.
DO AS WE SAY, NOT AS WE DO
Colfax, Washington firefighters stood by helplessly as their fire station went up in flames. The building had no smoke alarms because the fire engines' diesel fuel would set them off. But it didn't have any sprinklers, either.
You might call them serial cereal robberies. Bandits in Dallas repeatedly stole breakfast cereal from boxcars in a railroad yard. In a 90-day period, 100 cases of Corn Flakes, Apple Jacks and Frosted Flakes were pilfered.
LOOK OUT BELOW
Placer County, California Sheriff's Lieutenant Rick Armstrong said a 17-year-old who tried to emulate the infamous Rooftop Robber was too stupid to pull it off. First, he dropped through the roof into a store that had bars on the doors and windows and became trapped. So he went into the next store over through the ceiling and fell 20 feet to the floor.
FREE FARES TODAY
A man who stole a bus from the municipal garage in Aurora, Colorado traveled the city picking up passengers. The bus was tracked down using its satellite navigation system. The driver escaped on foot when confronted by transportation authorities.
PLEASE KEEP YOUR BELTS FASTENED
A Norwegian airline says a fashion craze has been threatening airline safety. Teenagers have been stealing seat belts from jetliners and using them to hold up their baggy pants.
E.T. PHONE HOME ... CHEAP!
California state auditors said free phone service given to Steven Spielberg and other celebrities violates state regulations. GTE Corporation apologized to the Public Utilities Commission for what it called blatant breakdowns in judgement at its L.A. offices.
YOUR SINGING IS KILLING ME
A Thai police officer admitted he killed one man and attempted to shoot another at a Bangkok restaurant. Lieutenant Jirawat Swangworn said the man and his friend heckled him while he was trying to sing the same song for the third time at the karaoke bar.
HERE I AM!
A convicted felon who was illegally carrying a weapon attracted the attention of Milwaukee's top cop. Chief Arthur Jones pulled over the suspect for blasting music on his car stereo. A search of his car revealed a loaded Tec-9 semiautomatic handgun.
A vigilante mob in a southern Mexico village mistook a man who was visiting his fiancée's parents for man who had robbed a local store. The townspeople tied Augustin Lopez to a pole and beat and stoned him to death.
WARM FAMILY GLOW
A man and two of his children died in Mit Halfa, Egypt after handling a radioactive cylinder the family had found. Other members of the household had been rendered critically ill. Authorities said the 2¼-inch-long device was a piece of medical equipment.
JUST SAY GO
Maryland requires volunteer service for high school graduation. So some seniors at Walter Johnson High in Bethesda signed up to work for the Marijuana Policy Project. The school approved. The students are helping the group's efforts to legalize pot.
Morton, Illinois police found themselves with a property room full of heavy, 4½-foot-tall garden gnomes. Police Chief Nick Graff said they were found dumped in two places in the town, probably by teenaged thieves. Graff said the sight of the cache was one of the funniest he's ever seen in his 25 years in law enforcement.
A couple vacationing in their motorhome in Horsford, England thought their TV antenna had fallen down when they heard a big clunk on the roof. Then, it began to smell. The van was covered with hundreds of pounds of human excrement and toilet paper ... which police speculate was discharged from an airliner.
If you're going to travel cross-country with 8 thousand dollars worth of marijuana, you shouldn't arouse suspicion. A deputy thought it was odd to see a taxi with California plates tooling through Shawnee County, Kansas. The passenger, who had hired the cab from L.A. to Cincinnati, was allegedly carrying a TV set containing the pot.
CAUGHT HOLDING THE BAG
Baton Rouge, Louisiana police caught a bank robber who was standing outside the bank holding the bag of stolen cash. Police said the robbery took longer than planned, and the crook's accomplices took off with the getaway car.
CAUGHT BY THE LONG CLAW OF THE LAW
Two decorated navy divers were convicted of poaching a hundred pounds of lobsters off the coast of Nova Scotia. Military prosecutor Capt. Nancy Koppang said the incident took place during a government dispute over fishing rights with the lobster industry.
Four employees of a Wendy's in Union, Ohio were arrested for selling marijuana out of the restaurant. Police said customers would phone ahead and pick up the pot with their food orders at the drive-up window.
NOT A SMILEY FACE
A Sunday school teacher sued the Wal-Mart in Walpole, Massachusetts, claiming that the official people greeter humiliated her in public. 72-year-old Mary Ball said she had nightmares for months after the greeter accused her of stealing and searched her shopping cart.
RESTING IN PEACE
A 77-year-old woman threatened to sue a hospital in South Shields, England after a nurse mistakenly told her gathered family that her husband had died of a stroke. The grief-stricken family called relatives to tell them the news while the patient was alive and well several yards away. Twenty minutes later, the nurse returned to apologize, saying she must have picked up the patient's roomate's file.
ON A SOUR NOTE...
A concert violinist sued a Chicago Marshall Field store after allegedly being roughed up by security guards who thought she had stolen the shirt she was wearing. The store later released her and apologized, but Sando Shia claimed her wrist and elbow were injured by the guards, leaving her unable to play the violin.
CRUISIN' WITH MUSCLE
The North Carolina Highway Patrol said crooks had figured out that they can speed away from the force's Ford Crown Victorias. So the patrol decided to switch to Chevy Camaros.. They can accelerate twice as fast as the Crown Vics and easily do 160.
A motorcycle courier zipping along England's M-65 Motorway didn't realize his cargo was leaking as he left a trail of hundreds of pound notes. Police in Lancashire said that luckily, the motorists following him picked up all the money, flagged him down and returned it. The cyclist was carrying about 10 thousand pounds.
TESTING 1, 2, 3
It took no time for the switchboards to light up when Canada's Prince Edward Island fired up its new 911 emergency service. Of the first 300 calls that came in, only 60 were legitimate emergencies. The other 240 were people calling to see if the system was working.
GOLDILOCKS & FRIENDS
Gaston County, North Carolina police got a call saying a bear cub had been spotted in a car. When police traced the license plate to a local home, they found a 20-pound female baby bear playing with several unattended children. A Wildlife Commission spokesperson says the cub was cute as a button and looked like a living teddy bear as it ate a chocolate bar. The bear was taken to an animal shelter.
WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT
Two customers thrwarted a bank robbery attempt in Madison, Wisconsin. When a masked thief approached a teller with a kitchen knife, Kenneth Green-Young threw the cordon pole at him, knocking him down and sending the knife flying out of his hand. When the suspect ran for an exit, Dennis Rowe threw a folding chair into his legs knocking him down again. The pair sat on the thief until police arrived.
TOEING THE LINE
A Central Point, Oregon police officer was arrested for allegedly attempting to forcibly suck the toes of two women. Police Chief Mike Sweeny said officer Ken Marksbury had successfully passed a background check when he had joined the department a year earlier. Marksbury had no history of similar behavior.
PETA, PETA, ANIMAL EATER
A federal judge in Norfolk, Virginia ordered a web site operator to give up the domain name PETA.org, agreeing with People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals that it infringed on their trademark. Michael Dougherty had put up a parody site on which his PETA stood for People Eating Tasty Animals.
RED, WHITE AND BLUES
A Grayslake, Illinois man was fined 100 dollars and put under 90-days court supervision for proudly flying his American flag. Thomas LaBarbera's neighbors had complained over a three-year period that the flag was too noisy as it flapped and clanked in the wind. Eventually, police cited him for disturbing the peace.
I AM A ROCK, I AM AN ISLAND
Three teenaged vandals disconnected a footbridge over a 60-foot canyon on Oregon's High Rock Loop hiking trail. But county deputies say they failed to realize the bridge was before the loop - and the only way to get off the island rock onto which they'd hiked. They were rescued by helicopter and charged with felony destruction of public property and endangerment.
FOUR STRIKES AND YOU'RE OUT
Las Vegas police gave a car thief a taste of his own medicine. Realizing the suspect was driving a car stolen from a dealership, police obtained the key from the dealer and took it back. Then they tailed the perp to another dealership where he stole a pickup truck. They obtained a key to the truck and took it back while the suspect was in a pawnshop. The perp then took a bus to a Toyota dealership and stole an SUV, and police arrested him. He was released after agreeing to help police with another case and promising not to steal anymore cars. Hours later, he was arrested for stealing a minivan from another dealership. Police booked him on four counts of grand theft auto.
WHO'S GOT THE HACKSAW?
Robbers in Cordoba, Argentina had a tough truck - they used it to rip an ATM machine out of a bank wall and drag it 200 yards. But they must have forgotten their tools - they couldn't get the cash out of the machine. Police found the ATM abandoned in the middle of the road with its money intact.
FLUSHED WITH EMBARRASSMENT
It's bad enough to lose your keys down a portable toilet, but things can get much worse if you try to retrieve them. A man in Lower Merion Township, Pennsylvania found himself stuck up to his hips in a Porta-Johnny's lower chamber. He'd taken off his pants, socks and shoes. Most of the unit was destroyed in the effort by an emergency crew to remove him. Once at the hospital, doctors had to break away the toilet seat, which was wedged around his torso.
GOT SOME BONDO FOR MY BITE MARK?
State police were summoned to a traffic jam caused by an alligator in Ajax, Louisiana. When a unit arrived, a truck driver was in the middle of the road, holding the gator by its tail. Trooper Steve Childers ordered the driver to release it, and it made a sharp turn and took a chunk out of the cruiser's fender before wandering off.
A 31-year-old man awaiting a kidney transplant died after an Illinois organ bank sent a heart instead. The kidney had gone to a heart research laboratory.
A British tourist sneaked his deep sea fishing catch into his Vilamoura, Portugal hotel room - only to find out it was still alive. When the man checked out, the staff was left to deal with a live shark in a bath tub.
A Rochester, England couple returned from their honeymoon to find that their best man had repainted the outside of their house ... with tiger stripes. After the initial shock wore off, the couple told a local paper they were considering keeping the pattern because it was so well done.
10-year-old Maranda Cleveland wasted no time when she saw a 4-year-old boy's body at the bottom of the pool in her apartment complex. She dove in and brought the boy's body to the surface. When her dad noticed what was happening, he performed mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and restored the boy's breathing. Hopkins, Minnesota police sergeant Tom Lorentz says Maranda's calmness and action made her a true hero.
TUSKS R US
Burglars in Banff, Alberta stole a 30-thousand-year-old ivory tusk from a gallery. Then they took it to a company in Calgary and tried to sell it for 40 grand. Coincidentally, the company was the one that had supplied it to the gallery. They promptly notified police.
BOATFUL OF ANGELS
A man who tried to end his life by leaping from a bridge in Portland, Oregon said he realized he made a mistake as soon as he jumped. Luckily, a boating team made up of people who had cheated death was on the river below. Dale Buttonhoff was rescued by nine women who had survived breast cancer.
SIGN OF THE TIMES?
A 16-year-old boy said he was walking down a street practicing sign language with his deaf cousin, when gang members drove by and shot him, mistaking his signs for gang signals. Fort Worth police said the boy later admitted making up the story because the cousin accidentally shot him.
MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME
A Newton County, Georgia woman returned home from vacation to find that her neighbors had allegedly helped themselves to dozens of items from her duplex. Pilfered were food, cleaning supplies, appliances and a drawer full of underwear.
TOLD YA SO
After having his meager pension cut off, an 87-year-old Bogata man spent hours in line at a government office trying to prove that he was still alive. Before he reached his turn at the counter, he collapsed and died.
Vandals who did 40-thousand-dollars damage to a construction site in Queensbury, New York weren't hard to find. Police say the juveniles - who lived nearby - carved their initials in wet cement.
ART: SUBJECTIVE OR OBJECTIVE?
Dawn Hunter's class mural at Ferris High in Spokane took 60 hours to create. Titled "Love The World," it depicted a heart with the world inside it, trimmed with sparks and shooting stars. School district workers, however, thought it was graffiti and erased it from the school wall.
Tommy Lee Burch of Burlington, Iowa allegedly got plastered in a tavern, then was refused service at a nearby liquor store. Police were summoned and arrested Burch for driving while drunk ... in his wheelchair.
YOU'RE NOT MAD ARE YA, MOM?
A Nairobi, Kenya woman was arrested for critically injuring her son because he ate some fish that had been planned for dinner. Police said the 46-year-old woman caned him, tied his hands with dried grass, doused him with gasoline, set fire to him, and chopped off four of his fingers with a machete.
NOT A GHOST
A man in Swindon, England called police after he noticed that things like food and spare change were disappearing from his home every day. Authorities found out that his former border - who had been thrown out for refusing to pay rent - had sneaked back into the house and had set up living quarters in the attic.
THERE SHE GOES...
Mrs. Commerce City, Colorado had her crown taken away after pageant officials learned she owed thousands of dollars in child support to her former husband. Further investigation showed her current husband had a police record that included arrests for child sex assault, drunk driving and domestic violence.
WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE
Police in Pembroke, Massachusetts were left scratching their heads after the theft of some equipment from a church fair. Thieves disassembled and carted off a 40-foot-wide Ferris Wheel.
MAKE THAT HELLO
A SWAT team descended on a commercial jet at an airport in Oakland, Michigan after the controllers heard what they thought was a hijacking in the background during the pilot's request for takeoff. Police lieutenant Rick Crigger says there was a man on the plane named Jack and someone walked aboard and said, Hi, Jack!
Police in Hesse, Germany busted one of their superiors after he was accused of shoplifting by department store detectives. Police say the lieutenant - who was in charge of 300 officers - stole a bottle of ant poison while he was in uniform. He bolted and led officers on a brief foot chase when they arrived to arrest him.
TRICK TRUCK'S TRANNY TROUBLE
A thief must have been suffering the effects of sleep deprivation when he stole a pickup truck from a North Platte, Nebraska auto repair shop. First, the truck he chose to steal hadn't been repaired, and its transmission gave out four miles away. Second, a sheriff's deputy found the thief sleeping in the pickup by the side of the highway.
BEATEN WITH BABIES
13 Gypsy women were collared for a series of gang attacks and robberies in Ploiesti, Romania. When police attempted to take them into custody, the women stripped naked and beat the officers with their babies. A Gypsy culture expert says the stripping was an attempt to shame the officers, but offered no reason why they'd use their infants as clubs.
SEE YA LATER, ALLIGATOR
A firefighter in Sparks, Nevada who was checking an apartment for a water leak peeked into a bathroom ... only to have an alligator slam the door shut with its tail. Tenant Cynthia Rully was caring for the giant reptile while the local zoo was repairing its cage. Rully was cited for not having an exotic animal permit when officials also found pythons, an iguana, tarantulas and rats in her apartment.
The California Public Utilities Commission ordered Pacific Bell and Cox Communications to recall 400 thousand phone books. The White Pages contained the numbers and addresses of 12 thousand customers who were supposed to be unlisted.
A 34-year-old suspect who was accused of robbing elderly people was kept in handcuffs by Feltonville, Pennsylvania police after trying to eat evidence. Police say Brian James tried to destroy his fingerprints by gnawing them off.
A Howard, Pennsylvania couple were jarred awake by loud, strange noises in their house. A deer had crashed through a screen door. The animal managed to turn on a bath faucet, knock over a bottle of bubble bath and submerge itself in the tub. Animal Control officers burst into laughter when they saw a deer taking a bubble bath. They eventually subdued it and released it into the wild.
©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.