©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.
HI IN THE SKY
Authorities in Seattle had no trouble finding the vandals who used pink insulation to spell out the names Will, Sal and Jeff on the roof of the city's new baseball stadium. The perps were the roofers on the project ... Will, Sal and Jeff.
A 24-year-old San Diego man was arrested for assaulting his girlfriend ... with a tuna fish. Domestic violence unit spokesman Jim Barker said the 10-pound fish was already dead, so no additional charges of animal cruelty were filed.
TRIPPING OFF TO JAIL
After his son came home naked and driving a stranger's car, a Ridgefield, Connecticut man turned him into the police. Officials said the 18-year-old had been tripping on hallucinogenic mushrooms and stole the car after friends abandoned him naked in the woods. The dad hoped the arrest would teach his son a lesson.
SHEDDING SOME LIGHT ON TEENAGE DRINKING
Deputies in Douglas County, Oregon tried out a new kind of electronic flashlight which detects alcohol on the breath. Within a month, they'd cited more than 40 teenagers for underage drinking.
BIG & TALL PRISONER
The trial of a suspected drug dealer was rescheduled in Durham, North Carolina because the defendant couldn't fit into his street clothes. Wade Remington benefited from prison food ... gaining 50 pounds while awaiting his trial.
HOW 'BOUT SOME HOOPS OUT IN THE YARD?
If you're vacationing in Iowa, you'll want to avoid that place on the state map called the Fort Dodge Recreational Facility. It's a misprint. It should read Fort Dodge Correctional Facility.
DID I MAKE IT BACK BEFORE LAST CALL?
Reykjavik, Iceland police pulled over a swerving driver and determined he was drunk, so they sent him home in a taxi. About 90 minutes later, the same officers spotted another swerving car, only to discover it was the same man. They took him off to jail.
MAKING LEMONS OUT OF LEMONADE
A pair of teenage gangstas picked the wrong 11-year-old to rob. Amanda Hansen defended her Carmel, Indiana lemonade stand with karate kicks and a few well-placed punches. The two boys ran for home, where they were later arrested for attempted robbery and battery.
FOOD FOR FINES
Bangkok Police are giving rewards to people who pay their traffic tickets. Police are handing out 1-kilogram boxes of gourmet rice to traffic offenders who pay their fines at the police station. Officials are doing it to cut down on bribes to police officers.
An Army bomb squad was called in after a Maitland, Florida woman put out her trash and went to work. After Carol Perez drove off to her job, her neighborhood was evacuated when someone spotted a large bombshell in her trash. It was determined to be a World War II relic that posed no danger. Perez says she thought it was nothing more than an ugly paperweight.
YESH, YER HONOR
A Salem, Oregon woman looked a little wobbly in court, so a judge ordered her to jail for a blood test. Authorities determined Gail Yvonne Leos was drunk by twice the legal limit. She had been in court on charges of drunk driving ... for the eighth time.
In Newton Abbot, England, a cow clopped through a pub's beer garden and into the bar, announcing itself with a loud moo. As shocked patrons looked on, it proceded to drink a pint and a half of ale from a bucket, relieve itself on the dance floor, and clop out.
TAKEN FOR A RIDE
A Spartanburg, South Carolina man who had just robbed a store flagged down a passing car for a ride. Bad choice. He was picked up by plain clothes officer Timothy Suber in an unmarked car. The crook tried to run when he figured out what he'd done, but after a short foot chase, he was arrested and charged with armed robbery.
HE MUST BE HYPOGLYCEMIC
An Elmont, New York baker arrived at work and found his front window broken. He also found the thief, who had stolen some loose change, eaten some chocolate pastry, and fallen asleep. The baker tiptoed out and called the cops.
HE HAD THAT GLAZED LOOK
A transient in Mesa, Arizona was arrested for assaulting a police officer...with pastry. Officer Dean Stephan says the man threw donuts at him while he rode by on a motorcycle. He also had a concealed weapon. Stephan says the perp had a cookie in his back pocket.
WASH & DRY
In Cascade County, Montana, a man was stopped for driving 104 in a 45-mile-per-hour zone. Raymond Lutz told the deputy that he'd just washed his new pickup truck and was trying to "air dry" it.
Police sent a Pasedena, California man a photo of his car taken by an automatic camera as he rolled through a red light, along with a ticket. The man mailed back a photo of the money he owed on the ticket. Police had the last laugh. They mailed him a Polaroid print of some handcuffs. He paid the fine.
SEEING FROM THE CEILING
A Mountain Home, Arkansas man got his kicks by climbing into a dropped ceiling and ogling at women in the booths of a tanning salon. Customers found out about his little scam when the ceiling tiles gave way and he came crashing to the floor.
A Cambridgeshire, England man phoned for an ambulance after he'd been shot in the knee. Police turned out in full force to investigate. They found out the man had shot himself so he could get priority medical attention for a long-term leg pain.
A two-year-old Glens Falls, New York boy wriggled out a car seat and took his grandmother's car for a spin. He drove it 200 feet into a high school playfield and parked it. The grandma was cited for leaving him in the car with the motor running.
A truck driver on a 300-mile run from Washington State to southern Oregon kept hearing an odd crying noise from his big rig whenever he stopped. He kept looking for the source, but didn't find it until his last stop. A terrified cat was hanging on to an axle assembly. The driver nicknamed the kitty Hitch.
Patra, an award-winning seizure dog that can detect when her owner is about to suffer a seizure, has a nose for cash, too. The Jefferson City, Missouri pooch just kept sniffing a piece of paper on the ground whem her owner was taking her for a walk. Patra was so insistent on sniffing the paper, Donna Jacobs picked it up, only to discover it was a check for 584-dollars, lost by a nearby store owner.
LOSE WEIGHT, GAIN LIVES
A weight loss clinic in Cologne, Germany has been busted because of its expensive high-protein diet meals. Authorities say the clinic was repackaging cat food.
PULLING THE WOOL OVER THE WOOL
Police in Trinidad didn't get the poacher they were looking for, but found the animals he stole. When police gave chase, the crook abandoned his unregistered car containing a sheep wearing a dress and three goats decked out in shirts and pants.
BUT HE CAN COUNT TO NINE
Police in Fort Lauderdale had a perfect thumb print and blood sample in their investigation of a murder at an auto body shop. While arguing with the victim, one of the gunmen had his thumb bitten off, and he left it at the scene of the crime.
GRILL WHAT YOU KILL
That deer strapped over a hood in Tennessee doesn't necessarily mean you're seeing the prize of a skilled hunter. A new state law lets motorists to take home deer they hit on public highways.
A 31-year-old burglary suspect in St. Peters, Missouri may have liked food just a little too much. While breaking into Vette's Restaurant, he got lodged in an air duct. The owner heard him screaming for help when he opened the restaurant the following day.
WHAT A WAY TO GO
It was a hot night when a young couple sneaked into the back of a hearse to have sex at a funeral home near Mexico City. Unfortunately, they left the motor running afterward so they could enjoy the air conditioning. They never awakened from a carbon-monoxide-induced sleep.
DRESSED FOR THE OCCASION
A Chandler, Arizona man called police for help after he locked himself in handcuffs and couldn't find the key. A background check showed that Sean Barry was wanted on an arrest warrant, so they gave him a ride to the police station ... without removing the handcuffs.
A Fort Mill, South Carolina woman put 900 dollars cash and a deposit slip into an envelope so she could make a deposit. But she accidentally dropped the envelope into a postal box with the rest of her mail. She thought she'd never see the cash again, but some honest postal workers purchased a money order and mailed it back to her address using the deposit slip. The finders subtracted a dollar-eighty-three for the cost of the money order and, of course, postage.
PUTTING THE BRAKES ON CRIME
A Calexico, California man has been arrested after bringing his car to the local Pep Boys shop for a brake job. When a mechanic opened the trunk to disconnect the shocks, he found two trash bags filled with marijuana bricks.
NO SWEATIN' TO MARILYN MANSON
A judge in Mercer, Pennsylvania has given a unique sentence to a 19-year-old who was convicted of stealing wrapped Christmas gifts from a van. In addition to two years probation, Mark Nichols must also sell his 2-thousand-dollar stereo and 18-hundred-dollar weight set and give the proceeds to charities.
I HATE YOU, ALICE B. TOKLAS
A Milwaukee firefighter who tested positive for marijuana use says he was framed. The former girlfriend of the 20-year veteran allegedly laced his salads with marijuana because she wanted custody of their two children.
Seven North Brookfield, Massachussetts teens promised their parents they wouldn't drink on prom night. Just in case, they rented a limo. But they found themselves stranded when their limo driver was hauled to jail on drunk-driving charges.
WHAT A GAS
When an overnight gas station attendant in Madrid fell asleep on the job, dozens of people starting filling up their cars for free. They called their friends who came to fill up, too. The free gas ended when police noticed a long line at the pumps at 4 AM. To add insult to injury, police arrested the attendant because he was wanted on other charges.
A man who tormented women with over 40-thousand obscene phone calls in Vienna was finally caught by police. He was easily tracked down after he gave one of his victims his phone number when she asked if she could call him back later.
It must have been an exhausting burglary for a man in Athens, Tennessee. He kicked in a woman's door, stole a gold ring from her jewelry box, then fell asleep on her couch. He was still snoring away on the sofa when the woman came home. And still snoring away when police arrived to arrest him for burglary and intoxication.
GRASS & BOOZE
Police in Arkadelphia, Arkansas arrested a man after he broadsided a car in front of his house ... on a riding mower. Once he entered the street, he was subject to a blood alcohol test, which he failed.
IS HE DOING IT ON PORPOISE?
Officials at Six Flags Marine World in Vallejo (vah-LAY-oh), California have revoked a 14-year-old boy's season pass for bothering other guests with noisy and boisterous activities. Marine World says Joey Ramirez has been bounced from the park for deliberately belching in other guests' faces.
Two men accused of killing a Kenyan park ranger climbed over a 16-foot chain link fence as the victim's fellow officers chased them through the dark nighttime jungle. The suspects jumped into a wildlife reserve, where a pride of lions promptly devoured them.
TAKE THE BUS TO HESTON HIGH
A Granite City, Illinois woman wasn't very happy with a Hot Wheels toy school bus she bought for her 3-year-old son. The bus had a sign on it that says weapon protection required. Mattel says the toy - made in China - had a typographical error. It was supposed to read hearing protection required.
A Hong Kong burglar made off with 64-hundred dollars worth of jewelry, but a Persian cat kept him from assaulting the homeowner. Sham the cat pounced on the crook and took a chunk out of his face when he went to attack her owner.
A New Jersey teenager racked up a 3.1-million-dollar balance on his parents' credit card bidding for items on the eBay website. The kid bid on a '55 Ford convertible, priceless antiques, a Van Gogh painting, and even an office building. His parents have put password protection on their internet connection.
STOPPING OFF FOR A STIFF ONE
A funeral home worker in Columbus, Ohio went into a topless bar, leaving an embalmed corpse in plain view in his vehicle parked outside. Police who saw the body during a routine check charged the man with abuse of a corpse. The funeral home accepted his resignation.
THAT'S A SPICEY MEATBALL
A 16-year-old Painesville, Ohio student has been expelled for serving his unusual brand of rigatoni to two female students. The sheriff's department confirmed that his secret ingredient was a sliced up sheep's eye from biology class.
IF THEY ONLY HAD SOME BRAINS
Four thieves made off with a giant pair of ruby slippers outside a Richmond, Virginia theater promoting The Wizard Of Oz. But police didn't have to follow a Yellow Brick Road to find the glittery foam rubber replicas of Dorothy's magic shoes. They just followed the trail of glitter to one of the suspects' apartment.
WORLD'S LARGEST COUPON
It was one of those oh-so-clever billboard ads. A 14-by-48-foot sign for a store called Shoestrings in Scranton, Pennsylvania read: bring in this ad and you'll get a free pair of shoes. So three people dismantled the ad and called Shoestrings to claim their shoes. The company agreed to exchange the undamaged sign for shoes and not to prosecute. Police say Shoestrings will put a disclaimer on their next billboard.
OH, MAGOO, YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN
A Trelew, Argentina pickup truck driver was arrested after police noticed him making jerky moves through busy city traffic. The driver was following his 13-year-old daughter's driving instructions ... because he was blind.
RULES ARE RULES
Massachusetts Turnpike toll-takers are being reminded to let emergency vehicles with sirens blaring and lights flashing through toll booths. A convoy of firetucks speeding to a forest fire were stopped at one zealous toll-taker's booth. Rather than argue, several of the drivers actually paid the 4-dollar toll.
WARE IS WHERE???
Tim Ware was so excited about becoming an Atlanta police recruit, he borrowed a cruiser to drive to Alabama to show to his mom. An Alabama state trooper thought the cruiser looked a little out of place, so he called Atlanta to check on it. Ware was fired immediately.
The median age may be high in Florida among crooks, too. Police arrested 78-year-old Forrest Silva Tucker on charges of multiple bank robberies after a slow-speed chase. Burglary tools, weapons and cash were found in his car. Tucker's first arrest was for stealing a bicycle in 1936.
MUCH TOO SWEET I
Kids from an Eastchester, New York middle school have become the metric police, finding mistakes in measurements printed on American products. The kids noticed that Sweet & Low packets were labeled with capital Gs instead of lower-case Gs for grams. A capital G means gigagrams, or a billion grams. As a result, the makers of Sweet & Low are redoing their packaging.
MUCH TOO SWEET II
A kinder, friendlier jail facility in Hull, England isn't getting very good reviews from hardened criminals. Some inmates at the Wolds Remand Prison are asking for transfers to regular jails where the guards are nastier.
THANKS FOR ALL THE PRESENTS
A baker in a posh London suburb couldn't find his keys. Then he got a call from police saying his house had been robbed. He took a taxi to his home, helped police fill out a report, and took a taxi back to his shop. Upon arriving, he saw two teenagers driving away in his BMW after they'd unlocked the store and cleaned out the till. When police caught the suspects an hour later, one of the lads confessed that he'd found the baker's ring of keys inside his birthday cake.
AMTRAK WOULD HAVE SAVED HIM $91,925
For his cross-country trip, Chong Su Yi's brand new Lotus was a fast, powerful car. Attempting to drive to San Francisco from New York, he picked up a speeding ticket in Ohio, three in Iowa, one in Nebraska and another one in Wyoming. Then his powerful machine outran Nevada state troopers in a chase through the high desert. But then, smoke came billowing out and the Lotus grinded to a halt. He hadn't broken in the engine in his 92-thousand-dollar speedster, and its mechanics froze solid by the time he reached Reno.
An 86-year-old blind woman held off four thieves who tried to break into her home in a small town outside Buenos Aires. The woman whacked the home invaders with a stick and made so much noise neighbors called police, who arrested the badly battered crooks.
Charles Demery was destined to be caught after allegedly robbing a Shreveport restaurant. He'd left his wallet - which included his prison ID card - at the restaurant. When police entered his home with a warrant, Demery was hiding in the attic. Until the ceiling gave out and Demery and the stolen cash came crashing to the kitchen floor.
KEEPING OLD GLORY NEW
Don't let that flag get tattered in the wind in Batavia, Illinois. Lois Parollina is the town's self-appointed flag cop, confronting anyone who displays a torn or faded American flag. She says her dad - a veteran of World War II - taught her the proper respect for the red, white and blue. She's even embarrassed town officials into getting a new flag for the town hall.
A man wanted for attempted murder was hitchhiking in Nashville. When a car picked him up, he offered the driver a small bag of crack as thanks for the ride. But the driver was a Nashville homicide detective in an unmarked car, and the suspect was given a ride straight to jail.
©1995-2005 Archer & Valerie Productions.